Neglected Desires

Chapter 5

I sat trembling on the floor at the foot of the bed I would call home for at least the next few nights. I've been sitting here for the better part of an hour, my knees pulled in tight to my chest with my arms stretched around them. I had come straight up here after I left him standing in the studio; I'd busied myself with changing into my gray pajama pants and a deep purple tank top, trying to convince myself I could crawl into bed and pretend this never happened, but at some point it felt as though the floor has fallen out from under me and this is where is landed. My mind was running wild and the thought I kept coming back to was that once the morning light shine in this situation I would be without my friend. Lovers, though short lived, seemed to be a dime a dozen for me, but a true friendship like the one we share is the hardest thin in the world to find. There was this feeling washing over me, like an Arctic breeze rushing through my sound. He had opened a window to a part of me is rarely allowed myself to acknowledge and it simply wouldn't close now. That breeze carried every thought of him I'd ever pushed back, ignored, and otherwise dismissed. Memories of emotions I'd tried to brush off and touches that had caused shivers which I blatantly ignored. This had been going on for so long I couldn't pinpoint when it had started.

Thinking back over my last few relationships I could finally see it...I had been holding them all up to the standards I had developed based on him, based on how I assumed he would be. Taking a deep breath, I ran my fingers through my shoulder length hair before throwing my head back against the bed and released a loud sigh. "This is so messed up." My words seemed to echo around me, only serving to remind me that I was alone. Alone is exactly how I felt in this situation. Just as I felt panic starting to build it was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. I turned my head to face the solid piece of wood separating us, and rested my cheek on my knees.

"Come in." The door opened and there he stood as if nothing had changed. That white shirt hanging off his left shoulder as he leaned against the door jam, crossing his arms over his chest. He just looked me over for a moment before a small smirk appeared on his rosy lips.

"You can use the bed you know." His grin and that slight laugh in his voice broke the tension in the room. "Can I sit with you?" A silent nod my only answer. His bared feet carried him across the plush carpet with the same aura of confidence he always seemed to embody. Turning my head, resting my right cheek on my knees, I watched as he sank down to the floor; legs stretched out, resting his back against the bed, with his hands resting on his thighs and his right side pressed against me. "I want to tell you a story..."

"Prince, I know what you're..."

"No," his voice was bordering on stern, but his eyes were soft, "you don't know baby." He left a long pause, as if giving me a chance to protest and when I didn't a waterfall of words began falling from what I had always imagined were soft lips. "When Jon introduced us all those years ago, you were barely old enough to get into the club and things were just starting to get crazy around me." Those mocha colored eyes were staring far into the past, a brief flash of some emotion I couldn't read moved across his features. "I remember you were dating that guy and I'd known you maybe a half an hour before I told you I didn't like your man. You were so indignant that I would have the nerve to judge your relationship and say that when I barely knew you."  I felt an incontrollable frown tug at my lips as that memory came back to me and just how right he had turned out to be. "I was actually surprised you talked to me when we crossed paths again a few months later." A barely audible laugh came just behind his words. "You became so important to me as I went through purple rain." His leaned his head back against the bed, stretching his neck and making his Adam's apple more prominent and making me wonder what the skin on his neck would taste like and would it taste different covered In a thin sheen of sweat. "You were the only person I could talk to," I let my eyes fall closed as his words transported me back to those days, "any time I called or showed up at your door, you were always there. There were times during that whole process I thought every relationship I had, even the band, had been destroyed, but never us."

The memories of those days flowed back and I remembered some of those calls and late night visits and how my heart had just broke for him. He had always known what he wanted and that it would be hard for him, but the experience being hard on his friends was something he had never been prepared for.

"Then a few months after the tour started, I'll never forget, I called you in the middle of the night. We talked about everything it felt like, I played you some new song ideas, you read me some of your writing...we didn't hang up until long after the sun came up for both of us. I laid in that hotel bed for the rest of the morning, thinking about you and that's when I realized how I felt. That I wanted you." My eyes opened to find his deep, soulful eyes staring a hole through me. My mind felt like a skipping record, trying to land on a singular, coherent thought.

"But you never said anything." My voice was timid.

"When I came back briefly a few months later you were in a relationship." He was right, I burned through men then trying to fill a void I didn't realize I had. "And every time after that there seemed to be a new man and you never seemed interested in anything besides what we had."

"I didn't know," lifting my head from my knees and trying to remove the baffled look from my face, "I didn't know how I felt even." He shifted his body, turning to face me. "I'm sorry Prince. I'm sorry I couldn't recognize my feelings when you did, I'm sorry..." My words were swallowed as my mouth was covered by his soft, warm kiss. I was so caught off guard I couldn't move and for a moment we sat there like that. He nibbled on my bottom lip as his hand came up to caress my right cheek. My trembling lips parted without a second thought, allowing our tongues to wander at will. I was lost in him, his smell, his taste, the sensation of his rough fingers moving across my cheek, the sensation of his tongue as it met mine. shocks of electric desire jolted through me as every part of me started to throb, my hand finding its way to the skin of that bare shoulder; fingertips exploring that exposed patch of smooth, warm flesh. After a few moments our lips parted and he rested his forehead against mine, his hand still cupping my cheek and our hearts pounding a little harder.

"I've never stopped wanting you." My tongue ran over my bottom lip, savoring his taste and he grinned as though he knew what I was doing. "And I will never let anything ruin our friendship." I nodded as a large, involuntary yawn came over me. Without warning he stood up and held his hand out for me, which I took and stood. Wrapping his firm arms around my shoulders, I wrapped mine around his slim waist, as he placed a chaste kiss on my lips. "Can I stay in here with you tonight?" He eyes almost looked worried, as though he somehow thought I would say no. "I want to fall asleep with you in my arms." Without another word I pulled him to the bed and we both settled in. He pulled me in tight against his shirt covered chest and I listened to his heart beating its steady rhythm. "One more thing, about that dream you had," his voice was quiet and reverberated through his chest, "I would never make you beg me to lick you baby."