Falling Too (Tyler Joseph)

Chapter 26

All I could do was stare at him, feeling the heat that was still in my chest from the venue, despite the cold we now stood in. The snowfall had let up at last and now it came down gently. I would have considered all of this to be beautiful, if I had just looked around at the blankets of white on the road and everything else, but I could only watch this strange mix of hurt and rage on Tyler's face.

"Why did you leave like that?" He asked seeming to struggle to keep his voice steady.

I shook my head and spoke in a small voice, "It was just too much for me to deal with."

"I'm not talking about just now, I'm talking about back when we were in the hospital."

I sighed heavily, watching the cloud of air escape my lungs as I clenched my hands into fists. "Because it's better this way."

His eyebrows shot up in disbelief, "And what makes you think that?"

I didn't want to do this right now, not when I'm feeling this emotional. I can't risk hurting him even more. I glance back at him again and gather that he wasn't in the least bit of a good mood, which was obviously all my fault. I guess that means me just getting it out now is probably for the best.

"Because all I seem to do is mess up your life and you don't deserve it. I have no right to be around someone like you."

"Someone like me? What are you talking about?"

"Tyler, do you know what kind of gift you have? The music you make is going to help people and you deserve to be heard by everyone possible. You're not afraid to admit that you're human, but I'm afraid of getting in the way of all that. I don't want to find another way to mess things up for you."

Astonishment took over his features as he spoke, "Ashley, you're not seeing this right. You've done nothing but help me. In no way have you messed anything up. You've only made it better. The only thing I need you to do is to stop pushing me away."

I shook my head no, trying to keep on a straight face murmuring, "I can't."

"But why? This doesn't make any sense, why are you doing this?"

"Because I know you'll be better off without me."

"Are you insane? You just don't get it, do you? Without you, none of this would have happened for me! If you weren't the one to push me to pursue this, I would still be playing basketball and hating my life. I would have never let anyone even hear my music! I would never have met Josh without you." At this point, he seemed to be on the verge of tears and I felt sick to my stomach at the sight.

"I understand that, but you have all those things now. Why should me not being around make any difference to that?"

His tone was rough, "You're going to leave for good, aren't you?"

"Tyler, you won't have time to even worry about me. You'll be so busy with your new life, that I won't even cross your mind." I say, attempting to reassure him.

"You think I'd just forget you?"

"It shouldn't be hard; a lot of people have."

"Ashley, you don't even know what you mean to me, do you?"

I shrugged trying to fight off crying myself, "I'm just a setback."

He stepped closer to me saying, "Not to me."

I felt a tear slip down my cheek and I wanted to scream. I didn't need to let him see this. "Does it matter? It's true either way, everyone we know thinks I'm just hurting you in one way or another and right now I can see that I am."

"Because you're telling me that I won't ever see you again!" He shouted.

I decided then just to come right out and say it, "It's because I'm scared, okay? I'm scared of what your mom could do to you and what she thinks of me. I'm scared that one day this might not work and all of this will have been for nothing. Everyone will blame me and they'll hate me again. They'll make up their minds that I was using you, after all, to step out of the shadow of my father's sins and I just can't deal with it. I don't want to hurt you anymore Tyler, and I think that ending this here and now would be for the best."

"No, it wouldn't be, I don't care what anyone else thinks of you and me! I need you more than they would ever care to know. The only people that should matter in this is us. All I know is that when I'm with you I feel more alive than I ever have, and I don't want that to go away. I need you to stay, not just tonight, but for good." He confesses and cast his eyes down murmuring, "I don't even think I would be here right now if you weren't."

Another teardrop fell on my cheek as I said, "There's no way I could be that important to you."

He just shook his head before stepping over to me, quickly placing a hand at the back of my head and melded his lips to my own. I couldn't believe it; Tyler was kissing me. Despite the insanity of this moment, I returned the favor. I pressed my lips against his slightly chilled ones, and as I placed a hand on his shoulder I felt his free arm wrap around the small of my back. His movements were steady and paced, like he already had this thought out. Like he had wanted this to happen.

I felt warmth radiate from him as he pressed his body against mine, nearly every nerve ending in mine was buzzing from the contact. I moved my free hand up to cup his jaw as we moved our mouths together. I didn't know how this moment even became possible, but I knew that I wasn't going to waste it. He tasted like mint gum and something else that I can't even begin to describe and right then I knew I was addicted. So, this is what it feels like to kiss someone you're in love with.

There's so much excited energy inside you, waiting to make your chest combust from all of the happy emotions that get built up. I wanted to blame my slight shakiness on the cold, but I know it is really because of how nervous I am. I am so afraid of messing this up somehow, but Tyler just smiled softly against my lips, slowing things down for me. Somehow that just made the whole experience that much headier. My hand tightens into the fabric of his thin t-shirt and the other moved into the back of his feather-soft hair. I listened to him suck in a sharp breath of air at that before gently tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth, making me gasp as well.

When we finally let go, Tyler's eyes were darker than I had ever seen them and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I have to admit that it was the best kiss I had ever had, but something told me that this wasn't the last of it. I made up my mind in that space of a second, the whole world could hate me and I wouldn't care as long as I had him.

"Please don't leave me alone." He whispered as he pressed his forehead to mine with his eyes shut like if he opened them I would disappear.

My response was to capture his lips with mine once more, finding him happy to comply.

A shout behind us broke me out of my momentary bliss, "Tyler Robert Joseph!"