Expiration || M.C

5 || Beeping Machines

Luke

Another week went by. Spencer and I visited Michael every day until visiting hours were over. Spencer fell asleep a lot, which I didn't mind. I'm just happy she is sleeping at all. Because I'm not.

Today there is some sort of special day for the kids at the hospital so there isn't any visitation today. I plan on talking to Ashton, maybe. He hasn't visited Michael yet.

Me and Ashton used to be close. We used to hang out sometimes. Not intentionally, at first. We were nice to each other when I was at Michael's house and we laughed and played video games sometimes but we weren't really like, friends, we were just friendly. You know? But then we started seeing each other at parties and found out we have quite a lot in common so we basically went partying together, every week. Until he had to leave for Yale.

He hasn't talked to me yet since he's back. I plan on just making the first move. We used to be friends, he knows he can talk to me. He never really liked Spencer, for some reason. He always thought she was trouble and that she was gonna bring Michael down. And I expect he blames her for what happened.

I put some clothes on and brush my teeth and walk out of the guest room. Downstairs I see that Spencer is still sleeping. I've been staying here at her house to take care of her. I write a short note to her, saying I've gone for a walk and leave.

When I'm driving through the Clifford's neighborhood. It feels weird. My hands are sweaty and shaking. I park in front of the house and take a few deep breaths. "C'mon." I whisper to myself a few times. I get out of the car and walk up to the front door.

Before I knock I look into the window, where I see Ashton sitting behind his vintage typewriter with his glasses on. I smile. Typically Ashton. I knock on the door and wait for a while. When no one opens, I knock on the window. Ashton looks up and when he sees it's me he stands up and walks to the front door. He opens it.

"Luke, hey, man." he says with a soft voice. He looks surprised. I smile at him. "I like your long hair like this." I say, touching one of his long, greasy curls. He laughs and runs his hands through his hair. "Yeah, just wanted something different." He says, which I know is not true.

He just didn't want to waste valuable time on something as stupid as a haircut. Which I felt the same about.

After a moment of silence, Ashton takes a few steps closer to me and pulls me into a hug. I put my arms around him. He smells like he hasn't showered in days, but then I probably do too. I can feel him shaking from crying so I pat his back. "Let's go inside." I say.

"Are your parents home?" I ask, after a few minutes of silence. Ashton sighs. "Mom has been lying in bed for a week, and dad is out on a business trip." he says. I nod. Whenever things got hard or serious, their dad would always go on "business trips" which meant, staying in a hotel somewhere and drinking until he passed out.

"What are you feeling, Ashton?" I decide to ask instead of the standard "How are you doing?" because I know how he's doing. I just want to know if he's angry or sad. He shrugs.

"Honestly, I don't know. How am I supposed to feel?" he looks at me. I look away. I know what he means, because I feel the same. I feel.. numb. "I don't know, Ashton," I look at him. "But just know that you can talk to me, okay? You're not going through this alone." I say, patting his back. He nods and looks me in the eyes.

"Have you talked to Spencer?" he asks, sitting back on the couch. "Um, yeah." I say, as he raises his eyebrows. "And, how does she feel? Angry, sad, even guilty maybe?" squinting his eyes a bit more with every word he speaks. I rub my eyes.

"Ashton, this is not her fault and you well know it." I say, looking at him. He laughs. I stand up and start walking towards the front door. I don't want to listen to this. "Ashton, I don't want to argue about this. But you can talk to me if you want okay? You have my number."

"You just gonna leave now?" he says, standing up. "Yes, Ashton." I say, turning around. He shakes his head and laughs sarcastically. "I can't believe you're still defending her, man. I don't understand how you and Michael never saw." he takes off his glasses and wipes them clean with his shirt.

I roll my eyes. Before I can start talking, he opens his mouth again. "I knew her brother, Luke," he takes a step closer. "I knew her father, Luke," he takes another step . "And you knew her brother too. We are the only ones who know what actually happened to him. So I guess I can't blame Michael for ignoring my warnings. But you, Luke? You should know better right? Or did you forget?" he spits the words at me.

I turn around to leave. "This was her fault, Luke. Her fault, why can't you just see that? Just look at her fucked up family, man. It's in her blood." he yells at me. I turn around and quickly walk towards him.

"Do you remember what your brother did, Ashton? He killed himself. It wasn't a fucking accident, he killed himself. Slit his wrists, swallowed about thirty pills. How can you blame that on someone else? Don't blame his fucked up mind on her." I yell back and turn around. I feel his hands on my shoulders. I turn around and push him away and watch how he falls to the ground. I can hear him yelling something in the distance, but before I can understand what it is he's saying, I slam the front door.

I had been angrily driving around for twenty minutes when I park my car in front of the hospital. I look at myself in the rear view mirror of my car. I can't believe I said those things to Ashton. I can't believe I called Michael fucked up.

I made it sound like I think Michael is crazy. Which is not what I think at all. I angrily slam the door of the car. My eyes are stinging and I press my eyes closed for a few seconds until it stops. I walk towards the reception, check myself in, and go up with the elevator.

Before I go in I check if I can find nurse Hood, which I can't. I go back to Michael's room and quietly shut the door behind me. I sit down in the chair next to lifeless Mikey, with the ever so soft skin. I grab his hand.

"Hey, Mikey," my eyes are stinging again. "I think it's gonna snow soon in Blue Mountains. It's been getting colder. You always loved the snow, didn't you? Said the cold and snowflakes brought you joy. Remember how we used to get Ashton to drive us all the way to Blue Mountains? The three of us would just sit there in the snow and talk. And last year Ash couldn't go so Spencer came, remember?" Ashton didn't go because Michael wanted Spencer to come with us.

"You need to wake up, Mikey. You're gonna wanna see this it. We can drive there again and sit in the cold snow," I smile softly.

"You know, I understand why you never had a phone now. It drives you insane. I keep waiting for calls from the hospital to tell me you're better, you know. That you've woken up, or even that there's a slight improvement. But it's all the same." I wipe a tear from my eye.

"Mike, you should wake up now, okay? You need to. We aren't doing too well, you know. Me, my mum, Spencer, Ashton, your parents. Even people at school make a status about missing you. Which I get, because who wouldn't miss Michael Clifford, right?" I go quiet for a moment. "You need to wake up. You can do it, do it for me. You're strong." I say, as I put both my hands over his.

I hear the door open and when I look behind me I see that it's nurse Hood. I want to start talking, but forget what I was going to say when I see the concerned expression on his face.

"Nurse? What is it?" I say, standing up. He quickly races over to Michael's heart monitor. I turn around to look at it, as I realize, I don't hear anything.

Nothing but a long beep of his heart telling us it's given up. "Nurse, nurse w-what is going on? What does this mean?" I start shaking. I know what it means. I just don't want it to be true. He presses all kinds of buttons and multiple people start running into the room. Somebody takes my arm and pulls me outside.