Toxic Chaos

Heartbreak

When someone hurts you so much to an extent where trust doesn't exist in their world, that's where and when you know that that person should no longer exist in your life. That's when you know that you should let that person go, even if you love them and you think they're to die for, and you'd do anything to keep that little spark you think is there. In a relationship, if there's no trust and no respect, then there should be no relationship at all, from the start. Don't try covering all their lies and bullshit to keep it going, because being afraid of losing someone and following up with their lies will only damage you and what you have even more. If you don't trust someone and you're disgusted by him or her, there's no way you're still able to love him/her. In any case, if you think you still do, you need to convince yourself that you don't, because letting things like that slide will make it hard for you to distinguish between real love and bullshit. It's okay to feel annoyed because you loved and trusted someone in more than one form, and after all that, he/she ended up being someone you never expected he/she'd turn out to be.
Recently, I had been heartbroken. He so far, hurt me the most by showing me his real colors. I'm not able to express my feelings to my friends, on paper, on this blog, or even by crying. That's how painful this kind of damage is. I'm not going to call myself heartless, but I may end up being ruthless. Ruthless doesn't always have to be heartless, it can be hard-hearted, cold-hearted, harsh. Just not heartless. I have a heart; it beats and pumps blood. If I were heartless, I wouldn't be here anyway. So for that, I am thankful that it's still able to beat. It's swollen, yes, but still beating.
I won't even blame him, instead, I'll thank him. Why? Because by being the way I am now, I might meet the right guy by taking my time, not getting too attached to anyone, by not rushing my way through things just to have them done rather than have them lost, and most importantly to take my time loving and trusting someone. Things like that don't have to be easy, they can be challenging.
Here's to black hearts.