{If You're Reading This} ON HOLD

Entry One {Dani}

2017, April 6th

I CAN'T BELIEVE MY STUPID LIFE!!!!!! Of course when I'm making out with an "alright" senior and I stumble into a stupid locker room, of course, the freaking LOVE OF MY LIFE is in said room. And of course my stupid out-of-breath self turns into an absolute jerk and says stupidly rude things to whoever the stupid grandma chick with her was. UGHHH I'M SO STUPID! Not only was I completely embarrassed, but when I told Christina who was of no help what so ever, she only mocked and made jokes of the situation. Great support, right?

Now, I'm just sitting at one of the free tables in the cafeteria.  It was probably set up for a no show career,  great marketing if you'd ask me. People passing by always wave at me or say hi. Not to brag but for being a sophomore I've become decently popular, one of the top people in the whole school, but me Danielle Nicole couldn't even be noticed by the only person that actually matter to me, Lauren Cimorelli.

Gosh, even writing her name makes me melt. Of course, I fall for an upper-class man, but not any upper-class man, the school joke. Christina always said that it's cute that I had a crush, but I hated the word. "Crush" ugh, it is such an infantile word, one that must have been put together by super old ancient people, ones with only an interest in belittling young love, and I just hated it. I didn't have a crush on Lauren, I loved her with a passion hotter than a thousand suns. She was the one for sure, no doubt about it. She was all that occupied my mind; she is my true north, my everything. One day we'd prove everyone wrong, run away together, start a family of our own. Tomorrow I'll find a way to talk to her, tell her how I really felt, then I could finally stop hiding my true emotions with my bad-ass persona. 

I don't think she knows about my insane love for her, but the fact I was swapping spit with a senior in front of her while she just watched, shocked, probably didn't help my case. Like I said before, tomorrow will change everything, she'll finally be mine.

I have the perfect plan. It'll all start at her locker right before homeroom, Locker 346B. I'll leave a post-it for her. It'll say something along the lines of "meet me during lunch in your usual location." Nah actually that sounds like a stalker (which I'm not btw). Maybe "Hey, there's going to be a surprise at lunch today". No! That's just straight up weird. Come on Danielle, you gotta win the girl of your dreams with this, your great looks can only do so much by themselves. How about just a simple heart, you know set the mood?  I don't know, what the heck am I supposed to do, this will be my make or break moment. The moment to determine the rest of my life. I need to be perfect...No, I must be perfect! Nothing can ruin this.

I would meet her where she normally went during social activities, the locker room, just as today. I would have it set up so nicely for her. I planned on coming to school early and even cutting a few not important classes, like math to be able to pull this off. In the locker room, I would throw my fake rebellious self away and show Lauren my natural being, the sweet caring and romantic me. She'll be overjoyed and jump right into my arms, and we would kiss. It would be a different kind of kiss, though, not the ones I'm used to. No, those were emotionless, no connection. This one would be passionate and filled with the sense of righteousness and belonging. Oh gosh, how perfect tomorrow will be, all I need to do is survive today and everything will be just fine.

Right now I should be in class, but me being me decided that checking in with my future wife was more important. I'm sure I'll hear it from either Christina or Mom later but that didn't matter, Science was an expendable subject if you asked me and I guarantee that Mrs.Partap does not miss me one bit. In fact, she's probably mentally celebrating my cut while teaching the rest of the losers in my class. The way I see it I did us both a favor.

Christina had texted me to let me know some of her new friends were coming over for dinner tonight for her stupid soup. I think she said the girl's name was Annie, but who cares I'll be in my room planning and preparing for tomorrow. And plus if they were friends with Christina they must've been weird because who would want to spend time with Christina more than required! I know for sure I wouldn't. 

Since dad has left and mom got her new job, Christina has been extra controlling (even more than before! Trust me, I didn't think it was possible either). I know she's just trying to keep me right and make sure I don't grow up to be a bum, but I'm 15 years old, (almost 16), and she's still trying to control me! Don't get me wrong, though, I loved Christina and ultimately tell her everything and we've always been close, but I miss the Christina who was my sister, not the one trying to be both my parents. I just wish things were normal again.

Anyways I'm going to check up on Mrs.Lauren Nicole herself so I'll check in with you sooner or later, hopefully, later ;) if you catch my drift. Things would be a lot easier if that lanky grandma dressed lady would disappear and stop unintentionally cock-blocking me and my bae, but hey, I'm always down for a challenge. Okay, now I'm really leaving! I'll talk to you soon. 

Peace out Homie,

Dani N.