Twitter ∞ Dan Howell

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'I know what that feels like.' He nudged my thigh with his knee. 'Okay. But just let me know if it's too much and we can go home.'

I rolled my head over so I could look at him. 'I'll be fine. Really. Let's just not be out getting pissed until, like, 2am, okay?'

Dan gave me a sneaky look and then a shaka, trying to look cool. 'What, don't you want to be getting turnt with me tonight?'

'Oh for fuck's sake,' I groaned, rubbing my eyes with my hands. 'If you say that again-'

'Don't want to get lit with D-hizzle?'

'I swear to God Dan-'

'Don't want to be on fleek with the squad fam getting turnt AF-'

My hand flew over his mouth, and I gave him the possibly dirtiest look I could muster. He grinned beneath my hand, and then he licked it. He licked it.

I recoiled, squirming, and Dan gave a fake evil-laugh and picked me up bridal-style, godzilla-walking to our room. I was surprised he could even lift me considering the sheer quantity of Doritos I had consumed this assessment bloc.

'You will never escape the lit fam!' He cried, and despite the stupidity of it all, I couldn't help but laugh.

Dan and I had just recently gone public with our relationship, so when we turned up at the party, everyone started coming up to congratulate us. It confused me a little. We were dating, not having a child. I'm not totally sure why this called for celebration, but everyone was very lovely about it.

It had gotten a lot better than it had been at first. A lot of people were pretty negative about the whole thing online, seeing as a significant portion of the Phandom shipped Dan and Phil together. It had eased up a bit from the first tidal wave of hate, but I still avoided anywhere on the internet touched by Dan and Phil (which was a surprisingly large number of places). But it was okay now. I'd gotten through the worst of it. I had to remind myself that despite it all, I had Dan, and that was the most important thing.

I'd been putting off doing a video together since I was worried that would bring on even more hate, and Dan respected that, but I could tell he really wanted me to do a video with him. I think his audience wanted to know more about me and who I was, which I wanted to tell them would be a total let-down seeing as I am possibly the most boring human being in existence. And I think he just wanted to show me off. Like, look at this cool human I managed to keep all to myself. At least, that's what he told me. The memory makes me smile.

I shifted the dress against my hips as we walked away from a group of five or so we'd been talking to for the past few minutes. The thing with these parties was that it was a lot of greeting people for relatively superficial purposes - you couldn't not say hi to absolutely everyone, because that was always taken as some kind of snub. It felt like something out of Downtown Abbey, but I didn't complain.

Eventually it was just Phil and us. We were a good three. We tried not to make it awkward for him, which I didn't think we did. I think he was used to it by now. The three of us sat out on the roof terrace with glasses of white wine and watched the city lights blink out below us. Cars trundled past like lines of ants in the distance, taillights glowing red in the heavy autumn night. The cold bit at my cheeks and my fingers, so I put my wine glass down, tucking them beneath my thighs.

'So, I've met a girl,' Phil said, absolutely out of nowhere. Dan and I looked at each other, and then at him. He was avoiding our eyes. His fingers fiddled with the stem of the wine glass.

'Holy crap, that's so exciting,' I gushed, knocking my knee with his. 'What's her name?'

'Alice.'

Dan bent over me, our thighs pressed together. His leg was warm through his jeans. 'Where'd you meet her?'

'The tube.'

Dan let out a short, sharp laugh. 'Wow. Romantic.'

I hit him in the side. 'We met on Twitter, asshole. Not exactly an improvement.'

Dan grinned. 'I'm only kidding. I'm happy for you, mate,' he said, reaching behind me and giving Phil a big pat on the shoulder. Phil was beaming, face lit up from the lanterns burning beside us. 'Do we get to meet her?'

Phil cleared his throat, putting down his wine. 'Yeah. Yeah, that's why I was asking. I was thinking of making her dinner tomorrow, but like with you guys too. Like a double date.'

'Oh my god that's so adorable,' I said, holding my hand to my chest, and Phil blushed. 'Of course. That sounds great. Very civilised.'

'I hope she likes cereal, because that's literally all you can make,' Dan said, and Phil poked his tongue out at Dan.

'I've actually looked up a recipe online and everything, Daniel,' he said, and Dan pretended to look impressed.

'He looked up a recipe and everything,' he said to me. 'Can you believe that? What a legend. Such a gentleman.'

Phil and I rolled our eyes and said stop at the exact same time. 'Ignore him,' I said to Phil. 'He's just jealous that you never cooked for him.'

'That is a good point,' Dan said. 'You never looked up recipes for me.'

'I wasn't dating you, Dan.'

'The internet seemed to think otherwise.'

'We'd love to come along,' I interrupted. 'Even if it is in our own apartment. And if you guys need us to, you know, head out for a bit...'

'Oh fuck, Meg,' Dan complained. 'That is definitely not something I want to think about. Phil having sex. Phil having sex. I think I'm going to go gouge out all of my sensory organs now.'

Phil's face was a deep shade of pink, eyes slightly wide. I loved that he was older than all of us, but by far the most innocent. 'Um, thanks, Meg. I'll let you know.'

I gave him a wink, which I don't normally do, so it probably turned out like some kind of involuntary, one-eyed blink. I glanced back at Dan, who was still looking slightly grossed-out by the idea of his best friend copulating.

'Can we go? I'm tired.'

His expression relaxed, a cheeky grin spreading over his face. 'What, bae? Party too lit for you? Fam got too turnt? Lads too on fleek-'

'I swear to God, I will rip your testicles off if you use one more shitty pre-teen internet word,' I said, and he laughed as we stood, his arm around my shoulders.

'I think you love it.'

'I don't love it. Unfortunately, I love you, so I have to put up with it.'

He kissed the top of my head. 'I love you too.'

a/n

Oh my god I am SO SORRY FOR HOW LATE THIS IS

I am a terrible author

Excues coming: life has been v busy, lots of assesssment, no time for writing etc. etc. you know the drill

I promise not to be so shittily late with the next chapter

Next is the last so WOOT LOOK OUT

xx