{If You're Reading This} ON HOLD

Entry One {Lauren}

April 6th, 2017 

Dear diary, 

          Ugh I feel so cliche for starting my entries like that, note to self: think of a better journal starter. Anyway, sorry for missing yesterday and the day before that's entry...and maybe even the day before the day before that honestly I forget. Things at home have been rough to say the least haha what's new. No but seriously, Mom and Dad have been fighting again. Worse than before. Like, a lot worse than before. 

Therefore, it's been hard to get practically ANYTHING done. (pretty valid excuse if you ask me) On top of this, Lisa's now spending most her time at work (dad losing his job = not only arguments with Mom but also = Lisa (begrudgingly) working more shifts) so I've been even more lonely than usual and having to sit through Mom and Dad's screaming matches by myself practically every night...hearing things I probably shouldn't be. 

ANYWAY school's been terrible. Well, I mean, my grades are fine I guess, but sitting in the teacher's lounge eating lunch by yourself every day, sneaking by your lonesome into the girl's locker room showers to read during free block, and sitting at the very back of the class hoping the teacher never calls on you because of crippling social anxiety isn't something most would consider "fun" or "enjoyable". 

Speaking of which I'm literally writing this while at said hellhole (school), switching back and forth between writing and reading. Some career day assembly's taking place in the auditorium and I'm gladly skipping. Too crowded, too loud, too many people, not my scene. (And who would pass up rereading To Kill a Mockingbird for the fifth time, am I right or am I right?)

I DID actually meet someone friendly just the other day though, I mean she's a teacher haha but not REALLY. Well...her name's Katherine and she's a volunteer. A very talkative, sweet, optimistic and outgoing volunteer, who though is most certainly a bit overwhelming, also makes for great company. She sat with me and we ate lunch just the other day together in the teacher's lounge. She was probably just being kind but still, it was a nice change of pace. I doubt we'll see each other again, well, more so that she'll recognize me haha. Regardless, it was a nice interaction. 

Oh my word could the guy down the hall screaming about the town's fire department be ANY LOUDER, seriously why did they even give that guy a microphone. I don't actually know if this assembly deal goes on for the entire school day or not but God do I hope so, otherwise I think the Algebra exam I never studied for is today and if I let my grades drop any lower than I B Lisa will think it's necessary to whip out her "you're Mom and Dad's last horse in the race!" not-so-motivational speech. 

I can practically hear her pretending to be a real big sister right now ugh, ironic if you ask me, considering she's managed to get fired from 3 separate jobs this month alone. Believe it or not, bosses don't always love it when you sleep through and during your shifts!
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Well, I'm no longer alone haha? 
And, I just had one of the weirdest exchanges/interactions of my life haha?
And, I'm also very turned on haha...ha?

I'll try to best recap the past 20 minutes of my life:
Katherine, who was looking for a quiet place to get away and write (strange coincidence), happened to stumble into the same shower stall as me haha. Even more surprising is that she remembered who I was. Well, I mean, she had to ask for my name again but insisted after I'd told her it that she'd remembered. REGARDLESS, it was certainly a surprise and a pleasant one at that. 

I went so far as to even invite her to sit and write/read with me, kind of a shocker coming from a hermit such as myself, but every once in a while it's nice feeling less alone, and Katherine certainly had a way of doing that. We talked briefly, about the assembly and a few other things. I was worried she'd ask me to leave the locker room and head back into the auditorium like any other normal teacher but as someone who was sneaking away herself she didn't, and I was extremely thankful. I was never any good in large crowds, claustrophobia and social anxiety ere never a great mix. 

So we were just sitting, the two of us, me reading instead of writing in fear that she'd ask about it or something and dreading the whole "uh...it's my diary" conversation (even though she herself was writing in a journal), and her making light conversation about how she hoped I wasn't uncomfortable with her company. I tried assuring her that this wasn't the case. (Which strangely enough was true, despite the age gap and my lack of knowledge about anything that had to do with this woman and her life we really felt like old friends. Like maybe, in another life, we'd once been unbearably close?) 

Before I could manage to get out all that many words though, I became THOROUGHLY distracted by the sound of the locker room door creaking open. 
And bodies being slammed up against lockers.
And light, feminine moaning.
And noisy lip-smacking. 

And suddenly it became blatantly aware to me, that we happened to be in the very wrong place at the very wrong time. Katherine's eyes widened and I followed her gaze, parting the shower curtain hiding us from the scene unfolding, and taking in the two girls before us. I stared at the underclassman and upperclassman as they made out passionately, pulling at each other's clothes ravishingly, and running hands through their disheveled hair for longer than I probably should have. 

It was at this point Kath stopped catching flies and stood up from the floor, clearing her throat and putting on a teacher look. The two girls eventually stopped swapping saliva, the older of the two girls (a Senior presumably) ran from the room severely embarrassed while the younger girl simply crossed her arms and roll her green eyes. She spoke to Katherine in a harsh tone that I didn't pay attention to, because it was at this point I realized I knew this girl. She wasn't in my grade but, I definitely knew her from somewhere. How could anyone forget green eyes like those? 

It was around this same moment her eyes fell to me on the floor a  few feet behind Katherine, a book shielding the lower half of my face but her intense, emerald eyes still managing to lock with mine. The look she gave me was something resembling a deer in headlights, and it shocked me. Her freckled cheeks turned a deep red, and she quickly adjusted her crooked shirt so a bra strap that'd been played with by the nameless Senior wasn't hanging off her bony shoulder. 

I didn't know what to do, did I smile? Ask her what was wrong? I mean I faintly recognized the girl, but she was staring at me like I'd sucker punched her in the stomach. I swallowed hard, starting to feel uncomfortable just as she turned away from me and sprinted out of the room as quickly as she'd thrown herself into it. 
IS THAT WEIRD OR WHAT.

Now I feel like she was some kind of Medium and I must have a demon that's attached itself to my back. Or that without knowing it someone had somehow scribbled "PLEASE STARE AT ME LIKE I HAVE TWO HEADS" across my forehead in permanent marker. 
I guess at least the day can't get much more strange or involuntary at this point, right haha?

       Xx Lauren