Mess

Chapter Twelve

It is now that I fully comprehend why Scott is the way he is. Why he’s always so exasperated; groaning whenever discussing something he cares about, why he has trained himself to act with disregard, why only his friends make him smile, why hardly anyone knew he had a brother, it all equals. It’s because of this, all of it—he doesn’t want it to define him so he backs away and interacts with the aspects in his life that matter.

I’m glad that I am one of them, I feel so special to be loved by Scott Powers.

My hair hangs down over Scott’s head as I kiss him slowly and appreciatively on his childhood bed. I am in love with Scott, I know it now. I’m not ready to say it though, I’m going to save the words for when he really needs to hear it.

And it’s such a complete feeling, consummate and unconditional. I savour this moment as I know it won’t last forever, as I know that we still have many demons to conquer and boundaries to pass. I feel the turbatio unraveling.

My feelings overwhelm me and I approach complete breathlessness as I flimsily attempt to continue a consistent level of effort kissing him. Breaking my promise to myself, silent tears come out of my eyes and fall onto his cheeks. The grip of his arms around my waist loosens and his blue eyes are filled with earnestness.

“What’s wrong?” He asks and I sit up before wiping them away with my sleeves.

“N-nothing, I just,” I’m so in love with you, “Things are finally starting to feel right.” He sits up and looks down, I admire the way his long eyelashes flutter as he tries to think of what to say.

“I understand, do you want to go back to school?” I glance at the small shelf-clock across the room that says it’s ten forty-six and I shake my head.

“Can we stay here for a while? And then meet Evie and Wanda after school or something?” I suggest.

“Yeah,” he smiles before kissing my forehead and laying back on the bed.

*****

After an eventful day, meeting Scott’s mother, smoking a cigarette for the first time with Scott, finding out about Scott’s family, realising I am in love with Scott, I think it’s fair to say that I am fully invested in Scott. After having lunch, and after watching two episodes of True Blood on HBO with Scott and Angela, my boyfriend and I leave to pass by outside of school as it’s two thirty. I text Evie telling her and Wanda to wait for us and she doesn’t reply but dismissively, we wait anyway.

I can hear the last bell from inside the school, along with a following mass of boisterous roars originating from adolescents inside. They’re most likely beholden because their Monday is over, I would be, too. Scott and I stand adjacent to his large red jeep on the opposite side of the street, becoming a little restless in anticipation for our friend’s arrival as we watch the endless sea of students file out from the doors. After about seven minutes of waiting, I spot Evie’s car pull out from around the back slowly trying to pass the abundance of people crowding the sidewalk and I take this opportunity to run up to her car.

“Hey, Evie, wait up!” I shout as I approach her her rolled-down window but she seems to ignore me. “Eves?” I say a little louder, resting my hands on the bottom of the frame and popping my head through slightly before realising her eyes are swollen. Has she been crying? She continues to passively stare through her front window, purposely ignoring my presence before the path clears and she speeds away, tires screeching against the coarse tarmac. I sigh, what now?—With Evie, it’s persistently one problem eclipsing another and I’ve come to develop a strong dislike towards the concept. It sucks you dry. Mentally, emotionally and physically, it vacuums you up like purposeless dust. Scott looks as confused as I am as I walk back over towards him in my sudden depleted state.