Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 36: Her

I made my way outside the backstage right after Calum and I talked. I promised to be here for him all through the show, just like how he promised me that he won't get nervous. That really didn't matter. I will come and see him, nervous or not. Being with him is like knowing you can complete a day. I love who I turn into when I'm with him. I love how he makes me feel all the time. He makes me happy, he completes me. It's like he managed to put back all the missing pieces of me, that I once thought I'd never get to bring back. I was once shattered, not having the hopes of being mended. But then he came and decided to put me back. By that I already knew, he's the missing piece I've been looking for all along. He completed me. He made me whole.

I stood awkwardly at the side, not knowing where to go. I have managed to get out of the backstage, but I couldn't seem to figure out which way should I go to make it to the front row. I'm not the kind of person who starts the conversation. I suck at it, actually. I might just end up stuttering or talk non sense. But what can I do now? I don't have anyone with me to help me ask or help me find out which way to go. I need to do things on my own now, I guess.

I walked towards to a guy which I suppose one of the securities to ask the question. Just when I was about to talk, a hand tapped me lightly from the back. I hurriedly turn to look.

"Oh hey, uhm-" She chuckled lightly. "Sorry, I think I scared you."

I smiled back at her awkwardly, trying my best to look really friendly. I suck at making friends but, I guess I can give it a try. "No, not really."

"Luke told me you might need someone to come with you so he asked me to come here." She replied with a smile and walked closely. "Are you Kristen?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile.

She reached a hand and I took hers to shake it. I'm not really into this, in fact I haven't really done this before. But I have to admit, it actually feels good. It feels great to meet new people. Way to go, Kristen. You're making a friend.

"I'm Stella, Stella Mead. I uhm ah- I'm Luke's uhm, best friend." She said with such a sweet voice and smiled at me. "If you can still remember, we used to be classmates back in 2nd grade."

I bit my lip and scratched my head. I immediately felt bad about not remembering everything about her. I'm not really the friendly one, even before. I guess this is why people hate me.

"I'm so sorry, I can't remember." I admitted. "I feel bad oh my god."

"No, it's okay." Stella smiled at me laughed lightly. "I wouldn't even recognize you if Luke didn't tell me your name."

I just nodded and smiled at her, not knowing what to say anymore. I started feeling intimidated but I stopped myself. She's so pretty and nice. She's a bit taller than me, and her straight blonde hair is long and perfect, it matched her warm blue eyes. I hope she doesn't feel awkward or worse, annoyed by me. Even though I'm not really good at making friends, I really want to be friends with Stella. She seems so nice.

I let her lead the way and within a minute we are all standing in front of the stage, at the third row. I wanted to be in the front, because I'm too small and if the people who are going to be in front of me are giants, I will never get the chance to watch the show properly.

Screaming people started filling in the room and within a glimpse the place got too crowded. I turned to look at Stella to ask if she's okay, she just nodded and smiled at me. And I, myself, is kind of enjoying the crowd. This reminds me so much of the concerts of my favorite bands that I had been to. Some bands had started playing already. It was too loud and the music is quite deafening, but I let myself get away with it. Stella seemed to be into this too, so I smiled to her as I we joined the people around us and started moshing. It was really fun. I guess we are really going to be great friends.

The band finished their last set and the crowd went wild. Stella and I joined in and clapped our hands as the lead singer in front started saying his 'thank you's'. I suddenly remembered that this isn't a concert, this is a band competition. But everyone seemed to be very good, that you can't even choose who you want to win. But of course, I know who am I really cheering for.

The stage got vacant and a guy went up and started speaking. I stopped and listened for a while, only to find out that the band I've been waiting for is about to play now.

"And we have here guys, the ever so handsome high school boys, 5 Seconds Of Summer!"

I grinned as I watch them walk to their positions. I remember that name, it was the one that Michael shouted that night when we watched a movie. I never thought he was serious about it. I wonder how and why he came up with that name? Not that I'm saying it's not good and catchy but... it's just, I don't know. I'll try to find out later.

"Hi, uhm." Luke startled everyone with his deep voice. "I uhm- I'm Luke, and I'm the lead singer and I strum some strings too. Michael here, he plays the guitar as well. And Calum right there, he plays the bass. And of course, Ashton, our drummer and we are 5 Seconds Of Summer."

He adjusted his mic and the two did the same thing. Everyone was quiet and some were booing while Luke was talking. I guess it's just really a part of it. After a few seconds they all got ready. Ashton started banging the drums, signaling his bandmates to start. Luke started, followed by Michael, and Calum started singing.

I locked my eyes on him as he sing Teenage Dream. It's a pop song, and I have to admit it suddenly became my new favorite because of their rock rendition of it. They sounded so perfect that I started nodding my head. I don't know the lyrics but I found myself humming. I looked at Calum, he's looking down. I hope he's feeling better now. He's doing great, I hope he knows it.

It came into the chorus part and it was Luke's turn. I looked at him as he sing the part with such feelings. He was smiling at Stella, and I think he was doing more than that. He looked different as he smile, and I turned to look at Stella, she was smiling sweetly at him too. I knew from the moment she mentioned his name, there was something behind it. I know she likes him, and I can feel he likes her too. They would look so beautiful together. I smiled as Luke remained singing his heart out while looking to Stella.

