Neglected Desires

Chapter 10

We stood there, firm arms wrapped around my trembling form as I let silent memories cascade down my warm cheeks, landing on his butterscotch shoulder; the weight of those memories lessening with each tear his skin quietly absorbed. At some point he guided me back to the purple couch our day had started at, where he sat and pulled me down into his lap in a tight embrace. My head buried in the crock of his neck, his left hand drawing soft, soothing circles on my back, while his right pushed stray hairs behind my ear.

"Why didn't you tell before now?" His deep voice ways soft, his words measured.

"I didn't tell anyone really." My eyes were dry by now, but I could feel just how swollen and red they were. "I didn't want people to look at me differently."

"I would have helped." Lifting my head from the safety of his shoulder, my tear stained face met his sad eyes. Sad eyes traced over my features before his fingertips traced the dry line running from my left eye to where the tears tripped off my chin.

"How?" My question came out harsh, not how I had intended it, but my tone honestly reflected how his words made me feel. I watched as Prince opened his mouth, as if to speak, only to close it without saying a word. Taking a deep breath I tried to remind myself that this is all new to him and I shouldn't expect him to know what to say. I was the on who's been living with this past and I'd had nearly a decade to decide what I never wanted to hear from people. "What do you think you could have done?" My words were softer this time and I waited as his deep hazel eyes searched mine for an answer. Dropping his right hand and bringing around to rest at the base of my back.

"This." He finally responded as his embrace tightened around me, "I would have done this."

"And I would not have wanted that...I wouldn't have let you touch me Prince." His brow furrowed, pained confusion slipped over his elegant visage. Shifting my eyes from his, I watched as my hand slid over his right bicep. "It was a few years before I let another man touch me." My voice soft while my eyes trailed up and over the gentle curve of his next, "you were the only man that I even let hug me for the longest time," a tiny smile creeping over my lips, " I've always felt safe with you." Soft lips landed briefly on my forehead.

"But," the confusion slipped into his voice, "you were always with someone every time I saw you out in public." His deep voice trailed off as fingers softly traced along the line of my jaw. "It was always some one new."

"You saw a lot of first dates." A coarse laugh passed over my lips. "It's funny how many men in their 20's have no interest in staying with a woman who doesn't even want to be touched." A comfortable silence engulfed us; talented fingers tracing my jaw, my lips, my cheek. Without looking at Prince's face I could feel him studying my features, as if he was trying to learn how they felt and look in this moment. I didn't dare let my eyes meet his, I was too afraid of the intensity I would see in them. I let the tips of my fingers slide over the firm line of his collar bone, which his low cut tank top left clearly exposed.

"What else don't I know about you?" His words sounded so far away, as if he was pondering out loud instead of actually talking to me.

"Time will tell." My eyes finally met just as he raised a questioning eyebrow. "The bigger question is what don't I know about you Mr Nelson." It was his turn to look nervous, but I never imagined him looking as nervous as he did. "Prince..." My words we're cut short by the sound of the phone on the table next to the couch. He quickly reached for the source of the noise, like a drowning man reaching for a lifeline.

"Hello...yes...oh,ok...when?...oh now?...alright...thank you." Putting the phone back on the receiver he wordlessly pulled me in for a passionate kiss. Both his hands threaded through my hair, tilting his head as his tongue found dominance over mine. A moan resonated from his throat as I grabbed the hair at the nape of his neck and gently tugged. We finally separated, breathless, hearts racing. "Your apartment is ready."

"Oh," my back straightened in surprise, "well ok, I should..."

"Stay here," that now familiar embrace tightened around me again, "please."

"Sure," a soft chuckle passed my lips at his strange reaction, "I can head home tomorrow."

"No," shaking his head, "I don't just mean another night, I mean stay here, with me."

"Um, Prince, don't you think that's a little impulsive?" I ran my hand over his back trying to calm him down as he sounded agitated. "Not to mention you're rarely here it seems like."

"We have a tour starting in June, the next two months I'm here rehearsing." Biting the inside of my cheek I tried to figure out what to say. Everything about him, from the look reflecting from his eyes to the caress of his hand at the base of my back told me he honestly wanted me there. "It's not like we just met, we have a history, we've stayed together before..."

"Not for months." I interjected

"Please." I was startled by the timid tone in his voice and the desperation I now saw shining in his hazel eyes. My eyes were caught in his, sinking in the vulnerability his gaze was conveying a look I hadn't seen in so long. Cupping his cheek with my right hand, the dark hair of his growing beard rough against my palm. "I need you here. I need my friend Alexa." His voice silenced as he turned his lips in for a moment.

"What happened?" Leaning into my hand slightly as if he hoped that would make me forget my own question. "We're going to do this right? Something more than friends right?" His head nodded gently as his bottom lip disappeared. "Then you have to be open with me."

"HE called yesterday." I felt my forehead wrinkle as I tried to find a name for the pronoun that seemed to fall so distastefully from those full lips and suddenly I knew.

"Your father?" His eyes left mine.

"I just have so much going on right now...the movie, the album, the tour," dragging his hand through his long dark hair, he released a heavy breath, "of course he wants to do this now" Prince hasn't told me what happened between him and his father last time. They had been close for a few years after the success of Purple Rain, then everything between them
Just seemed to stop. He never came around and Prince never spoke about him entirely and I knew better than to ask. If he wanted me to know, he'd tell me. Untangling myself from his arms I stood up and pulled him with me.

"Whatever happens with him," wrapping my arms around his neck "remember your an adult and it's entirely up to you if he gets to be a part of your life." I dropped a soft kiss on his cheek as I remembered how he seemed to forget those two pieces of information last time his father came into his life. He gave me a shy smile, but I saw the trepidation in his eyes. This was going to be hard for him and that broke my heart. "Now go put some heels on so we can go." I walked away heading for the guest room.

"Where we going?" Stopping at the door I turned back to see a confused look on his face.

"Well if I'm gonna stay here for a few months, then I need to get a couple of things." The smile that pulled his lips up was intoxicating and I couldn't help but reflect the same back to him.