Love Hate (Carl Grimes)

chapter thirteen // feelings don't matter

Carl's POV:

I place my hat on my head as I'm walking out of my cell. A small smile creeps onto my lips once again. This keeps happening every time I think about last night. Which is pretty much all the time. It just felt wonderful to spend a normal night with Rose again. Although our situation is far from normal. And I doubt that she felt the same happiness that I did. She was probably just putting up with me because Cammyla wanted me there.

I walk into Rose's cell and lean against the frame of the entrance. Lauren's makeshift bed on the floor is empty and messy. Rose and Cammyla are asleep in the bottom cot, and Rose is holding her little cousin close.

Once again, a smile appears on my slightly chapped lips. Here I stand in the doorway of a prison cell with a stupid smirk on my face while I stare at the girl I love, who hates me. I wish I could change that.

"What are you doing?" a familiar voice says from behind me. I turn around to find Lauren standing in front of me with wet hair and new clothes. She has a confused and annoyed look on her face.

"I was just. . .um. . ." I stutter.

She walks past me into the cell and says, "Staring at Rose like a stalker? No, I get it."

"No. I-" I was going to give her some excuse to make me seem less weird, but I realize that I don't really have one so I stay silent.

Lauren sighs and sits down on her 'bed'. "She shouldn't be here."

"What?" I say, completely take aback by what she has said.

"Rose. She shouldn't be here." As she picks up the blanket she was sleeping on and begins folding it, she continues. "In the prison, I mean. Sure it's a great place to survive and we're surrounded by people who are strong and caring, but look at all the bad things that have happened to her since she arrived."

"Yeah, but Daryl's going to get a group and-"

She cuts me off. "And what? Save our friends?" The blanket is now folded and set on her lap. "Because that turned out so well last time. And have seen what the blizzard is like? I can't even see out the window."

I have no reply to that. It's silent for a few moments and I am about to walk away when she speaks again. "You're not good for her."

"I know." I reply.

"No you don't. You don't know what you do to her. How you make her feel." she says through gritted teeth. "Rose doesn't forgive people easily. She's usually so closed off. If someone did something to her, she's automatically done with them. But you. . "

Her head is buried in her hands so the rest is a bit muffled. "I can't explain it. I don't thing even she could."

"Even if she could she probably wouldn't." I cross my arms and sigh.

She scoffs, "You got that right."

After a moment she stands up and reaches under the mattress of the top bunk. "I can't believe I'm doing this. . ."

"Doing what?"

Instead of answering, she pulls out a medium sized black leather book.

"Rose's sketchbook?" I ask confused. Why would she need that?

"It has all her feelings, thoughts, everything." she says and holds out the book, expecting me to take it.

"Why are you giving it to me? That's private. I don't want to screw things up even more."

"Because, you need to know exactly what you did to her. Even though I still hate you, I know you both care for each other. You need to fix this. Something good needs to happen to her. Otherwise it might be to late." She pushes the book into my chest but I don't take hold of it. "Take it." she says in a cold voice.