Saved By A Bad Boy

[3]. Left Behind...

At least, that's what I thought at the time.

"I won't lose you too." I was startled to hear him whisper those words, and even though I desired to be trapped in his arms forever, I pulled back just enough to look at the deep, ocean blue eyes that were swirling with pain.

"You won't lose me. I'm okay, Jax. I'm safe," I assured him, resting my head on his shoulder again. I knew where this was stemming from. He lost his dad. He would soon lose his mom. He feared loss at a whole new level. He was terrified. 

"You have to promise me you'll stay safe, okay, Lis? You have to promise me you won't do anything that could ever put you in harm's way," he said desperately, his voice strained and earnest. I couldn't exactly make that promise and mean it. I still couldn't. For the most part, I was safe. But there was still a secret lying inside me, a secret that would reveal the many dangers lurking in my past.

Of course, I didn't reveal that secret to Jax. I couldn't, especially when he was already panicking. If I had told him, he'd only do something rash.

So I promised.

"Okay, I won't," I had said. "But I know you'll protect me. You always have." Jax just shook his head.

"You don't want me protecting you," he told me, his embrace suddenly loosening. 

"Hey, don't say that," I told him, lifting his chin. "None of this is your fault, so don't you dare blame yourself. You're a strong guy, Jax. You're tough." But my words only caused him to shake his head again.

"You don't get it," he said. "You're stronger than me. When my mom...when she told us about the cancer...I almost broke down right there, but you stayed strong. I might be able to throw a good punch and beat some guys up, but Lissy, you're resilient. You don't let anything hurt you." My stomach churned when he spoke those words. To a degree, he was right. I had learned to maintain emotional control over the years, with my father dying when I was five years old and...well...other things.

But the only reason I was able to compose myself when Jax's mother told us about the cancer was because I already knew. Guilt clawed its way up my throat as I remembered the day I overheard her in the library. I had been carrying that secret for almost a month, and it was killing me slowly. 

It hurt me to see him think that I was stronger than him, when - in reality - I just managed to break down in private.

"Jax...I'm not that tough," I told him hesitantly, looking up again and searching his eyes. 

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"How can you even say that? Lissy, you're the toughest person I know," Jax insisted. This time, I was the one to shake my head.

"I already knew," I managed to bite out quickly, forcing myself to say the dreaded words. Jax's eyebrows furrowed together as confusion captured his features.

"What do you mean?" He asked. I sucked in a deep, tremulous breath, closing my eyes.

"I already knew about the...the cancer," I finally rasped. "I heard your mom when I was in the library...on your birthday. She told me not to tell you because she wanted you to be able to enjoy the time you had left-"

"What?" Jax interrupted through gritted teeth, his tone laced with a fury I had never heard him direct at me. I cracked my eyes open and was terrified to see his eyes blazing with heated anger. My heart plummeted.