Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 17: Him

"What's with the giddy mood, Cal?" Ashton asked as I sat back down on my chair after getting my lunch.

Kristen and I didn't have our lunch together today. Not because we had a fight, not because she's absent, and not because I'm an asshole. She said she'll have something to do so I gave her some space. If people would let me choose whom I'll have my lunch with everyday, I will always pick that tiny rascal. It's different around her now. I always feel good whenever we're together. Like I don't have to prove to anyone anything about myself. With her, I'm just me. And that makes me happy.

"You seem to be really in love with Walsh, aren't you?" Michael stated, grinning at me.

I suddenly feel like being punched in the throat for some reasons. Michael's statement started running around my mind. But that's just impossible. Maybe I'm just really good at pretending.

"I'm just happy." I replied, smiling.

Well at least this time it's true. I really am.

My mind decided to get back to Kristen. I smiled again as she popped out of my head while I play with my food. She really looked nice today. For the past four years of seeing her here around the school, today was the second time I saw her wearing a bright colored shirt and she has her hair tied up in a bun. I like seeing her that way. She seemed so happy. I liked how she smiled at me this morning. The way she tucked her fringe in her hair was just so cute. The way she walked awkwardly carrying her skateboard. She could have just skated but she walked. I found it stupid but she looked funny, and cute. She might always wear the same type of outfit everyday but she still surprises me all the time. People might judge her for her outfit but honestly, I like her uniqueness and simplicity. Kristen is the kind of a person who doesn't have to put too much effort to look beautiful. She's beautiful in her own way and I like her for that.

I like her.

I took a deep breath as I got into this weird realization. I want to deny it, I want to lie to myself. But my heart doesn't want to. I feel like it's dangerous to be feeling this way. I feel like I couldn't like her because she's just not that person for me. We both live in different worlds with different kind of people around us, and it's really far from being somehow the same. She doesn't really have anyone in her life, probably just her family. And me, I have almost everything. Everyone in this school knows me. Everyone likes me. And I couldn't ask for more than that. It just happened that one night, this girl kissed me randomly at Starbucks and asked me to pretend as his boyfriend for a month. Being the asshole myself, I said yes, thinking it would all be fun and shit to play with people's minds. It turned out to be fun, but not as what I expected it to be. Everyday I wake up with the feeling of excitement to see her. She makes me smile whenever I see her in the morning as I wait for her at the gates. I get so mad and and upset and angry and disappointed whenever she's not around. She pisses me off for being so moody. She makes me want to hate everything about her for making me feel things like that. But no matter how much she makes me feel like killing her, she makes me happy. I may not know what should I call this thing I'm feeling right now, but I want it to stay even just for a while. As much as I want to tell her, I couldn't. She'll probably stay away from me, or maybe not talk to me anymore. She'll think I'm taking advantage of this whole pretending thing. Why can't I just tell her to stop this? I could work on something better than this. I can protect her in a way that were not pretending. She'll be safe with me like how I feel safe with her. Why the hell do I have to feel something towards Kristen anyway? Why does it have to be her? It could be someone who's so much better than her. Someone who is sociable just as I am. Someone who's not moody. Why the hell does it have to be her? I don't want to like her. I don't want to have these weird feelings towards her. I don't want this. But at the same fucking time, I'm addicted to it.

"How's Unpredictable?" Luke asked in a sing song type and I just stared at him wide eyed. He has this habit of startling me and it's quite funny, but annoying.

"Oh uhm, yeah." I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. I almost forgot about the song.

"It's uh- it's going good. I just need some more polishing." I lied. I still don't have any idea how we'll end it up. I'm such an idiot.

"Great then. Band practice this whole week?" And that's how I realized it's Friday today. I smiled at the thought.

"Coolio." I said and returned to my eating session, smiling.

This is going to be a fun Friday afternoon.


*


Kristen got me wondering as I look at her, coming out of the gates. I stood under the tree as I wait for her to get here. She can manage to get here in ten seconds but it seems like something's wrong with her. She's limping, and that's what's taking her so long to get here. I remained staring, as I realized something from this morning. She was walking towards me awkwardly, carrying her skateboard. She looked the same right now. Did something happen? I bet something did.

I walked towards her and she just smiled at me. I tried to keep a serious face, though she makes me want to smile back at her.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"What's wrong what?" She asked me back.

"Did something happen to you?" I asked again, looking at her. She's confused.

