ALPHA: Heir Of The Four

Chapter Twenty-Three

"You have no right to be mad at me! And I didn't come here to be yelled at, but if that's all you're capable of doing right now, then I'm going to turn around and leave."

"Well, you're already leaving, so. . ."

Again, I shook my head. As frustrating as he was being, as difficult as he was making this, there was no possible way that he wanted us to part ways in anger.

I walked over to him and tried not to let it effect me too much when he turned his head to avoid looking at me when I stood in front of him. "Don't do this, Caleb. Please, don't do this."

He still refused to look at me. With no other choice, I crossed the proverbial line between us, reached up and took his face in my hands. It seemed that all Caleb needed was my touch for him to let go of his anger and give into the rest of emotions. In an instant, the blue filled me just as intensely as they filled him, the weight of all of his emotions bearing down on me at once was nearly suffocating but made bearable as we both fought to control them together.

"You shouldn't. . ." He protested as he placed his hands on top of mine, but made no attempt to remove them.

"You don't want me to touch you?"

"I only ever want you to touch me. But you shouldn't." Caleb's hands slid off of mine, and to spare myself the awkwardness I pulled my own away from his face.

My attempt at masking my sadness resulted in a breathy, "okay." I cleared my throat and prayed to God that, from that point onward, my voice wouldn't crack. "Can we try this again without yelling at each other?"

He nodded.

"First," I turned my back on him and put some space between us, "I just want you to know that I'm not choosing the Hellands over you. They have always been and will always remain a part of my life. And whether you like it or not," I turned around to face him once more, "whether you accept it or not, that won't ever change. And I can't think about what effect that might have have on Kane because he's not the one that I'm choosing. I'm choosing myself, Caleb, and severing a connection with the Hellands isn't what's best for me.

"When you chose your pack over me, I was devastated. To me, the worst thing that you could have ever done, you did. And for days I was so angry with you because I truly believed that when you told me you loved me, you meant it. That loving me meant that I was important because the only people you loved were your parents and your pack. So I didn't understand how you could love me and, yet, so easily leave me behind.

"I tried to convince myself that what you said before you left wasn't true—that you were choosing your pack over me—but it was. And I came to realize that it didn't mean that you loved them more or loved me less, it just meant that you loved us separately. It means that you don't yet see me as a part of your pack."

The wheels in his head were obviously turning, but a response did not come. Caleb continued to hold my gaze, continued to stare so intensely into my eyes as if he wished there was a way to transfer his thoughts into my head, but after a very long silence, he nodded before hanging his head low. "If that's how you feel, then I'm not going to try and change your mind, Ava-Rain. It's obviously already made up and I doubt that I can change it, can I?"

Instead of confirming what we both already knew, I treated the question like it had been rhetorical.

"I hope you know why I did what I did," he added.

"I do. And because I do, I hope that, in return, you understand that I'm not doing this to hurt you. It's not what I want to do, but what I need to do. For me."