Into the Dark (ORIGINAL AND UNEDITED EDITON)

Thirty One

Maybe it was the joke I'd pulled the night I told him? Maybe the mere hint of us not being able to have sex had made him needier? Whatever the reason, for the last week, he had only left my side when I went to work. He'd stayed at mine every night since, and even begged me to stay at his last weekend when he'd had Caleb. I'd been reluctant because I didn't want Caleb to think I was encroaching on his time with his father. But according to Jake, my being there would mean Caleb wouldn't spend the entire night asking about me.

In the end, it had been a lovely night filled with rug wrestling, the Lion King sing-a-long, and CBeebies bedtime stories. I'd spent most of the time watching them in awe; marvelling at how much fatherhood suited Jake. He conversed with his son with ease, scolded him gently whenever he said or did something mischievous or unsafe, and slipped in moral lessons about right and wrong without thought.

As I watched them I'd thought a lot about what he'd said last week. About how he'd initially wanted no involvement in his son's life. I'd thought about what a waste that would have been. He was incredible with him. He gave the impression that nothing about nurturing this beautiful, dependent little human phased him in the slightest. His manner reminded me a lot of my own dad - gentle but firm, warm but disciplinary, loving but considered. I'd been more certain than ever that Jake was the only kind of father I'd want to have a child with.

The day after, when we'd pulled up to Vicky's terraced house in Stepney to drop him off, I'd turned around in my seat to thank Caleb for letting me join in on his 'daddy day'. He'd smiled wide and shoved himself forward between the two front seats to kiss me lightly on the cheek. The gesture had almost stopped my heart. "I want you to read me my story next time Alex, not my dad," he announced. He didn't seem to care that Jake was standing right there, ready to lift him out of the car.

I flicked my eyes to Jake who was smiling at me, eyebrow raised. "Um, well, I'd be very happy to read you your story next time, Caleb," I replied. "If that's ok with your dad?" His story was 'Dear Zoo,' a progression from The Very Hungry Caterpillar who Jake was 'fucking glad to see the back of.' As he'd read it to him I'd peeked into the bedroom and almost burst out crying from how adorable the sight was. "Hmmm, I think I'll survive. Let's go little lion man," Jake said before gripping him under the arms and scooping him out of his car seat.

As Caleb waved goodbye to me Vicky appeared at the front door. With her hair knotted on top of her head and dressed in a hoodie and Ugg boots she stood with her arms folded like a surly teenager. I'd tried my hardest not to watch the interaction between her and Jake, but since I couldn't read lips it was all I'd had. It was the first time I'd ever seen them together and my curiosity about their relationship had abated none. They'd said a few words before he'd ruffled Caleb's hair and started back to the car. She'd then shouted something which I couldn't hear but which caused him to roll his eyes and throw a look back at her over his shoulder.

It made me wonder about how she'd react when he told her about the baby. Caleb's reaction worried me too. He seemed like such a sensitive little boy, and no doubt it would give him lots to think about. I hated the idea of causing him any kind of stress or worry. It felt to me that for a three-year-old, he did far too much of that already.

I'm by the sink considering all of this as he comes into the kitchen carrying his grey and blue rucksack as well as a large black holdall. Both appear to be full. I raise an eyebrow in question as he dumps them loudly by the kitchen door.

"So, all I had to do to get you to move in was get pregnant? If only I'd known it was that easy." I smile, drying my hands on the dish towel.

He narrows his eyes as he wraps his arms around me, pushing me back into the counter with his body. "It's two bags — don't get excited man trapper," he says lowering his mouth to kiss me, growling softly as he sucks on my lip. His hands skate over my behind and he grips it to pull me closer to him.