Raindrops Are Tears

Tears come from the heart, not the brain. - Leonardo Da Vinci

Five days later, I wake up on Aaron's side of the bed, again. Somehow when I go to sleep on my side of the bed, I always end up on his side of the bed. I miss him so much. I haven't left the house after his funeral. I really can't cope with this. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function properly. There is really no reason for me to live anymore. I don't feel like living anymore. I just want to die, I don't want to live without Aaron anymore. That's it I'm going to be Aaron. If I can't live with him in this life them I'll live with him somewhere else.

I go to my cupboard to get a pen and paper so I can write a letter to my family. I reach in the drawer to find the pen and paper but I see a red box in the left hand corner. That's weird, I've never seen that box before. I remove it from the cupboard and I see my name on the lid. I go and sit outside on the swing. I place the box on my lap and open it. Inside is an envelope addressed to "my love", and a painting of a teardrop. I open the envelope and start to read it.

It reads:

Dear my beautiful wife Dylan,

I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for abandoning you. I'm sorry for not telling you. I'm sorry for not thinking about us. I'm sorry for not thinking about you. But I couldn't see you like that. The sadness in your eyes, I couldn't bear it. I had to end your sadness not knowing that it will probably lead to more sadness.

But you can live without me, not Kat. You've known her your whole life and me for only several. You've loved her your whole life and me for only several. I'd prefer you have her alive than me. She's a child and I'm an adult. She has her whole life ahead of her. I know it's not going to be easy for you but there is more to life than me. You know that. You just have to keep pushing.

I am with you the whole time. I always have been. Just remember, I love you very much. It took me a while to take the decision but I did it for you. You would have died without her, and I would have died without you. You know I would have loved to have a family with you but I had to do this before we did. I didn't want to leave you with extra weight to carry around.

I remember everything we did together. The first time we met, the romantic dates we went on, our wedding and our first night together. I will miss you. I want you to remember something......

As I read the last sentence, a cold emptiness flushes over my body. I place the letter back in the box and slowly swing back and forth on the swing. I suddenly feel something wet and cold drip on my face. I look up and see that it has started drizzling. I feel a raindrop splash on my cheek, slowly dripping down my cheek. I feel a tear roll down the other side of my cheek as I remember the last sentence of the letter.

Every time it rains, I want you to know that these raindrops are my tears. I love you.