Supernovas & Escapism

Chapter Thirty-Five

     As I bring my head up, I just stare forward. It wasn't something I'd thought about in a while, but mostly because I didn't need to think about it. If there was a god, he was practically dead to me. If there wasn't a god, then life was just a tragic series of events that happened randomly. These 'if' scenarios only worked on a wavelength of 'what do I think of the idea of the existence of a god.'

     I decided that the best response was no response. With a light shrug, I turned to face him. "Can't say that I've thought about it much," I reply.

     A soft but broken smile came to his face before he turned back skyward. "I was raised catholic," he started. With the shortest of breaks, he let loose a sigh, making him appear much smaller than he actually was. "I guess deep down I still am, despite my... preferences."

     There was no ill-will in his tone. The way he spoke seemed off the fly, but the way he looked right through the clouds and into space, it seemed like this was something he thought about a lot.

     "Don't talk about it a lot," he continued. "Though really most people don't seem to care about me enough to even know."

     This hit me especially hard.

     It felt like because I didn't know this one detail that he had never discussed, that it meant I didn't care. Obviously, that wasn't the point he was trying to make right now. But it still didn't take the sting out from the blow coming from nowhere.

     I cared. I cared a lot. Maybe I even cared too much.

     "Heaven is supposed to be this utopian paradise. A place where there is no need for judgement, or anything for that matter."

     All at once, I don't like where this is going.

     Garth turns to face me again. "Why am I still here when I could be there instead?" The way he asked just seemed so somber and melancholy.

     Pulling my arms back into the sleeves of my jacket, I pushed us again, spinning slower this time. It was more than an excuse to keep his mind of the subject. It was also giving me time to come up with an appropriate response.

     "I thought it was a sin to like... you know," I informed him, trying to mince my words the best I could.

     He chuckled softly. "There are a ton of things that are sins that most people do on the daily," he rebutted, "besides, hell doesn't sound like it'd be all that bad either."

     "Oh yeah, fiery pits, endless suffering, an eternity of nothing." I stomped my foot into the earth, jerking us to a slow stop. The frown on my face could not have been wider. "That sounds like a real blast. I honestly mean that Garth."

     "Will you shut the fuck up and let me make my point?" he said half-annoyed, half-jokingly. There was a small flick of his eyes as they rolled back.