The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

2: What is technology good for?

Username

When we first got a computer my dad had no idea what he was doing since he was so used to doing things the old-fashioned way, in analogue. It wasn't until years after that he discovered that everyone he knew relied on the computer on a daily basis. This eventually led him to dipping his toe into the digital world and opening up an email account.

Mr. Ordinary [on the phone with me while at home]: Very, the email account you set up for me isn't working.

Me [on the phone with him while at school] : What do you mean?

Mr. Ordinary: It's not letting me log in.

Me: What does the screen say?

Mr. Ordinary: That my username doesn't exist.

Me: Did you input everything correctly?

Mr. Ordinary: Yeah, I put my full name and password in correctly. Did I need spaces too?

Me: Spaces...? Wait did you input your own name or your email username?

Mr. Ordinary: I inputted "Mr. Ordinary" since that's the name I use.

Me: ...Your username is your email id, not the actually given name you use...I wrote your email username down in your notebook where the password is.

Mr. Ordinary: ...Oh.

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Email

[Five minutes after Mr. Ordinary logs into his email account for the very first time.]

Mr. Ordinary [on phone with me]: Very, it's broken again!

Me: What's wrong with it?

Mr. Ordinary: It's empty!

Me: What is? Your inbox?

Mr. Ordinary: Yeah! It said I don't have any mail.

Me: That's not an error, dad...You just made this account so no one's going to know to send you mail...

Mr. Ordinary: Then what's the point in having an email account...?

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Selfie

It took a while but after my dad finally learned how to navigate a computer he got my mom addicted to using it as well.

Mrs. Ordinary: Help me take a photo for my social media profile, Very. My old high school classmates want to see how I look now.

Me: Uh sure.

[Fifteen minutes later]

Mrs. Ordinary [looking through the photos]: I can't time my smile properly when someone else takes the photo...

Me: Why not take a selfie then?

Mrs. Ordinary: A selfie?

Me: You know? A photo you take yourself? [Poses as if taking a selfie]. You hold the camera and look at the front camera to take a photo.

[Mrs. Ordinary tries to take selfies for the next ten minutes. I leave to give her space.]

Me: How's it working out?

Mrs. Ordinary: It's still sort of weird...

Me: Do you want to try a filter? Sometimes they make selfies appear less awkward. [Goes onto an app with cute filters] This one is popular. [Holds camera up to Mrs. Ordinary]

Mrs. Ordinary [screaming]: Something popped up on the screen!

Me: It's the filter. It gives you animal ears and when you open your mouth there's a tongue.

Mrs. Ordinary [pushing phone away]: Ugh. Take it away. I don't need people to think of me as a female dog. I wouldn't need an app if that's all I wanted to do.

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Message

My sister often chats with her friends online. When she was younger in her friends group, to expression affection they called each other by profane names. While everyone in the group knew that it was all in harmless fun, outsiders didn't always get it.

Still [via instant messenger]: Yo what's up you fugly b*itchface? Did you do your homework yet you stupid mofo?

Still: You there hoebag? I see that you're online...don't ignore me dumb*ss.

Crush: ...I've done the homework...

Still [panicking]: Oh my god. I am so sorry! Please ignore all of that above. That message wasn't meant for you! I meant to click on Close Friend A, not Crush! OTL

Crush: [laughing emoji]

Still: Please wipe that from your memory...

[The next day at school]

Still: Good morning...

Crush[grinning]: You're not calling me a dumbass today?

[Still runs away mortified]