Allodoxaphobia ♅ Viktuuri

8) ''No''

Yuuri didn't turn up to his next session, or the one after that. What used to be a daily occurrence now didn't exist at all. Viktor was suspicious but didn't push Yuuri, who still turned up to school and still talked to- or followed- his friends.

Viktor felt unneeded and something about that set him on edge. He now taught classes as any other teacher. He had reverted back to Mr Nikiforov and he was stricter on his teachers. His smile had faded to an uncomfortable grimace and his eyes no longer held the light they used to.

Yuuri was the same. He had stopped eating and the little he talked to his friends had now become null. He followed them to avoid suspicion but questions directed at him would be answered with no more than a hum or a nod- sometimes a shrug.

Viktor knew Yuuri's secret now too and it had set them both another bought of depression. Viktor wanted to comfort him but Yuuri was pulling away. Yuuri, on the other hand, was scared of every word Viktor said. He didn't trust anyone, even his smiling trustworthy Russian teacher.

He knew at some point the news was going to come out and he would deal with the consequences. He wouldn't be able to escape it. He was normal and in a world where special was the norm, he had no chance of survival.

The world was a cruel place and there was no doubt that Yuuri had been caught in the middle of it all.

A week had passed since Viktor found out and Yuuri was sat in the Russian classroom, as he often did with his classes being nearly every day. Viktor started the lesson with a forced smile and a glare at Yurio who was chewing gum at the back of the class. 'Throw the gum in the bin, Yurio.' Yurio nodded, for once complying.

In truth, Yurio was worried about Viktor. Viktor was his friend and he had never seen him like this. Yurio wanted to talk to Viktor but he couldn't find the time nor the place to do so. Yurio could see what was happening and he was afraid, for both of them. Yurio, despite his mean demeanour, cared for his friends- if Yuuri could be counted within that circle.

There was nothing any of them could do now, it was up to themselves to fix this mess they had put themselves in. They all blamed themselves and maybe they were right to, none of them were putting any effort into fixing it- they sulked, hoping one day all would fall back into place.

That's not how life works. It did not fall into place. Another two weeks then passed and nothing happened. Viktor's smile faded from even a grimace to nothing- his face was blank. Yurio's attitude had changed from sarcastic to truly cruel, once even trying to throw a punch at Yuuri, only restrained by Viktor's tight grip.

And Yuuri, Yuuri was the worst of them all. He had fallen and he was falling fast. What was once not wanting to eat was now starving himself, what was once clenching his fists as an outlet had turned to blood oozing out of his skin.

Yuuri had fallen and for such a pitiful reason. Yuuri was set off by such simple things. A mean comment from Yurio, another line across his skin. Viktor's knowledge of his secret, another line across his skin. A smile on another face, a line across his skin.

His thoughts, a line across his skin.

Yuuri was trapped in a cage that he had set up. He had escaped for a few days, he was allowed the taste of freedom before he shoved himself back inside, afraid of what that freedom's consequences were.

Yuuri was afraid. There was nothing more to it. That was why he closed in himself. That was why he had caused Viktor so much turmoil. That was why Yurio had become so much more aggressive.

He didn't mean to cause this for others. He couldn't even see it happening. He was stuck inside his own mind and he couldn't see what was going on around him.

'Yuuri.' Viktor stated, repeating himself. Yuuri's head shot up, he had no idea what had just been said or what he was supposed to say. So, he stayed silent.

Viktor sighed. 'Answer the question on the board, Yuuri.' Yuuri shrugged, not feeling up to speak or not trusting himself to speak. He knew a word out of his mouth would come out as silent, his voice would fail him.

Viktor sighed again. 'Yuuri. I know you know.' Those four words hit Yuuri hard. It wasn't even what Viktor implied but those stated so much truth in them. Yuuri knew he knew, he had told him his secret. And now, everything had fallen apart.

'No.' He stated, his voice wavering and quiet. But, Viktor heard. Heads turned. Any student in Viktor's class could see something happened between the two but it was impossible to know what.

Many hadn't heard Yuuri talk ever, except to answer questions. 'Yuuri.' Viktor warned.

'No.' Yuuri stated, his voice much stronger but no louder. Yuuri stood up, he wanted to leave.

Yuuri left without a word then, the whole class gaping at him. Viktor scowled and caught Yuuri's arm on the way out. 'Yuuri, you can't leave in the middle of a lesson.' Viktor warned but Yuuri could hear it. Yuuri could hear what he was trying to say, they had that bond and Yuuri hated it.

Yuuri was falling, not into a hole of depression, but for him- for Viktor. 'But I am.' Yuuri stated, tears collecting in his eyes but his face set, impassive. With that, he left. He left to cut, he left to let it out. He left and he didn't go back. He didn't want to go back. He couldn't go back.

Yuuri couldn't face Viktor again. He couldn't bear to see the look of rejection on Viktor's face. Yuuri hated that if he went back he would do something irrational. He hated that Viktor cared for him as nothing but a friend- he hated that Viktor did what he was supposed to do.

word count: 1023

published: 25.02.17