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So Many Things- Steve Rodgers (Captain America)

Hey guys! Long time, no see. 

The song that goes with this fanfic is called "If You Only Knew" by Shinedown and it's going to probably be one of the saddest pieces I've ever written. But there will be a happy fic right after this one! I hope you guys enjoy!!

(Y/B/Y)= Your birth year
(Y/D/V)= Your dream vacation

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The sun extended its rays through the lacy white curtains covering a small window, only to brush their fingers over the chiseled features of a young man spralled out on his messy queen sized bed. Morning birds' songs floated on the light breeze cooling his small bedroom, whispering for him to wake up. But he didn't want to wake up, not without you.  

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew

A soft vibration caused his blue eyes to open. Groaning, he rolled over to his bedside table and picked up his phone. "You doing okay, Steve?" Sam texted him. Sighing, he placed his phone back on the table and sat up, rubbing his hands over his eyes. Why today of all days. The sun was shining so brightly. The temperature paired perfectly with the breeze. The flowers smelled exceptionally well today, it was as if they had no respect for the challenge he was going through. 

So he started the day as usual. He made a breakfast of toast and jam with a side of piping hot black coffee. Then he took a shower, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and put on a black suit paired with a white tie. After slipping on some black shoes, he texted Sam with a simple, "I'm ready." And then he waited. 

His blue eyes wandered from the teetering tower of dishes to the slowly wilting red roses by the front door. With his eyes, his mind wondered too. She would never let the dishes stack up like that. She would know what to do to save those flowers. Roses were always her favorite. Should I bring roses with me?  "Ding!"  Steve's head jerked to the front door and willed his feet to move his body towards it. Upon opening, he saw that Sam was in similar attire, hands in his pockets. "You ready to go?" he asked, sympathy laced in his voice and in his eyes. "Ready as I'll ever be," Steve mumbled in response. 

The two spent the next half an hour in a silent car ride, stopping only once to pick up a single red rose. Steve looked down at the flower in his hands, wondering if she ever knew how much he actually cared. Every little quirk she had, every favorite song, every mishap at a meal piled up into a love so great it blinded him still. When Peggy passed, he felt a sorrow he hadn't felt in a long time, but this heartache was something that could never be mended. She came into his life and filled a void left by Peggy and his comrades from his past. But now the void was open again, empty of hope. He held his breath, looking back on the past three years. Did she ever know how much I loved her?

For the next hour, people stood and spoke of the love this woman had for her friends, family, and boyfriend. She was the "light of our lives" and an "angel on earth" and numerous other cliches. But when Steve was asked to say a few words, he looked up at the minister, opened his mouth, but closed it and shook his head. What he had to say was only for his love. 

The casket was a slick black, rose gold edges lining the lid and hinges as well as the initials on the top. It was gently lowered six feet into the ground and the guests took turns scattering dirt on top on her covered corpse. Once the ground was filled and flowers were placed, only Steve remained with his flower in hand. He looked at the marble headstone, white and pristine, so unlike the woman he knew. The words it bore were as black as a summer june bug.