Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 66: Her

After I dusted some of my books on my shelf, I moved to my wall filled with band posters. I smiled as I look at them, making it seem like I'm looking at some piece of a work of art. If there should be one that I would miss the most in my room, it would probably my poster wall. I remember the very first time I started putting my first set of posters. I tried to use a glue gun to make it all stuck way better. I was almost done when I accidentally placed the hot stuff on my left hand and it got burnt a little. I got so mad and out of my mind that I ended up ripping off what I managed to put up. I was not able to put up posters for about four months because I ripped all of them, and I got so scared that I might end up in an accident again. But I still did it. I have redecorated this wall a lot of times, and I admit I never got tired of doing it. I looked at all the bands hanging up in my wall, making a smile stuck in my face. I looked at Tay Jardine, who has been one my greatest inspiration and, which I must say, my outfit reference. The smile on my face keeps growing as I look at the posters of Tonight Alive, Man Overboard, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, A Rocket To The Moon, McFly, All Time Low, We Are The In Crowd, The Maine, This Century, The Summer Set, and to the very last corner, my best friends, 5 Seconds Of Summer. I laughed as I remember at how they all insisted to be a part of my poster wall. I didn't even had doubts about it, because this wall isn't just a wall for me. These bands were my only escape, when I needed to shut my world off from reality. Just like my books, they were the company I had when I needed one. I know they don't know me, yet I could honestly say they make me happy in any way. It might be silly for anyone to think when I say it, but they actually saved my life, in any possible way that a person could be saved. This is probably one of the main reasons why my friends or should I say, 5 Seconds Of Summer is pinned here too. They are the best friends I never expected they would be, and they pulled me back up when everything in my life was drowning.

I flopped down on my bed and hugged my pillow tightly, closing my eyes as a thought crossed my mind. I don't quite understand how it suddenly happen, but he popped out of my mind and I couldn't seem to get rid of it anymore, just like how he got rid of me few weeks ago.

I miss him. And even if I would be able to move on, I would still miss him. He gave me so much to remember. I miss how he smiles in the morning when we wake up here in my bed. I miss how he laughs at nothing, even at something that isn't even funny at all. I miss how he watches me whenever I walk, or just do nothing in particular. I miss how he could manage to lighten things up even by just talking. I miss how he smiles whenever I wear his shirt. I miss the sound of his laugh, and the sound of his voice. I miss his thick fluffy hair. I miss his captivating brown eyes that never fails to drown me in a beautiful way whenever he looks at me. I miss how he could manage to make me feel like the most beautiful person in the earth even by just glancing at me. I miss how he would play with my hair and how he kisses my forehead. I miss his cute nose, his pink lips, and his beautiful set of teeth. I miss how I trace his tattoo with my fingers. I miss how I watch his chest go up and down slowly while he sleeps peacefully. I miss his surprises, even the littlest ones. I miss how he sings me to sleep, and even how he would sing to me in the morning. I miss feeling his hands in mine, and how he would hold it tight and make me feel secured. I miss how it feels whenever he smile between our kisses. I miss his kisses and how the way it felt and tasted. I miss every single thing about him, even the littlest ones. I miss him so much, and I couldn't do anything but just think back all the memories I was able to remember just to make me feel him with me.

I immediately wiped off the tears away from my eyes and in my face as I hurriedly went to my bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my own reflection. Without a doubt, I wanted a change. Maybe by this, I could easily forget. Maybe by this, I could easily move on.

I took one of the large scissors I have in my table and stood back in front of my mirror. I looked closely at my own reflection, as I started getting the tips of my hair wet from the water coming out of the faucet. I stood there straight, not wanting to make a mess out of what I wanted to do. I grabbed the scissors with sharp blades on it and opened it with my hands. My hair is wet enough to make it straight and less confusing to cut. I took a deep breath and fought back the thoughts about having doubts about doing this. No, this is what I want. A ran a hand through my hair and grabbed a handful, and started chopping my hair off. I did the same thing repeatedly, until I finished with what I wanted to do with my hair.

I stared back again at my own reflection, but now completely different from the one I was staring back a while ago. My pink tips are gone, and I didn't leave even just a single strand on my hair. My hair is hanging loosely with an average length, hitting just about my chest. Unlike before, that it hang loosely down my back, straight and long. It's all gone now, and it's not coming back. I wish my feelings were my pink tips. I wish it was easy taking them off of me, but it wasn't.

I took a deep breath as I take my one last look in the mirror. I will be fine, I will be good. Time would heal my wounded heart, and in time I would be fine again.

I looked away after smiling at my own reflection. I know it's about time to say goodbye to the past. This is a brand new beginning.

This is the start of the new Kristen Lauren Walsh.