To Be A Runner

Chapter 12: Home

"He'll probably wake up soon, since I gave him the Melatonin just after we got you cleaned up." She pauses for a moment and looks at Sam thoughtfully. "I'm surprised he's not awake yet. I guess all that stress tired him out."

I remember everything he told me as I was running last night. I remember the ice cream rolls, and the French and engineering and Steve or Simon or whatever his name was. I remember the sadness and pain in his voice. But most of all I remember him calling me 'friend'. I remember him telling me to come home...

Home... I barely remember what it's like to have a home. Will... would if feel any different if I were too call this place home?

A mumbled out sentence and the ruffling of sheets pull me back to reality. I look at the cot beside me, watching as Sam sits up to run one hand through his hair while the other rubs his eyes. He looks at me, still a bit disoriented, and after a couple long seconds of staring it finally seems to click.

"Five, you're awake!" He exclaims, scrambling over beside me. "H-how are you feeling? I-I mean, you probably feel horrible but... still, how are you feeling?"

'Why do you think I'd feel horrible?' I question, as a teasing smile appears in my lips. 'Do I look that bad?'

My smile grows as the tips of his ears turn red. "N-No, I mean, you don't look as good as you normally do but-wait, that came out wrong. I mean, you look... great-fine. You look fine."

By now his entire face is red, and I bite my lip to keep from giggling, although my laugh would be voiceless...

'Thank you, Sam. Although I'm not sure I can say the same for you.'

My joke seems to ease some of the tension, and Sam runs his hand through his already messed up hair.

"You're probably right," He laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I haven't really looked in a mirror today."

He pauses a moment as a pained expression appears on his face, his eyes trailing away from my face. He swallows and there's an emotion in his eyes I can't quite recognize. I furrow my brows in confusion. His breathing becomes a bit shaky as his eyes bore into mine.

"Were you really going to do it?"

I blink, my face contorting to one of confusion. 'What?'

"Were you really going to..." His fingers reach up and brush against the skin of me neck, making me shudder and pull away slightly. "There's a pretty dark bruise, but even it weren't there we saw the rope around your neck."

I shrug. 'Well, I'm still here, aren't I?'

"The rope was broken, Five!" He fumes, and my eyebrows raise at his sudden anger. "Not cut, which means you didn't back out of it and... a-and you weren't going to, were you?"

I sigh through my nose, my eyes downcast as I sign out my honest answer. I remember the feeling of the rope around my neck, the desperate gasps for air although none came. I remember my feet kicking in attempt to find some kind of leverage. I remember coming rather close to death-I remember dying.

'I was going to try again after the rope broke,' I admit, glancing up at Sam and seeing his eyes glued to my hands, waiting for me to continue, 'with my axe... I was desperate. I knew my chances to find shelter were next to nothing and I didn't want to turn so I... was going to do it with any means possible.'