Neglected Desires

Chapter 35

The first few weeks of the tour flew by and before I knew it we were already well into the first leg of the tour.  The shows had pretty much gone off without any problems, even Prince was hard pressed to find many flaws in those first few performances, though true to form he did manage to find a few minuscule items that needed adjusting. I could tell from the reaction of his band mates that the amount of genuine praise he gave them those first weeks was fairly uncommon from their hard driving leader. Watching them interact, all pushing toward the common goal of leaving the crowd mentally, emotionally and physically drained every night was truly incredible. Sure I'd been to his shows before, but I'd never seen what happened behind the scenes day after day and it was truly incredible.

As for me, well things were a little different. I watched each show from the side of the stage, usually sitting on one of the large black equipment crates, quietly and always completely alone. After that first night I didn't have any other problems or even real interactions with Trina. She seemed to have nearly disappeared, but something had obviously happened that I wasn't aware of.  Not only had Trina disappeared, but she seemed to also take all the other women along with her. After that first night I couldn't get anyone of the women who came out on the road with their significant others to talk to me or barely even acknowledge me. I'd pass by groups of women back stage and they would stop talking and watch me as I walked by; I'd stop and try to strike up a conversation with someone only to have them turn and walk away as I was talking. People would literally roll their eyes and walk away as I was asking how they were doing. Of course the band and the road crew were still very friendly with me, welcoming me into conversations and inviting me to join them on little outings, but that was only in the rare free time they had. The vast majority of my time was spent completely alone. During press events, rehearsals, soundcheck, the shows, band meetings, after show performance review... all those things that really make up a tour didn't involve me in anyway and all the people left behind during those events seemed to hate me.

Prince asked on numerous occasions those first few weeks how things were going on the tour for me and every time he asked the excitement in his eyes was so overwhelming I couldn't stand the thought of ruining that for him. The last thing I wanted was to be a bother, I didn't want him to have to worry about me when he had so much else going on. So I lied to him. Each time he asked I lied to his face, telling him things were fine and I was getting on great with everyone. And he never second guessed my answers; I'd never given him a reason to second guess me. By the time we had our first day off in Paris I had become a little depressed, a little home sick. Sure I loved the time I got to spend with Prince and even with the band, but having no one to talk to the vast majority of the time was starting to take it's toll on me.

Waking up that morning in our lavishly decorated hotel suit I rolled over, my heart dropping as I once again came face to face with a large vacant spot on the opposite side of the bed. My eyes caught sight of a small piece of hotel stationary, which I quickly grabbed as a heavy sigh pushed out of my lungs.

Alexa ~ Sorry I had some last minute meetings come up for today. I'll be back for dinner tonight. Wear that purple dress and be ready by 7. I hear the ladies are going out to explore Paris today, go have fun with your friends and I will see you tonight. ~ Love P

"Fuck" mumbling into the feather pillow my head landed in as I laid the note back on the bed. As much as I wanted to, I knew it would look suspect if I didn't leave the room all day, but honestly all I wanted to do was crawl back under the plush white comforter and stay there. Instead, I fought my urge and hoisted myself out of the intoxicating comfort of the Parisian bedding and found my way through my morning routine, before finding myself sitting at the café next to the hotel. For a lack of anything else to do I had taken to going to the nearest coffee shop or café I could find during the days and spent my time there. Since I hadn't really made any appearances with Prince or the band I was in no way associated with them by the people who wandered around me, leaving me in peace. It was late morning when I found myself sitting in what looked like an antique wood chair with an intricate carving on the back, sipping strong coffee from a small, delicate porcelain cup, with a half eaten buttery pastry residing on my plate. I watched through the large window as people strolled down the street, most of them gave the appearance of just meandering with no real destination. My mind started to drift as I thought about each group of people, and what their stories might be. Where were they from? What were they doing here in this place? Were any of them feeling nearly as alone as I felt. As my eyes caught those of a young girl for just a moment, I wondered to myself f my loneliness was visible from the outside.

"Hey." the sharp tone of the words brought me back from the edge of my musing, turning to watch as Trina lowered her oversized ass into the chair across from me. Straightening my back as I turned to face her head on, noting her skirt that was too short and her top that was at least a size too small. "Surprised he hasn't sent you home yet." her words casual as she reached over picking off a piece of my flakey pastry and throwing it in her mouth.

"And just why would he do that?" My one matching hers as I sat back, sipping my coffee while my eyes stayed on her over the cup.

"For the same reason no one's taking to you." the slightest smirk lifting the left side of bright red lips. Leaning over the table her voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Because all it's going to take is one of them telling their significant other and that person mentioning it to Prince. . .then he won't know if he can trust you." sitting back up, her arms crossing over her artificial chest. "Then you'll be sitting in coach on your way home before you knew what hit you." My forehead creased as I thought for a few moments about what she could possibly know about me that would have everyone reacting that way, then the realization slapped me in the face that this bitch didn't know anything about me.