Two shoes (Nathan Sykes Fan-Fic)

Chapter 40

I quickly made some toast and tea then I sat with the boys whilst I ate it. I hadn't been eating a lot lately and I knew that it was becoming a bit of an issue and lord knows I don't need another one. I would try and start eating normally again but it would take time so I would have to force myself to eat. I decided not to tell the boys because they'd only worry and I already give them enough stress. Thankfully the food stayed down so they didn't find out.

After that we all sat down and discussed what was best to go forwards and we decided that only one of the boys would accompany me, it was decided that Jay would. That was because all of the boys were very busy where as Jay, although he was, he couldn't really do much if he wasn't on the radio or on TV. Plus, Jaythan is real and Jay was always a great comfort to me in times of need.

We both hopped into the taxi and made our way down to the hospital, the route was oh too familiar and seeing it made me annoyed, I should not have had to have been to the hospital so much, it wasn't fair. After a brief journey, we found ourselves in what felt like a second home. We didn't need to introduce ourselves anymore, we just mindlessly made our way down to her room.

I didn't go in straight away, I hadn't worked up the confidence to do it yet. There was a small window in the door of her room and I stood next to it, peering in as subtly as I could.

She was lying in her bed, the shadows of bruises stood apparent on her face, she was sat up which was a sight I hadn't seen at all for the past few months. She looked so beautiful and I could tell that the nurses had done her hair nicely to try and make her feel better about herself. She was staring down at her blanket, studying it absentmindedly. That was until she noticed me staring at her. I only hung around long enough to watch her eyes widen and her hands grip the bed tightly then I jumped backwards and pressed myself against the wall so that I was out of sight.

"Nathan..." Jay began, I knew what he was going to say "you'll have to go in there at some point, she has seen you now."

"I know, I know... I just need a minute." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I could feel my nerves building rapidly, what if she wouldn't forgive me for taking so long to find her or leaving her for the past few days? What if she didn't love me anymore? The thought of that made me feel weak and I knew that I had to go in now or I never would.

Finally, I stood opposite the door again. Lexi's eyes were still wide and they focused on me, I couldn't figure out what emotion was held within them but I knew that I would have to find out. Jay patted me on the back and pushed me forwards which simultaneously opened the door slightly too. I walked in quietly and shut the door behind me. I could feel her eyes burning into me before I turned and stood at the end of her bed. I shoved my hands into my pockets and looked around awkwardly and nervously.

"Hi..." I muttered, I glanced up at her and I could see it in her eyes that she was willing me to continue talking. I didn't know whether she wanted me to talk to her or whether she was just trying to not talk herself but the fact that she was okay with me being here then I would do whatever she wanted me to do.

"I...," I began before gaining a bit more confidence, pulling up a chair alongside her bed and taking a seat, "I missed you so much, you have no idea how the thought of you being with him killed me. D-D-Did you hear me when I talked to you?" I asked, I could feel my eyes begin to well up. I couldn't believe that this was happening and that after all this time I was actually talking to her and she could actually respond.

She didn't reply though, she just nodded her head gently, her beautiful hair swayed slightly and I couldn't help but smile at the memory of when I first met her. Things were different back then, she had this care free attitude that I couldn't picture present day Lexi ever having but I hoped that one day I would be able to draw that outlook on life out of her again... Her hair was soaking wet when I first saw her, the rain dripped off of her gorgeous dark curls... But my smile faded quickly as I couldn't help but feel disappointed, I just wanted to hear her beautiful voice again.

"I love you so much." I said before I burst into tears, they were happy and relieved tears. I had started to believe that this day would never come but she was really alive, here and I was talking to her, it was like all my prayers had been answered.

I reached forwards and took her hand, needing to take in that feeling of affection after such a long time. Her skin was scarred but still so soft and warm in my hand and I wanted to treasure that moment but also look forward to a future of that feeling. My fantasy was torn apart when almost immediately after I placed my hand in her's, she flinched and pulled away from me. She took a look at me and saw my hurt expression and her eyes widened in fear and she forced herself to place her trembling hand back into mine.

"I'm sorry, I won't-" She began shaking fiercely and she winced away from me, as if she was expecting to be hurt. I felt betrayed since I would never harm a hair on her head but then I realised that she was just scared. Who knows what she went through, I shouldn't have taken her response personally.

"It's okay Lexi, it's me. I'll never hurt you, if you don't want to then it's okay. I'm sorry I should have thought." I said in the most soothing voice that I could conjure up. As soon as I spoke, she moved her hand out of mine and although her shaking decreased which made me happy, I still craved the intimacy of holding her hand in mine.

"I'm not ready, I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice filled my ears and even though she was telling me something that crushed me, I couldn't help but smile just at the sound of her voice.

"I understand. I'm sorry it took me so long to find you." I choked out, I could barely speak. The guilt that I had been suppressing surfaced and was slowly weighing down on me and I knew it wouldn't take long before I cracked under the pressure. 

"It's not your fault-" She began, she looked uncomfortable but she still looked caring. That look gave me hope that the fear had not overridden all of her love.

"But it is! I should have never agreed to do that concert! It's all my fault!" I blurted out before I rested my head on her bed, my tears immediately soaking through her blanket. I couldn't handle feeling the way that I did. 

"Nathan... Nathan d-don't. It's okay, I'm okay now, you found me." She said softly. Her hand rested on my head and played with my hair gently and comfortingly. It didn't feel like she was uncomfortable and it certainly relaxed me to a point where I could feel my eyes shutting and then I was pulled into oblivion... The last thing I thought about was Lexi's touch...

EXCITING NEWS! I've started a short story about TW, it's pretty emotional but very relatable! 
I've posted the prologue and as soon as I've finished it, I'll post one chapter everyday so it's coming soon.
Please add it to your library! xx It's called Thank You 

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