twenty five; letters

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Last night was a dream. We took Bonnie back to her room and tucked her into bed. That's where we had our first kiss, with the nurse awkwardly standing behind us.

Now, it was back to reality. The day I'd been dreading ever since I caught up with Vanessa in Starbucks. I had to go back to the military, to men shouting orders and repeating the same speeches over and over.

I rubbed my eyes, taking another sip of coffee. It was early, around 5:30 am and I'd just woken up from a short sleep. Besides, I had the whole coach journey to snooze. In front of me laid a stack of paper and a pen, the ingredients to a goodbye letter.

My hand shakily started writing words, one after another until I had a page full of black biro. I looked at the clock and saw it was 7:02. "Holy shit.." I whispered, realising it had taken me nearly 2 hours to write a stupid letter.

I folded up the paper until it was a small rectangle and stuffed it in my pocket. A duffle bag was packed on my bed, along with a camouflage jacket, which I tugged on. "I'm going!" My voice shouted throughout the empty house. Only Fiona responded, hurrying downstairs to engulf me in a hug.

"Be safe and no more fights." She reminded me, waggling a finger in my face. She ruffled my hair and smiled, practically pushing me out the door. "Go get em, tiger!"

I took the 'L' to campus. Elle was sat by the fountain and I ran towards her. "Hey!" I called, slowing to a stop in front of her. "Can you give this to Vanessa for me? I've gotta run but promise you'll give it to her."

She seemed startled but then nodded. "Sure. What-" Once she looked up from the letter, I'd already run off. "Okay then, bye!" She shouted behind me and I turned, giving her a small salute in return.

Next was the hospital. Since I'd visited everyday, the nurses let me straight through, even saying 'Hi' if they passed me in the hall. Bonnie was asleep, looking beautiful and at peace. It was hard to wake her but I only had limited time and I wanted to spend every second I had left with her.

"Pssst, Bonnie. Are you awake?" She turned over and opened an eye, groaning slightly. "Mornin' sunshine. Did you sleep okay?"

She sat up. "Not really, I was too excited to sleep. Last night left me buzzing." We smiled at each other and I embraced her petite body. "I can't believe you're leaving.."

"I know, but I'll visit every chance I can." She scooted over so I could share the bed, an arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer.

We cuddled for a while, just enjoying the moment. Time passed rapidly and soon enough, I had to hug her one last time. "Please stay safe. I don't want any phone calls about burst stitches." I chuckled, kissing her forehead.

She pouted before pulling me in for a proper kiss. "No one night stands. I know girls will find you irresistible but don't give in to em. Save it for when you visit." Bonnie winked and my eyes widened.

"Damn, I wish we had another half-an-hour." I joked.

It was time for me to walk away. "I get my phone every Friday, call me." I said, softly,  before turning towards the door. I stopped for one last look at her, to admire her beauty so I had something to look forward to when I had a weekend off. She saluted me and I returned the gesture before walking off down the corridors.

-Vanessa's POV;
"Okay class, open to page 36 please." I was in English and we were reading some weird play. I flicked through the pages until a folded piece of paper fell out. I frowned, opening it under the desk. My heart stopped as I recognised the shitty handwriting.

Vanessa,
You won't be seeing me around anymore. I'm needed back at military school so this is my goodbye. I was too much of a pussy to tell you in person so I wrote you a letter. But, understand that I never write letters so this is special. I know I blew you off for my past, and I'm sorry, but I'll always love you, even if it's just as a friend. I smiled, feeling a tear rolling down my cheek.

The years I spent chasing after you will never be regretted and the time we spent as a couple were some of the best months of my life. I hope you felt the same way. I'm sorry we aren't on the best terms right now and that's partly why I didn't come to you in person, but I'll be back. Maybe we could catch up again and put the past behind us. I nodded, considering his offer.

Anyway, stay safe with that psycho around. I've seen enough injuries and abuse to last me a lifetime. I wanna come back and see you in one piece. Also, if you could, pop in and visit Bonnie sometime. You were so great with her last time and she needs a friend like you in her life.

Missing you already,
Carl.

I laughed before covering my mouth. Everyone turned around to stare at me as we were on a slightly depressing scene in the play. I put my head down and smiled like a fool.

All I wanted to do was talk to him, hear his voice one last time. A hug would've been nice too.

Once the class finished, I stepped out onto the sidewalk and pulled out my phone. I dialled his number and waited but it went to voicemail.

"Hey Carl, I'm obviously too late but I read the letter. I love you too, and I always will. It may not seem like it but I'll always have a soft spot for you Gallaghers. Maybe fate will bring us back together, like it always does and we can face our problems in person." My voice started to crack. "It's a shame we never got to say goodbye properly. I never took you as a pussy but everyone's got a bit in em, I guess."

*BEEP*

The voicemail cut off and I sighed. I dialled and continued. "Last message, I promise. Anyway, where ever you are, whatever life throws at you, know that you have a family to come back to. I am your family and so is Bonnie. I'm not going anywhere." It took me a moment to compose myself. "Goodbye Gallagher."

I hung up and looked at my shoes. There was still hope in that moment, and over the next few months. I prayed for the day he would return but he never did, and I finally learnt that he wouldn't. Fate brings people together but after a while, it runs out. And I guess, so did ours.

-end of chapter;
I'm not going to say much because I want to make a separate chapter thing but you guys made me so happy over the course of these last few months. I love you all from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!

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