Neglected Desires

Chapter 39

My head was a jumbled mess of pain and anger all floating on a thick stream of intoxication.  Between deep, loud, nearly hyperventilating breaths I told Tony what had happened as I leaned against his frame for support in that elevator. His arm around my shoulder, trying to comfort me and keep me upright as the door dinged open only to find Kirk standing there, his jaw falling slack at the sight of my nearly crumpled frame being held up almost entirely by the foreign arm around me.

"Tony?" His usually steady tone thick with concern and question as we made out way out into the hallway.

"They had a fight." Tony's words matter of fact as we started down the hall, Kirk now following close behind us, completely forgetting wherever it was he had been originally headed.

"Ok, but I'm not sure this is the best. . . "

"Oh shut the fuck up Kirk and grab my key card out of my back pocket." we stopped abruptly at a non descript beige door. "I need to put her down before she falls down." without another word I saw Kirks hand come around us, inserting the white plastic card into the reader, making the light turn green. As the door opened my eyes fell closed and my body went slightly limp against Tony.

"Fight or not you know he isn't going to like you getting in the middle of this shit Tony," my body met with the pliant cushions of the hotel couch, curling in on itself, "and now you've got her in your room." heavy sighs and the shuffling of feet filled my ears and moments later the soft weight of a blanket caressed my shoulders.

"Kirk do me a favor and shut up. I need you to stay here for a few minutes to keep an eye on her."

"And where the hell are you going?" I don't need a babysitter, the words rang out in my head, but I couldn't seem to get them to my lips. Instead the thought silently echoed off the walls of the mind over and over as my body started to feel like it was falling through space. As if the couch had somehow disappeared and my body was allowed to hang uncomfortable in space, just waiting for the fall to being.

"I'm going to go talk some sense into his uppity little ass. He's fuckin' up Kirk and I'm not gonna let that happen."

"Is this about all the shit people have been talking about this girl? I mean if it is then maybe she shouldn't be. . ."

"Kirk!" Tony's voice rang loud enough that had my body not been drowning in liquid comfort I would have jumped. "That shit you heard ain't right ok."

"You don't know that man, unless you were around this girl in the past. . . "

"I wasn't, but someone I know was." his tone softened and my body stiffened at his unusual statement. "I didn't realize it until earlier this evening, but I know someone who used to spend time with Alexa, I know exactly what happened to this poor girl." the silence in the room was thick and even with my eyes closed and appearing to be asleep I could tell they were both looking at me, a silent conversation happening between two friends as they studied the topic. "I'm gonna go talk to him, please stay here Kirk." There was no further answer only the sound of the hotel door closing. The sounds of Kirk's distinct voice mumbling his irritation with the entire situation were the only sounds in the room as I felt myself drifting off to sleep, my body suddenly too tired to keep going. 

As I slept my mind filled with images of everything that had transpired over the last few months. everything between Prince and I, and Alysha, and Kevin. Even in my drunken sleep I could feel my heart breaking for Kevin. I dreamt of the day I spent with Kevin after Alysha disappeared, how Prince had calmed the small, confused boy. I dreamt of how things were and how I'd make things if I could only control the world.  Some time later the quiet, muffled sound of voices intruded on my sleep, on my perfect dreams of how thing should be, how things could never be that way. My mind kept drifting in and out, the noises around me fuzzy, my head feeling as though it was spinning free of my body and I couldn't focus on the timing or the order of events.  At some point I felt the casual caress of fingertips pushing my undoubtedly disheveled hair away from my face and a slight dip in the couch. It felt as though the room was completely devoid of sound for the longest time and I sank farther into the vast empty silence.

A sharp intake of breath shook me from my sleep, eyes flying open only to meet with a vast blinding darkness that had settled over the room.

"I'm so sorry Alexa." the breath from that nearly unrecognizable voice passed over my cheek, causing am awkward mixture of emotions to flow through my blood.  An intense mix of hurt and pleasure slammed against me at the mere though of him being with me.  Did he come here to toss more accusations in my direction? My heart and my breathing jumped at the painful thought. "I'm an asshole, I have been for years, but I've never meant to show you that side of me" My eyes slowly started to adjust to the heavy blanket of darkness shrouding us. "I didn't mean what I said, I've never thought that and I don't think that now. I'm so sorry." Finally I could see him, his head resting on his folded arms against the seat of the couch, face to face with me, while he sat on the floor curled up to the couch. It was far too dark to make out his face clearly, but his outline told me he was dressed casually and his hair was a complete mess.

"Why am I on the couch?"  The exposed scar still lingering within me prevented me from addressing what he'd said, but I couldn't figure out why he'd put me on the couch. Tentative fingertips tracing a line over the sensitive skin of my forearm, delicately following an invisible line to the inside of my wrist. I could feel his eyes, fathomless pools of heated amber, studying me

"This is where you were when I came down." his voice barely above a sad whisper.

"I'm still in Tony's room." It was a statement more to myself. The quiet, rumbling sound of agreement came from deep in his throat, this fingers trailing farther down to my hand, cautiously entwining with mine.

"Alexa," his deep voice wavering slightly, a sound so unfamiliar to me, "Tony knows one. . ." my heart leapt hard against my chest at the sharp sound of knuckles cracking against the door.

"P!" Tony's distant voice came through the door. "There's a call for you, well for Alexa I think. Its from back home, something about someone named Kevin."