Falling Too (Tyler Joseph)

Chapter 18

As I stared at the photo of me and Tyler on my bed, I noticed something about him that I hadn't before. It's funny how sometimes we see something about a person so often that it doesn't really register in our minds. Then one day it hits you again, that there's something that they constantly say, do, or wear. That there is a part of them that has been there the whole time, hidden in plain sight. I had finally taken note of the fact that he has very faint scarring on his upper arms, mostly near his wrists. I didn't want to jump to conclusions on what they could be from, but that didn't stop the sickening feeling I got in my stomach.

I slid my phone in my pocket and headed downstairs to my car. Worry flooded my every thought, was Tyler not as okay as he'd like everyone else to believe? He did have some odd behavioral patterns that he would disregard if anyone mentioned them. On my drive to church, I thought about the time I found him in the woods in his backyard or the way he twitched sometimes when he played music. Were those things that I should look more into or were they just little quirks that made Tyler who he is?

Once I was in the Sunday school room I saw that Marceline had just finished writing a bible verse on the whiteboard. She smiled brightly when she saw me and rushed over to her desk to pick up some papers.

She placed them in my hands informing me, "Your transfer paperwork finally decided to show up. Are you sure that you still want to leave?"

I had actually managed to forget that I had asked for them a while back, my life had taken a bit of a turn since I put in that request. I had finally gotten enough experience as a teacher at this church to be allowed to look elsewhere for work. Here I worked as Marceline's apprentice basically and as much as I had been enjoying it I had wanted to branch out on my own. In my mind, it had been another foot out the door of this place. Another way I could leave my hometown in the dark of my memories.

Now things felt quite different, now I had a reason to stay. Right as I went put them down and tell her that I wasn't going through with it, after all, someone else cleared their throat as they peered in the room.

Marceline and I both turned to see Tyler standing there and I swiftly noticed a strange far off look in his eyes when they met mine. His voice sounded odd too. "Um, sorry to interrupt, but Ash could you meet me at my house after church?"

I nodded, "Yeah, okay."

"See you then." He says softly and just like that he disappeared again.

"Is he alright?" Marceline whispered as she gave me a curious look.

I decided it was better not to draw attention to my fretting and said, "Yeah, I think so."

"So, are you staying here or are you really leaving?" She asked again since I hadn't had a chance to answer her yet.

"I've decided to stay."

An amused smile sprung up on her face, "Really? That's wonderful! But what made you change your mind?"

I shrugged as the kids finally began filling the room, hoping that the topic would be dropped since the class was getting ready to start.

"It's because of Tyler, isn't it?" She questioned with excitement in her eyes.

I decided then to give her what she wanted by mumbling, "Maybe."

"Aw, that's so sweet!" She cheered giving me a quick hug and then went right into teaching mode after that. I could only grin as I moved to tend to passing out the work supplies.

***

Once church was over I headed straight for Tyler's house. I pulled into the driveway, noticing that only Tyler's car occupied it. He opened the door with a small smile on his face.

I wasn't used to his house being this empty, so I asked about it, "Where is everybody else?"

He shrugged, "Out."

I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. "Is everything alright?"

I followed him to the kitchen and instead of answering my question he said, "You know when I talked to Jamie the other night she told me some things that I wanted to ask you about."

Dread tightly gripped me as I questioned, "What did she say?"

"I didn't believe a word she said to me at first, but now the more I think about it, the more it does make sense."

I rose an eyebrow, "What makes sense?"

"I guess I was just ignoring it at first because I really like you and I wanted to think that my worries were pointless, but I just don't know now." He continued, he seemed to not even be talking to me at this point. It was like he was thinking out loud.

"Tyler, what are you talking about?"

His breaths became raspy and swift as he gripped his hands onto the sink. As I slowly inched closer to him I saw that he had begun shaking and tears rimmed his eyes.

I gently placed my hand on his shoulder softly asking, "Tyler, please tell me what's wrong."

His hand shakily reached out to me and I took it, turning his palm up towards me. I caught sight of the scars faintly littering his tan skin and as soon as he realized what I was looking at he yanked his hand away.

In a tear-filled voice, he shouted, "Go away!"

I nearly tripped over my own feet at the volume of his voice. "Tyler, why...?"

"Leave me alone!" He cried as he curled in on himself, tears streaming freely down his face now. "Go away! Just leave me alone!"

But I couldn't, no matter how much he yelled at me and pushed me away I wasn't going to leave him like this. I waited for him to finally calm down, his panting died down and he looked so tired. I helped him to his feet and guided him up the stairs to his room. I helped him into his bed wordlessly, unable to meet his eyes.

I decided that it was time for me to leave so I murmured, "Goodbye Tyler."

I could've sworn as I made my way downstairs that he said, "Don't leave me alone."

But I knew that I had to, no matter how much it hurt.