In a Field of Dandelions

Chapter 12 -Little Me

When I opened my eyes, I was lying in a field of Dandelions. "The irony," I laughed. I raised myself up to a sitting position and searched the endless field. I was all alone, I recollected myself and noticed there was a white gate ahead of me. "Heaven?" I questioned myself. I started walking towards it but the closer I step to the gate the further it would seem. The blood in my body ran cold. "Shit!" I screamed, I found the strength and turned around, and I assumed Hell's gate was there. I proceeded towards the gate and again the closer I got the further the distance between the gate and I became. I let out a sigh of relief. If I did not belong in heaven or hell where did I belong?

"Hey, anyone here; why can't I enter the gates?!" I questioned. Of course no one answered, I was all alone. I toss my body to the fall and closed my eyes.

"This is all a dream," I told myself several times, but when I opened my eyes again I was still in the fields of Dandelions. I let of a loud scream, "why!!!!?"

I stood up and started to pace, scream back and forth as I walked. What seem as forever, I suddenly heard a voice behind me say, "Hello, you done scream?"

Without thinking through my actions I snapped, "Bout damn time god what took you so long." When I laid eyes upon the angelic figure before me, it was a little girl. Her face looked familiar but I could not place it.

"Well if I knew you were going to be this rude I would have watched you gone on for an extra hour," she rudely remarked.

"God I must say I did not know you were a girl," I joked.

"You think you are funny, well sadly sweetly you are not and I am not god," she replied sarcastically.

"Then who are you, my guardian angel?" she shook her head in disagreement, "the devil?" I said in a scared voice.

"You wish honey," she remarked, "I am you," she concluded.

I was very confused, she realised because she then explained,

"I who you are when you are most scared and at your weakest, this was also the age in which defined you as a person."

I knew words were coming out of her mouth but I did not understand one bit of it.

"Okay dummy, let me put this in stupid for you, I am you and I am going to show you why you can't go to heaven or Hell," she completed in a spooky voice.

"Who said I was going anywhere with you," I remarked.

"Who said you had a choice?" she spoke and within seconds we were in Dandelions my home town. Something was off about it though; it was not the Dandelions I had just recently left.

"Yes, this is not the dandelions you recently left, this is Dandelions in 2005, about the same time when you would first met Jay," she said while pointing at a little boy and his mother walking up to my house.

She was right, that was my house and there was jay and his mother.

"Wait a second how do you know what I am thinking?" I questioned.

"I am you, your thoughts are my thoughts," she remarked.

She was right she was me, because the little girl that opened the door looked exactly like her, and not a thing like me. Oh how much I have changed. I did not want to see this because it made me think about Jay, how I too abandon him.

"You can't back out I am sorry you need to see this," she commanded.

"I don't need to see anything I know exactly what will happen. I will open the door, I call my mother, and she is upset because my father has just recently died. We offer them some food, the day after I my brother and I go searching for him so I can give him my hide away candy and we find his mother dead," I sadly spoke.

"Yes that might be very true, but I ask you why did you feel that you had to help?" she questioned me.

"I don't know why, I saw that he needed help," I replied.

"that's very true but there was something else, you would never have shared those treats with your beloved brother, the brother you love more than anything no matter how much he beg. Just watch and see," she said while pointing at my house door.

I watched how I observed Jay; it was very different from the way my mother looked at them. When the door closed, I immediately headed up to my room and searched all evening for all the candy I had hidden away.

"Do you get it?" she questioned.

"I don't understand what you want me to do?" I replied.

"I want you to understand," she said before transporting us to another time in past.

This time was when I was 3, my father had come home from the war, and he was a solider in the army. This made my mother very angry because she was always worried when he was gone and he was home she would take out that fear and worry in the form of angry. My father though it was cute. I thought it was cute. My father and I were very close, it was Christmas dinner, and I had burn my hand that day from trying to help my dad cook. He was a very good chef. I became a chef because of him; this made me want to cry.

"Do you know why we are here?" my little self-questioned.

"To torture me?" I replied painfully.

"No, I want to show you something," she spoke firmly.

We moved in closer to the house, and through the door.

"Aren't you afraid they see us?" I questioned.

"We are both dead," she kindly reminded me.

Yes I almost forgot. About this time we would be opening presents. My mother had the horrible tradition of making us open one gift on Christmas morning and living the rest for after Christmas dinner. Evil woman, but I loved her and missed her. Anyhow very soon I would be joining her.

I looked around the room; these times were the better days only if I cherished them. My mother gave the go ahead to open presents but instead of opening any of my gifts I choose to find the gift I wrapped for my father.

"Ha," I laughed, "our gift wrapping skills were amazing back then," I joked.

"Pay attention," little me scolded.

I handed my father the poorly wrapped gift, but he smiled and said he loved it. He opened it and it was bag and bag of candy.

"Now when you go back you would have sweets, because I heard you complain about the meals and how you missed mommy cooking," my 3 year old self spoke so innocently.

I could not keep myself back the tears anymore, I let them flow.

"Do you understand what is trying to show you? The look in your eyes is pure love. It's the same look you gave Jay the day you met him by the door of your house. Whenever you were scared, happy or things got too good, you used your brother as an excuse. He was the shield your father could not be," she spoke soundly.

I understood exactly what she meant. I broke down in tears and fell to the ground. When I landed I was back in the fields of Dandelions.

I felt arms surround me, when I looked up it was my father, "please stop crying Princess," she spoke.

"I can't remember the last time I heard someone called me that," I laughed cry.

"This is all my fault, I was not there for you," she started to cry.

"No dad it's not your fault," I reassured him.

He pulled me up from the ground, "ready to go see your mother?" he questioned.

"Dad I missed you and mom very much but I can't leave him," I told my father.

"I understand princess, we understand," I saw my mother appear beside my father.

"We are most proud of you my daughter and never forget that," my mother told me.

I hugged them tightly, before I saw the bright lights again.

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