Food Satisfaction-An Extremely Weird Phanfiction

Queen Of Your Mum

"PJ, why are you wearing a tiara?" Dan questions.
"Cause...am...THEQUEEN!" PJ shouts.
That's when the heavy stench of alcohol hits me. Makes sense. There has only been one time were I have seen PJ properly drunk. It was at Dan's birthday party. PJ had just been through an extremely bad break-up. We hadn't seen or heard of him for about a month and then he showed up at the party claiming he wanted to get so drunk, that he wouldn't be able to remember wanting to get drunk in the first place. He certainly succeeded. We ended up having to restrain him because he was trying to rip the clothes off Chris's unconscious body. I wonder how badly drunk he is now.
"Queen of what, PJ?" I ask as calmly as I can, given the current situation.
"Queen...of....your MUM!" He says in stilted English.
Pretty drunk, I have to say.
"Why don't you sit down? I'll get you a cup of water." Dan says, fully aware of how wasted PJ is. Concern is etched across his face.
"WATER! LOVE WATER!" Dan makes eye contact with me and giggles.
"DO NOT LAUGH........WILL HAVE YOU UNHEADED!" PJ yells. He then proceeds to topple to the ground, quite ungracefully.
Dan bursts out laughing. I join. When fully recovered, we haul PJ to a standing position and stop.
"What are we actually meant to do with him?" I ask Dan.
"I seriously have no idea!" This just tricks us into another fit of hysterical laughter. We almost drop him.
"Um, let's just put him on the couch." I suggest.
"K." We half drag PJ to the other side of the room and drape his lanky body across our rickety couch.
"We should probably tell Chris that we have PJ, he might be looking for him." I pull out my phone and find Chris in my contacts. I click his name, but the phone rings without him picking up and I get his voicemail. I try again, this time he answers.
"Um, Chris.." I get interrupted by a string of unintelligible vowels.
"DANIEL HOWELL, I LOVE DANIEL HOWELL! What you got tell me!?"
"Ow...um, it's Phil. I just wanted to tell you that we have PJ."
"Why would tell m'that? I don't care bout him!" The line went dead.
"I think it's safe to say that they were at the same party, and had roughly the same amount of alcohol." I tell Dan.
"Ah. I think I'm going to go to bed." Dan says.
"Bed or Tumblr?"
"Tumblr." He answers, grins like an angel and leaves the room.
I think I will have trouble going to sleep tonight.