Into the Dark (ORIGINAL AND UNEDITED EDITON)

Twelve

Worrying about him takes up an inordinate amount of time I'd found. Worrying about our lives and how we would get out of this mess was almost abstract when I thought about his physical safety.

As far as I was concerned the second he left this house he was in danger, and so I worried. It was as though some magnificent internal clock begins ticking loudly, echoing through a large empty space, reminding me how lonely and sparse my life was without him.

He had called just before midnight to tell me he was about to set off, and would be driving for a few hours - he was with Dan and so couldn't talk long - but he told me he loved me and missed me. Then, before hanging up, he'd added in that quiet guttural growl that he could still taste me on his fingers. A parting shot designed to send me to sleep turned on and wanting him even more of course.

Ten minutes later he'd texted to tell me he was driving to Scotland, and with Kevin who had turned up at the last moment from wherever he was. My mind had of course gone into overdrive.

What was in Scotland? Who was in Scotland? Was whatever was in Scotland dangerous or illegal? Of course it was. Because that's who he was. That was who Dan was. And that was why he was changing his life.

I then wondered if he'd told me where he was going incase anything happened to him, because then at least I'd know where he was and who with. He said in his text not to worry, and so as always I tried to do as he told me.

Before I drifted off to sleep I thought about Mark. Was he still watching Jake? Or did cool it off mean complete and utter obliviousness when it came to their activities. That's when I realized that far from being a bad thing, the thought of Mark watching Jake in fact gave me some comfort. The idea of another set of eyes on him made the tight feeling in the back of my neck feel a little looser.

***

On my lunch, I call my mother, the phone ringing for so long that I'm about to hang-up. I also relax a little at the idea of Jake meeting my parents being delayed a little. However at the last minute answers, sounding out of breath and slightly harried as she pants down the phone.

"Hellllllo..."

"Hi Mum it's me, sorry were you busy? I was just about to hang up," I lift my scalding hot americano carefully and sip from the rim.

"Oh, Alex, sweetheart hi!" She chirps. "No, well yes, I was upstairs sorting through the back bedroom next to your brother's. You remember I wanted to make it into a craft room?" of course I did. She'd spoken about nothing else since he moved out. That and the new kitchen, which was thankfully behind us now. "Well I decided to just get the ball rolling, I ordered the most delightful wallpaper from this place down in Devon - you'd love it Alexandra, very New England Quaker - and your father is away to Wickes to pick up the shelves and bits and pieces – oh I hope he doesn't forget the no nails, I want to get it finished this weekend." She says in a rush. "Everything okay with you darling?"

Actually mum, now that you ask... I'm pregnant with Jake's child. Jake's the guy I mentioned before who broke my heart. He's nightclub owner with links to a London crime lord he's in the process of turning into the police. How did I get pregnant? Well, that was an accident. I was distracted after he told me about his secret son that I stopped taking my pill, and then we had unprotected sex on the hall stairs.

"Yes, I'm good mum," I say instead. "Really good."

"Oh great sweetheart, glad to hear that. And how did the rest of Robyn's wedding go? It was such a beautiful day," she muses.

"Yes it was, it was lovely. It went well, although I actually never made it to the end I was so exhausted." And by exhausted I mean pregnant. "Also, something else happened."