Chapter 14

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Tris POV:

I'm awakened by pounding at my door. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I rub my eyes and stumble to the door, taking a second to blindly peer through the peep hole. The person doesn't appear to have an axe, so I slowly open the door. I'm assuming it's Christina, as I texted her earlier with details about today, and to tell her about the anxiety.

"Chris I'm fine, the panic attack ended hours ago." I say, rubbing my eyes.

"You had a panic attack?" A deep voice asks. My vision suddenly clears. Tobias stands in the doorway, his face stricken. He wears a worn leather jacket, his hands shoved deeply inside his pockets. I open the door wider, and lean against the door frame.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper. He shifts, and gives me a look.

"You weren't answering your phone, I was worried." I roll my eyes.

"I was asleep, it's midnight." I sigh and open the door wider, heading back into the apartment. He follows and close the door.

"Yes, you fell asleep after your panic attack, which you blatantly forget to call and tell me." I shake my head as I fumble in the cupboard for a new mug and tea.

"You were working, I didn't want to bother you." He scoffs.

"Bother me? You thought your ANXIETY would BOTHER me? What the hell Tris! We go through this shit together? Why would you think it would bother me? We've dealt with it before!" I smash the mug down on the counter, so hard it breaks into two. I whirl around.

"Maybe because of what happened today! I went to training with you, got thrown into a pool, and somehow I've pissed you off. I should have stayed home! This is so exhausting, and I always feel like I'm smothering you! Do you know what that's like? To be a needy girlfriend. It was hard enough for my dad to handle it, you shouldn't have to!" By  now I have tears streaming down my face. I turn and begin to gather the broken cup. The ceramic digs into my hand, but I ignore the pain.

He comes up behind me and begins to brush them out of my hand. They fall into the sink with a small dud.

"Leave them." He says quietly. I shake my head and sniff.

"It's fine, I got-" My shoulder shake, and he wraps an arm around me. I try to shrug him off as more tears come, but he turns me around and presses me to his chest. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his shoulder. He lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He carries me into the bedroom and sits on the bed, me in his lap so I am straddling him. He rubs my back and caresses my hair as I let a few small tears fall.

"I can't keep doing this to you." I whisper. He pulls back and catches my face in his hands.

"Who says that I want you to stop? I am here to hold you at your worst, and applaud you at your best. " I shake my head.

"It's not fair to you." He shakes his head.

"Do you know why I was angry today? I was angry because I wasn't there to protect you. I'm a soldier, and we have to protect each other on the battlefield." I let out a shaky laugh.

"This isn't war, Tobias, this is life." He kisses my forehead.

"Then  let me live every part of our screwed up one with you." It's those words that make the tears stop. I shake my head, and he cups my face in his hands.

"I love you." He whispers. I smile.

"Every screwed up part if me?" He nods his head.

"Every broken, sad, mean piece of you. No matter how many times you throw me away, I will always come back to you." I laugh.

"I love you too." He presses his mouth to mine, and I respond by pressing my body closer to him. Our kiss taste salty from my tears, but he doesn't seem to mind. He runs a hand down my back as he slowly lays back against the bed, me on top of him. His hand rests at my waist, and I'm thankful he respects my boundaries and senses I don't want to go anywhere tonight.

A heavy object jumps on my back, and we break the kiss. I laugh as Felix climbs over our conjoined form, meowing. I push hims slightly, hovering over Tobias.

'Do you want to stay here tonight?" I whisper. He nods,  sitting up and quickly stripping off his uniform, leaving him in boxers and a T-shirt. he climbs under the cover with me, pulling my back against his chest.

"Sleep, I'll fight off the bad dreams" He whispers in my ear. I laugh.

"With what?" I can almost hear the smirk in his voice.

"My bare hands, obviously." I laugh, turning my head so I can give hima quick kiss.

"Goodnight, Soldier."

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