POISE//AMBW

14.

My eyes gaze over everything ever so lightly, my mind sweeping over my past actions and moods. A blank canvas and an empty heart, yet it all resembled this horror called reality. My index finger plays with the sheets, the demons in my mind playing Tug of War with my soul that seems to be drowning in acid, burning from the pain. Sweat trickles down my temples. I try to raise my heavy body, but I could not muster enough strength to do so---chained down to Earth and all of its sin it's inhabitants cannot escape. My eyes then trickle to the small crack in the corner of the wall---an escape.

Oh, how I longed to be without this feeling, to be rid of this helplessness! A shaky and short sigh left my lips. My eyes trailed back up to the ceiling once more and there it stayed.

My ears perked up to a creaking sound created by the door. Amara slipped through the door silently and closed it back up. A blurred image of her formulated in my mind, drifting away as her soft pattering eased. The bed sunk in.

Our breaths were quiet in the sunlit room. I haven't seen her for a few days and I feared that she wouldn't come back for my actions. My wrongdoings.

"Where's my child?" Amara broke the silence in an authoritative whisper. The bed moved around as she did, but my eyes remained where they were. Minutes passed by without an answer from me. I wanted to answer, but my lips were kept shut tight.

"Hello! Are you going to answer me?" She raised her voice, pushing me aggressively on my shoulder. I slowly turned my head to look at her, mind entirely blank.

"Daycare." Back to the ceiling.

"Daycare...daycare, hmm..." She thought for a second.

"I don't want him going to that daycare any more. It's corrupt." She bluntly stated.

"Corrupt...? Corrupt? Really, Amara? I think the only thing that's corrupt is this household! The bills haven't been paid, Amara. There's no lights, we have no water, and now we're almost being cut from our heat." I defended the small organization in slight irritation but calm. Fingers were always being pointed nowadays, but she never wanted to take initiative for her actions.

"And who the fuck do you think you're talking to, Namjoon? Look, I think you've got things a little distorted in that little pea brain of yours: I don't need to do anything in this household, if I don't feel it necessary. Women don't always have to do everything, you know? Men should do their jobs and pay the bills. Women should do whatever they please." She scoffed.

"It's very simple." She then added.

"Simple..." I repeated after her in astonishment. Simple. How simple is it to see the one you love burn down in flames right before your eyes? How simple is it to watch them writhe in agony, your hand wide open for them to grab to get them out of it, but have them reject such kind action?

One must realize that the most simplistic actions in one's life, can be the most complicated thing to another. What is marked as easy to one, isn't necessarily marked the same for another. It is never simple.

I could feel the bed lighten up.

"The thing is, Namjoon, us, women, shouldn't have to bust our big asses for sorry men like you. We grow up hearing the same shit: 'Close your legs', 'Don't have kids', 'Don't have sex', 'Don't wear slutty clothes'. And all y'all wanna do is hunt out girls to take their virginities...and you know what happens? You get away free, and we get marked down as a whore. How nice!"

"You're talking nonsense, Amara." I sat up on the bed and watched her body pace around like an anxious dog.

"And you know what I can't seem to grasp? Why gender roles has to make up most of our society! Girls need to do this and that and fuck their man so that they can have a family. Girls need to raise the kids and have sex with their man even when they want to. Girls need to give birth to kids they don't even want!" She hollered at me, some of her saliva exiting her mouth.

"You've been drinking." I announced. I could tell from the tone of her voice and by the putrid smell of alcohol. Nala would have never said that. She was a hard worker and never asked for anything. I wonder how long she'll be gone. When will she be back?

"I never even wanted to have Hanuel! I did it for you, Namjoon! You're such a greedy person! How could you do this to me?" She continued to shout. Amara stomped her foot and balled up her fists ready for battle. My heart quickened, eyes bolting to the door. The door...that was...behind her.

I gulped in fear.

"You're being irrational, Amara. Please, calm down. Honey, relax." I cooed her, but the monster I sadly knew all too well came back with my final words.

She hurled towards me unexpectedly and got on top of me, hands thrashing and flying around my body like she was getting swarmed by bees. I covered my face and pushed her off of me until I was on top of her and pinned her hands down. I did not care to bruise her wrists as my grip tightened up.

She shouted for me to stop, continuously calling me words not to be repeated. But as my eyes roamed this Demon's face, a mark on her neck aroused my curiosity. A dark and discolored mark on her dark brown neck. I leaned closer until I was in the crook of Amara's neck to observe her.

My mind went elsewhere and took me back to all of those sensual moments that I had with Nala, with this body. My nose gently and ever so lightly went up the crook of her neck until I got to her ear.

Somebody was touching her.

And it was not me.

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I would like to apologize for my slight disappearance. To those that have been waiting from the beginning, thank you! You will not be disappointed! ♡♡

Nyaih