The Accident (hunhanff)

Chapter 29

"Hey, Lu. I got you and kookie some stuff." I hear as I'm startled awake from a sleep I don't remember falling into. "Shit, sorry! I didn't mean to wake you." He says in a softer voice while my chest immediately tightens.

He's here? He's really here?

"Are you feeling alright?" He asks as he comes in with a few bags on his arms before I realize Jungkook is no longer on my chest and my shirt is wide open.

Panic courses through my veins as I look to the bed for Jungkook next to me while I quickly cover my chest.

"Oh, your mom has him, don't worry." He says before repeating his question, "are you feeling alright?"

"Fine." I mumble as I fiddle with the bottom buttons of my shirt, desperately trying to close it.

"You don't look fine, and where's the bear I bought you? You should always have it behind you when you're feeding him." He says as he looks around my room.

Does he not remember what he did to me?

"I... it's in the closet." I say as I look down at my shirt, feeling embarrassed of myself for some reason.

"In the closet?" He says as he goes to it and opens it. "I thought... I thought you liked it, why is it in the closet?" He asks, sounding hurt.

I don't answer. I don't know how to answer actually. What does he want me to say? I can't tell him it's because it makes me feel sick because it reminds me of what he did. I don't want to bring it up, I truly don't.

"Luhan, what's going on? Have you been eating right, and sleeping enough? You mom told me you haven't been sleeping well." He says as I bush my eyebrows together.

"Do you really not remember what you did to me?" I ask softly while looking at my hands which are still trying to button my shirt, feeling too embarrassed to look at him.

"Lu, look, I'm sorry for not texting you this past week. I've been so busy with school and working that I just didn't want to have short little conversations and lag on you or something." He explains as he hurries over to sit by me but it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.

I can't do anything but shake my head, knowing that's not what I'm talking about and wonder if he's trying to pretend he didn't hurt me.

"That's not it?" He asks as his hand engulfs my kneecap while a tear trickles down my cheek. The feeling of his warm hand makes my heart race in a way it never has and makes it ache for him to remove it. "Lu, what did I do? Seriously, please tell me." He says as my emotions once again get the best of me.

"Baby." He mumbles as I cover my face and lower my head, tears down streaming down faces and onto my chest as his hand moves up my leg.

"D-don't." I warn as I push his hand off.

"Luhan, please, I'm sorry for whatever I did. I-I don't know what I did-"

"D-do you ser-riously not know." I hiccup as my chest burns.

"If I knew I wouldn't be asking." He says as I lean back against my bedframe.

"S-Sehun." I hiccup, wishing he wouldn't make me say it.

"Please tell me." He begs.

How do I tell him? How can I be sure if it truly happened? What if he doesn't believe me? What if he thinks I'm making it up for attention or something? What if he tells my parents? Why would he tell my parents? Maybe I should tell my parents? I thought he loved me. Would he still love me after this? Is he trying to hide it? Would he get mad and tell me he never wanted to see me again?

"Y-you hurt me." I stutter as I pull my legs in towards my chest

"What? Baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I didn't call you or text you but I just didn't want you to think I was-"

"Sehun, I don't care that you d-didn't ca-call me." I stutter as I wipe my eyes.

"Why are you mad at me." He asks as I lose it.

I want him to remember what he did. I want him to apologize and just stop this act because it's making me hurt so much more. It makes me feel so useless, and so unimportant that he didn't bother to remember what I can't get out of my head.

"J-just get out of here." I beg, seeing I don't want to be around him, I don't want him anywhere near me.

"Luhan! Don't shut me out-"

"Y-you hurt me. You came here, and you hurt me, and you didn't even care to remember it." I say softly, hoping my mom or dad won't hear.

"What? Luhan, tell me what I did, I haven't been here in like a week-"

"Last Tuesday, you came here. I don't know what was wrong with you, but.. you were at my window." I say as visions from that night flash through my mind and makes my heart beat faster than I've ever felt it. "Y-you came in and I-I had just gotten Jungkook to sleep, and I was tired." I try to explain but my voice is shaky and feels so painful to use.

"I told you no.. and-" I begin but I don't know how to word it because I don't want to say it. "Y-you were so mean t-to me. You made me f-feel so fucking worthless, and w-when you were do-done with me you left."

 "Luhan, I don't... I don't remember it. I.. I was having a really bad week, so I did some stuff with some of the other employees, I'm sorry. I don't remember coming here, I don't... I don't know why I would ever do that to you! Baby, I'm so sorry, please believe me. You know I love you so much, I can't believe I would-"

"St-stop saying that! Please, you did." I sob as all my emotions jumble up and turn me into a mess.

"Luhan." He says like he's unsure what to do.

"I don't know, Sehun, I don't know what to do, and it hurts s-so badly." I hiccup as my chest clinches so tightly that I feel like I can't breathe.

"What.. what hurts?" He says with slight panic in his voice.

"Everything. My chest, m-my arms, my legs, it just hurts." I say as he moves to sit next to me and pulls me gently to his chest.

He gently rubs my back and tries to calm me down as I curl up next to him and hold onto him tightly. As badly as he hurt me, he makes me feel so much better. He makes it stop hurting with a simple touch, and makes a different feeling fill my heart which I much more overwhelming. This feeling keeps me out of breath and sobbing as I clutch onto his shirt, hoping he'll keep me from drowning. The feeling of his chest moving up and down with his breath makes me feel tired, and the sound of his heart beat slows mine to match his pace. It took a while to calm me down, but having him next to me made me feel full, and made me feel calm.

AN// Hello everyone! Sorry for not posting in forever but school has started back up with has been making it difficult for me to be able to write!

Also! @Denraex has been translating my story "It Will Never Be the Same" to Turkish for me so if anyone is interested in reading it I added it to my reading list so go check it out and give her some love for me for translating it for me!(: Thanks everyone!