I couldn't stop wishing Calum would look at me too. I turned to look back at him. He remained looking at his guitar. I guess he really doesn't see me that way.

They finished the song and once again, the crowd that was quiet when Luke was talking had gone wild. They all seemed to like them, I guess. Luke went back to his mic and started talking about their next song. I smiled as he said that it was their own composition. Ashton began slamming the cymbals and Calum doing some bass riffs. I immediately took back my opinion about bassists being irrelevant. I couldn't even understand why he keeps getting scared. He plays the bass so freaking good. I couldn't find the words to say how great he was. It's just that, that's it. He's really great.

Everyone was dancing but I remained standing on my feet, locking my gaze to Calum. He must have forgotten how scared he was before, because he's obviously having so much fun while performing. His messy black hair bounces as he bangs his head lightly. He's wearing a black tank top, making his MMXII tattoo visible. He was sweating and panting, and no matter how much I deny it too myself, I have found every detail about him ridiculously hot.

"So let's go 'til we lost control
And we'll stumble through it all
Let's do something new and
Unpredictable..."

My mouth hang open with those final lyrics. I knew for a fact that it was from me. I remembered how Calum's eyes lit up the moment those words came out of my mouth. I smiled as I think back of that day. The roller coaster, the tattoos, and even the hug. They were all the unexpected things we did that day. The unpredictable things, that actually became a big part of my life. And now with the fact that Calum put my line on one of their songs, I just don't know what to say anymore. My heart feels so light, I can't even feel the ground anymore. This feels really great.

"Thank you for the wild crowd, wow!" Luke shouted with a huge smile on his face. I looked at Stella, she's smiling and blushing. I couldn't get rid of the thought of them being cute together.

"Now for our last set, the last song we're about to play is a song written by my friend, our bassist, Calum. Dude let 'em hear you buddy." Luke said and let Calum finish the talking. He walked closer to his mic and looked up at the crowd.

"Hi," he smiled. "This song is uhm- I made it and wrote it with all of my heart. I'm not sure if it sounds good but, yeah. This song is everything about I feel about someone."

I looked down and somehow felt my heart sank. Someone. He has someone. I don't even know why but I kind of wish it was me, but I know that it's far from being that. I looked back at him as he started strumming. At least he's happy. That's all I ever wanted for him. I want him to be truly happy. Even if it's not with me.

"You look so beautiful
No one but me knows you're insane
I feel so damn pathetic
My friends just don't get it..."

I feel like the only thing that is left for me to do here is to give comments about everything he does. After this, I can go alone and say my precious goodbye and just forget about everything. It's hard, I know. I have never even thought of doing it yet.

"'Cause you've got me under oath
Before you I was in a fucking rut
One day you're in the past
That night I ask you back..."

Calum means a lot to me. And I couldn't just let him go. But I know, it has to end.

"It started out just harmless fun
But now you've got me thinking you're the one!"

Wait.

What?

"'Cause if you wanna take me home
You know I'm ready to leave
You've got me under your spell
Please don't set me free!
'Cause I've been having all these nightmares
Seeing you is my only way of feeling so defenseless
But I'm telling you
I wouldn't change a thing!"

My breath suddenly got stuck in my throat for some unknown reason. My heart stopped, and I couldn't seem to move. I don't understand. Why the hell am I shaking?

"You've got me feeling strange
'Cause I love to hate you so damn much
But I can't think of leaving
'Cause you're what keeps me breathing..."

I stayed focus as I watch him sing. My mind is starting to get flooded with weird thoughts and I know I shouldn't be thinking about it. I don't have the right to. I'm not even sure. Could his lyrics mean something? I don't want to expect at things. I can't calm down. Everyone around me was dancing, and here I am, standing awkwardly in the middle of a crowd, drowning myself with my own thoughts.

I turned to look at Luke who is now having his guitar solo. I somehow got drifted away from my thoughts because of how amazing he was. He didn't even flinch, his face full of passion as he move his fingers on his guitar. Right after the last chord, it went silent. The drums had stopped, and the only thing that is left playing is Michael's guitar, slowing plucking some strings. Calum moved closely at his mic, his lips almost touching it. He held it tightly, as his eyes started meeting mine slowly.

"'Cause if you wanna take me home
You know I'm ready to leave
You've got me under your spell
Please don't set me free!"

And there it was. He didn't look away from my gaze as I locked mine on him. He was smiling, my heart is screaming. This is just what I was asking, but it was even more than that. He never looked at me like this before. The way those lyrics escaped from his mouth had done something in my head that I never got to feel before. I feel like I was drowning in a good way. I can barely hear anything, I can't even feel the ground. Everything is about him now. It's like things had changed and I just got the chance to realize everything. It feels like I just woke up from a bad dream. The darkest colors had turn into the brightest, the beautiful ones. The sadness had turned into a beautiful escape. His dagger looks had turned into gazes like he was mending me. His smile that once meant nothing to me had turned into my strength. This boy, who was once the person whom I thought I'd never even care about, had become the person that never in my life had I thought I'd never met. Within a glimpse, I have come to realize. Everything has changed.

I am in love with Calum.