I'm Not A Plant! [The Diaries Of An Asexual]

They're not the same thing [an almost coming out story]

I actually can't believe how close I was to coming out to my friends today.

Basically I was with a couple of friends -let's call them Bucky and Tony because that's their favourite Marvel characters.

So, I was with Bucky and Tony at lunch and one of Tony's other friends (let's call him Ben) Ben was saying stuff sarcastically like "oh, yeah I'm asexual" so I asked why and Tony said it was because one of his other friends (let's call this one Jim (Moriarty XD)) Jim has said he is asexual, though Tony said that like he didn't believe him.

My first reaction (internally) was "yes! I'm not the only ace here!" My second one (out loud) was "well maybe he is".

And then it played out like this:

Tony: No, he can't be asexual because he also said he's straight.

Me: Actually being asexual is when you have no sexual attraction, you can still like people romantically.

Tony: No, he can't.

Me: Yes you can! Romantic and sexual attraction are different things. You don't have to want to have sex with someone to love them.

Tony: That didn't make sense.

Then Tony went to talk to some other friends leaving me with Bucky.

I asked Bucky if she understood that romantic and sexual attraction were different things, and luckily she said yes.

The conversation just ended there and, when Bucky went to get a book to read, I noticed just how much I was shaking. It wasn't visible but my hands were wobbling so much. I think it took the rest of lunch for them to stop.

Anyway when Tony kept denying you couldn't be starting and asexual I was so tempted to burst out with "actually I'm asexual and biromantic and crushing on Wanda Maximoff so yes it is possible!" and then probably walk off to find a book or something because (excuse my French), shit, coming out is freaking scary.

In the end I didn't say anything but for the rest of lunch I was so tempted to just burst out with it. I even had the jokes and opening lines to start.

Either: "Let's get something straight... I'm not. I'm asexual and biromantic."

Or: "What do you call an expert archer who is not interested in sex or romance? An aro-ace arrow ace."

Anyway people who don't understand that sexual and romantic attraction are slightly annoying. It's hard enough to define attraction anyway without people thinking asexual and aromantic are the same thing.

To quote that ace post I've seen:

If you can have sex without love, why can't people understand that love without sex exists too?

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- Your friendly neighbourhood asexual