Reverie

Preparation

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I swallowed, tears were pouring out on my eyes. I pursed my lips tightly. I couldn't believe he would do this to me. Seven years and it just ended up like this. I nodded slowly and stared at him with my glossy eyes, "Why?" I tried not to quiver. It was so unlikely of him. The nicest guy you thought who wouldn't hurt you.

He didn't speak, he just sat there on the couch, looking down at his soft yet rough hands as if there was something written on there and couldn't see.

I knew the reason. But I didn't want to say it. I knew. But I wanted it to know that what I was thinking was actually that one.

"I'll just—" I wiped away a tear, I was having a hard time, especially when there was a big lump on my throat. I started recalling all of the things we did when we were young. All of those would be such a waste. For it not to be repeated again. He didn't even ask if we could just stay friends. None. Even so, I knew that would still hurt. I examined his face, looking for the lie. Looking for the joke. Yet there were none. Or perhaps I just couldn't see it. And he was just hiding it well.

I wanted him to look at me. Look at me and smile and laugh, saying it was a prank, 'it wasn't true, I just wanted to scare you'.

"I..." I didn't know what to say, he just kept silent. He couldn't even look at me. I choked and covered my mouth, "You told me you'd never leave me." It was a promise. He never broke a promise.

He just pursed his lips. His eyes were now glued on the worn wooden floor like it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen, even though he had stepped on it a lot of times.

I took a deep breath, it was better that Martha was out buying groceries. Not watching what Clark and I had happened now. She would probably watch in silence with concern as she shifts her brown eyes between us in the corner. Or probably would knock some sense out of Clark saying to stop the joke. It wasn't funny.

He slowly stood up and started padding to the main door of his house. Every step he took was like thunder in my chest. And every step he took, my heart was gradually breaking into enormous ones. The sight of him walking away from my life was dreadful. I sat down on the chair and I felt my heart being crushed into millions of pieces. I never wanted this. After all we've been through. It just ended up like this.

I wanted to beg. I really did. But I couldn't speak. I was confounded and my mind was dancing all across inside my skull. I wanted to run to him and bury my head to his chest as I gripped into his shirt, begging not to leave me. He made a promise.

I never thought this day would arrive, the day when he would break up with me. I knew for a fact that there would be a day, in one way or another, he would be taken from me. We had so many memories. Why now?

He reached for the knob and turned it. "Stay," I barely whispered as he shut the door behind him. As soon as I heard the knob made a sound, I fell to the ground and tears poured so slippery on my cheeks.

I cried for days. Sobbing and screaming the pain out. Contemplating for the days I've done something wrong, contemplating for the reasons why Clark has decided to leave me. I rarely get him mad. If we fought, we would still make up the same day. But not this time, I knew it won't be fixed. This was a dead-serious matter. And if this was a prank, I didn't like it. It was what I dreaded the most. I called him repeatedly, sometimes he would leave it be or actually decline the call. It was agonizing.

I tortured myself by staring at our pictures, by staring at our old messages. I waited for him to come home until he made it clear he won't be coming back for me.