ALPHA: Heir Of The Four

Chapter Twenty-Three

"I don't know what Caleb has told you about me, but I didn't grow up with what you all have. I never really had a family of my own, and the little I did have made me believe that love was conditional. I had to prove that I deserved it, and when I couldn't it meant that I wasn't somebody worthy of it. I don't know how to love you all because I don't know how to love myself. I don't know how to belong to this pack because I don't know how to belong period. You've accepted me without condition, but I'm wired to believe that I have to prove myself first.

"I'm not an alpha female," my eyes drifted over each and every member, "and I'm not choosing the Hellands over you, I'm choosing myself with the hope that one day I might become somebody that deserves your love. Somebody with something to bring to your table."

*   *   *

When Kane told me that Caleb was out back, I thought he meant that I would find him within viewing distance of the house, not deep in the woods he once warned me to never enter unchaperoned. It had not taken very long to wander upon his location; our connection as mates would always help me find my way to him. And if he chose to berate me, I would let it be known that my disobedience was his own fault because he had to have known that his absence would only force me to seek him out.

His back was already turned to me when I found him, but his head turned slightly to the side as my footsteps drew closer. The smell of red oak was stronger that deep in the woods, but, even with all of that nature permeating the air, I could still make out Caleb's very distinct scent.

"Hi," was all I could say when seconds ticked by and he still made no move to turn around to face me.

"Hi." His tone was harsh. Cold. He had to have known why I was here. What I was about to do.

Once the icebreaker was out of the way, I took a few more steps in his direction but stopped when his body stiffened, a very clear warning that he did not want me any closer.

Oddly enough, this was exactly how things had gone down when Caleb left me at the cottage, only this time our roles were reversed. This time I was the one trying to gather up the courage to say goodbye, and he was the one making it harder to do so. And I couldn't even be mad at him for that because I knew that the last thing you wanted to do when someone was about to tell you goodbye was look at them and watch as they said it.

"Did you get my text?"

"I did," was his sharp reply.

A coolness grazed over my body, a shiver that had nothing to do with the wind but everything to do with Caleb's cold shoulder. "We haven't been back for very long. Kasey brought me here. I tried to talk her out of it because of the whole hunter thing, but she. . .well, she's Kasey and she insisted and—"

"It's fine."

"It's just. . .her and the whole Kane thing, I didn't want you to think that I was trying to force anything—"

"I promise you, Ava-Rain," finally, finally, he turned around, "that those two are the last thing on my mind right now."

"You know why I'm here, don't you?"

"I think it's pretty obvious, is it not?"

"Well—"

"I left you, so now you're leaving me."

I shook my head. "Caleb, that's not—"

"Not, what? Not true? Not the reason? Because from where I'm standing," he crossed his arms, "it sure as hell looks like that's exactly why you're leaving! And you really think that, with everything that's going on right now, you leaving is what's best?"