"Uh... is this about my perfect score on my Maths test?" She replied smiling widely.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "No, not that. Well congratulations though."

"Thank you. Let's celebrate!" She clapped her hands like a kid, and she grunted as she tried to jump. It's her leg. Something's wrong with her leg.

"That's what I'm asking you. Is there something wrong?" I asked again, not sounding so serious this time. I don't want her to get mad at me for being like this.

"Well," she sighed and looked down. "I uh- I bumped into the trash can this morning while skating so I fell over. My leg is kind of... fucked up." She stated and smiled. I liked how she's still smiling about all this. Kristen is really different today.

"Trust me you don't want to hear the whole story, you'll just laugh at me." She laughed at me as I remained staring at her.

I grinned at her as she looked at me confused. Before she could ask what I'm about to do, I'm already carrying her at my back.

"What the hell Calum put me down." She retorted with a laugh. I was expecting her to just punch me in the face without saying anything.

"You're so light." I said.

"Put me down."

"Damn Kristen. I think my bass guitar is heavier than you. Seriously, where does all the food you eat go?" I asked her with a chuckle, and she punched me in the back lightly.

"Up here at your thick hair." She replied and messed up with my hair.

We remained bantering and laughing as we got to the place where I wanted to take her. It's Friday and luckily the beach isn't that crowded. There were few people and mostly old couples. They would smile at us as we walk past them. I wish I could see how Kristen reacted at them. I've never seen her smiled to anyone before.

I placed her down the sand as we both take our shoes off. She fixed her hair and folded her pants and tried to walk near the shore to wet her feet. I followed her.

She remained standing there with her eyes closed, feeling the sea breeze as it hit our faces. She went away from the shore and lie down on the sand with her eyes still closed. I took my chance to stare.

The smile on her face that I saw this morning is still present. Her cheeks are naturally red, just like her pink lips. I wish I could stare at her gray eyes again but that would be awkward. She has a piercing on the left side of her nose that I noticed just now.

"It's not good to stare, you know." She chuckled.

"I wasn't staring at you." I lied.

"You were."

"How about we play 20 questions?" I suggested. She opened her eyes and turned to look at me. She just smiled.

"You first then."

I looked up as I think of something to ask. This is my chance to get to know her better.

"Favorite color?" I asked.

"I really don't have a favorite color. I base everything on my mood. And that's a lame question." She answered.

I admit that was a lame question, but at least now I know she doesn't have a favorite color.

"What's it like to be popular? Not that I'm interested or anything. I just want to know." She asked.

"Well," I moved closer and touched my chin. "It's really fun. I mean you could get to have almost everything you like because everyone likes you. No one's out there has the guts to tell you what to or not what to do. It's a great life we have, us populars." I said. She rolled her eyes on me.

The next few questions were all about her and me. I found out almost everything about her because of this game. The little things about her like she eats cereal, with or without milk, she learned how to skate and dyed her hair at the age of 13, she doesn't wear heels, she likes The Avengers, she has a "Sleep" playlist on her iPod, she loves to read, she loves coffee, she has a strange fear of frogs, she loves a lot of bands especially All Time Low, she prefers drummers than guitarists and that upsets me for some reasons, she's a big fan of basketball, she's obsessed with the Harry Potter series, she loves Tom and Jerry, she likes puppies but she never had a pet, she thinks that bassists are irrelevant and she loves The Sound of Music. These are the little things I got to know about her today. She thinks that these things aren't really worth sharing to anyone. But little she did know, it means a lot to me. It just made me know her better and it's really amazing. I never even thought that I'd be able to know her this far. I never even thought I'd be this interested with her.

"So what do you do in your band?" She asked. I smirked at her, excited for what she's going to do.

"Well, I uh...play the bass."

Kristen sat up with her eyes widened looking at me. She covered her mouth and said sorry over and over. I couldn't help but just laugh at how cute she looked.

"I didn't know I'm really sorry oh my god this is so embarrassing holy shit." She said while covering her face as she lay down on the sand again. I remained laughing.

I looked at the beautiful sunset as I think of a question. This is the last one, and I have to make it a good one. I looked back at her, her eyes closed.

"Kristen?" I said.

"Yeah?"

"What's the best thing that has ever happened to you?"

Her eyes opened wide as I finished asking her my last question. She seemed to be shocked for what she just heard. After a few seconds she stood up and gathered her stuffs, not looking at me.

"I've gotta go."

And she started walking away.

What the fuck were you thinking, Calum?