ᘔ ʞooᗺ sǝlɔᴉuoɹɥƆ

Forgiveness

Chapter Eleven

May 17th, 2009

I spent a few weeks hiding out at my dad's house and ignoring all of my friends. My dad has been chilly with me since the conversation we had with Aunt Janet. I didn't mean to hurt either of them but I felt like I was being attacked for doing what I always do. Damn, I feel guilty. Not about what I did, but what I said during the argument.

Getting up I go to the other side of the house to talk to him. I don't like it when my dad feels bad because it makes me feel bad. I find him in the piano room playing " Smile. " Except he isn't smiling. I hate that.

" Daddy? " I ask walking in.

He turns to look at me with sadness in his eyes. I go and sit next to him on the piano bench. Resting my head on his shoulder I sighs.

" I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean to hurt you. " I explain.

He puts his arm around my shoulders. " I know baby girl I just didn't want to hear what you had to say... But I needed to hear it. "

" So do you forgive me? " I ask.

He looks me in the face. " Only if you can forgive me for the life we live. "

" Oh, Daddy you don't have to say that. I don't blame you for the way things turned out. " I promise.

Looking at him up close I can see huge bags under his eyes. " Daddy when was the last time you slept?

" Insomnia came back. " He says gruffly.

See back when he was doing the Bad tour he would go from continent to continent. With different time zones, he never could sleep. Me on the other hand, I slept any chance I could... But I was still a kid. I didn't have to work, work, work, like him. All I had to do was enjoy traveling the world.

" Have you talked to your doctor? " I ask.

He nods. " They referred me to a doctor named Conrad Murray. "

" Have you called him? " I ask.

" No, not yet. " He says rubbing his eyes.

An idea comes to me. He isn't going to like it but I can at least put the idea in his head. " You know what I did when I was going through it with Prince? "

" What? " He asks.

I pause for a second before answering. " I got a medical marijuana card. "

" Bibi! " He says shooting up from the bench. " You're smoking now? "

I roll my eyes. " It's not like I'm using it recreationally. It's a prescription. I use it to sleep with my body refuses. And it's natural. You should look into it. "

" I don't smoke. " He says gruffly.

God this man can have a thick head sometimes. " You don't have to smoke it. They make edibles like brownies, cookies, candy... It's endless. Remember when we were in the car after you were proven not guilty? You told me you promised God to always trust my judgment. "

" You're right I did. " He says reluctantly.

I nod. " Then do me a solid and just look into it. I don't want you to end up in rehab again because you were searching for a good night's rest. "

He looks to be in deep thought. " Promise me. "

After a few moments, he nods. " I promise. "

••

After the talk with my dad, I decided to go back home. Since my diagnosis, I've done a lot of thinking and soul-searching and I've made a decision. Slathering my face and arms in sunscreen I grab my umbrella and get in my car.

Pulling my phone from my purse I dial a number and wait for an answer.

Bibi?

" Prince? Where are you? " I ask trying not to sound off.

I'm at the record plant with Larry. Why, what's going on?

Thank God he's still in Cali. " Will you meet me at my condo? It's important. "

Yeah, I can do that. I was just leaving anyways. Is everything okay?

" I just need to see you. " I say urgently.

Okay, I'll see you when I get there.

When I walk in the door of my condo I go straight to my piano. Music has always been there for me when I was going through it so I start playing. Funny enough my finger starts playing " Smile " without me thinking about it.

Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by...

If you smile, with your fear and sorrow. Smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll find that life is still worthwhile.

If you just...

Light up your face with gladness. Hide every trace of sadness. Although a tear may be ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying. Smile, what's the use of crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile.

Though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking.

When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by.

If you smile with your fear and sorrow. Smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll find that life is still worthwhile.

If you just smile. Though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky we'll get by...

That's the time you must keep on trying. Smile, what's the use of crying? You'll find that life is still worthwhile.

If you just smile.

As I play the last note I can hear clapping coming from behind me. I look over my shoulder to see Prince grinning at me.

" I'd love to see you smile. " He says coming up to me.

Before he can get to the piano I'm up and I run into his arms. He holds me close and no words are spoken for a while. I just really need to be in his embrace.

" What's wrong mama? " He asks softly.

I look up at him and shake my head. " It's just a big mess I'll tell you later. I just wanted to be with you for a while. "

I know he wants to push, but he doesn't. We end up cuddling on the couch and watching MTV, which is playing Purple Rain ironically. We definitely have a lot to work through, but I'm just glad to be here with him in the now.