Until Then (ImmortalHD, Kootra, DanzNewz,TheSyndicateProject)

Chapter 15

God works in mysterious ways. You never know what obstacle he throw at you next. God threw the first curve by in this mess when he took James. The next was when I got pregnant. The final one in the mess of game, Jordan cheating. You see, the only good that came out of any of this is I have a child, the only thing keeping me whole while my world shatters into hundreds, then thousands of pieces. God always has to remind you that your not in control. No matter how devastating.

I sat at my kitchen table with a bowl of cereal sitting in front of me. Dan and Tom were still asleep, filling the silence in this house with their snores. I just stirred the cereal around, knowing I have to eat but feeling sick every time I open my mouth. I sighed and threw my spoon in defeat. Soon my bowl went flying along with everything else on the table. Dan came running in and restrained me. I fell apart right there in my brothers arms. I cried harder and harder. Dan just sat there holding me tight not saying a word.

Soon my episode was done and the mess had been cleaned. I was sitting in a warm bath, bubbles, candles, the whole shibang. Trying to relax, but trying to decide. Stay or go, should be simple, but here I sit. Confused and hurt. Seems to be something I feel a lot nowadays. I don't understand why Jordan would do this to me. It just doesn't make sense. Do I really want to go back to Colorado and face him? Or do I want to stay here and avoid him? All these questions, and I had no answer.

My phone sat next to me, buzzing like crazy. Jordan kept trying to get ahold of me, but I just sat there blankly looking at my phone. I had well over 200 missed calls from him and probably that same amount or more of texts. He's been doing this all night and day. I want to answer so badly but I can't bring myself to pick up the phone. I can't even pick up the phone to call Aleks because Jordan won't stop calling.

I decided after being in the bath for so long that I needed to get out. The water was cold, my bubbles were long gone, and my entire body was a prune. I had made a decision and needed to tell my brother. I got myself dressed and walked out into the living room. I sat down next to Dan and sighed. I laid my head on his shoulder and let the tears fall. "Dan, I need to come home... I can't stay here alone..." Dan smiled slightly but knew why I wanted to come home. I've suffered most of my life with depression, when I was 16 ending my life seemed to be the only thing to stop the pain I was in. I was falling deeper and deeper, nothing could pull me out. I had it all planned out, I was going to end my life. I had the pills hidden in my room, the note written out, and the outfit on, and my makeup done. I laid in my bed, my eyes falling heavy after taking nearly the whole bottle of pills. Dan came running into my room. He found the note set out on the kitchen counter. He screamed after finding me. He forced me to throw up nearly all of the pills, and drove me to the hospital. I remember having no control of my body, I was just dead to the world yet I knew exactly what was happening. Dan sat next to me crying, he refused to leave. He kept saying he was sorry. He thought it was his fault. He thought because he left to chase his dream, that it was his fault. It wasn't though, it was everyone at schools fault. The bullying, the sexual harassment, and the teachers watching but doing nothing about it. I was raped in the locker room by two of the quarterbacks, right in front the female gym teacher, yet nothing was done. After it happened I laid in my bed for at least a week. I told no one about it because I was scared if I would have told, no one would have believed me. Dan and my mother are the only ones who know about that to this day. I was unable to move schools so I had to walk threw the halls and face the men who raped me.  I was forced to sit in the locker room where it happened, in classes where I sat next to one of the men who raped me, and surrounded by the people who watched and recorded it happening. I finally had enough, so I tried to end my life. Thank god for Dan, because I wouldn't be here today if he wouldn't have come home early.

A few days passed, and finally I had everything packed. Aleks was setting a room up for me at his new place. We had my bed shipped over, along with my dresser and a few other items that I couldn't take on the plane. Tom has been really sad at the fact I decided to leave. He's been helping out a lot though. As far as we know Jordan is still in the UK. He gave up trying to call after two days of him nonstop calling me. He came to my apartment yesterday but Dan wouldn't let me see him. Jordan kept calling for me and I just sat there numb. I couldn't move. I just hope Jordan doesn't find out I'm coming home. I honestly just want a few days away from him and everyone else. Dan doesn't hardly let me out of his site. Tom has yet to back to his house. He refuses to leave until he knows I'm heading back to Colorado. My mother has called every day, she knows something is up. She knows I'm pregnant, but just not about the Jordan thing yet. I don't want to tell her. It'll only worry her. She worries enough about me. 

We got everything packed into the car, I gave my keys to the landlord, then we were off. Tom was nice enough to drive us to the airport. We sat in silence the whole ride. The tension was thick. We all were scared if we talked, we'd all burst into tears. Once we got to the airport, Tom helped us unload everything. I looked at Tom and instantly started to cry. I hugged Tom tight and cried as we said our goodbyes. Tom kissed my forehead and looked down at me.

"If you need anything or want to come back, I have a room for you at my house that is big enough for you and the baby. I'm only a phone call away." With that we said out goodbyes and walked into the airport. Now a new adventure begins, and I don't know if I'm ready for it.