Expiration || M.C

16 || Moments

Spencer

We are standing on the balcony, staring at the view and every now and then I will stare at him, and he will stare at me.

It had been a few hours since Luke had kissed me. We both quickly realized it was not what we wanted. We didn't have feelings for each other, we had never had them, and they will never be there.

"Shit. Fuck. Christ. Sorry, sorry." Luke stopped immediately.

"Oh my god, what the fuck? I mean, it's fine, it's okay." We rambled to each other.

"I just, I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm feeling. Everything is getting mixed up. Man, I don't even like girls."

I looked at him, confused at what he just said. He looked back at me with wide eyes. "I mean, I've never been in love with a girl, I mean, of course I like girls, girls are... man, girls are.. great."

I felt too confused to laugh at his awkwardness. "Luke, when we fought a few weeks back and you told me I don't love Michael like you do, did you-"

"Yes, yes. I did. I do. Don't tell anyone, please, God. Do not tell anyone." He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me.

"I won't, I won't. I promise. But, it's fine.. right? Being gay isn't bad."

I look at the view from the balcony. The tall buildings look beautiful all lit up in the dark. It feels like we're the only ones alive in this moment.

''When did you realize you were in love with Michael?'' I ask, wiping some raindrops off of the railing of the balcony.

When I look over at him he's staring at me and frowning, like he's thinking. ''I'm not sure,'' He says, playing with his fingers. ''I just know I was probably around fourteen? I just can't remember the exact moment. I don't even think I realized I was in love with him until I was like, sixteen.'' He says. I nod and we stay quiet again for a while. Suddenly he starts to laugh.

I look over at him and frown. ''What's so funny?'' He shakes his head. ''I just remember how much I always wanted to kiss him, it's quite sad.'' He starts laughing again.

''Did you ever tell anyone you were gay? Because you admitted it to yourself, didn't you?'' He furrowed his eyebrows.

''I guess. Accepting it wasn't easy, though. I probably could've told my mom. She would probably cry from happiness, you would also understand. I guess telling someone could've helped, but it would become more real. It was just a thing that was floating around in my head and telling someone would make it official, you know? I felt like being gay was still something to be embarassed of, especially at school.'' He turns around to look back inside the house through the window.

''Do you still feel this way?'' I ask him. He turns back around and looks at me. ''I don't know. I hope everything will just be better when school is over. And when Michael's back.'' He looks at the view and smiles. I can tell he wants to cry.

I move closer to him and put my head on his shoulder and hold his arm. We stand there for a moment in silence.

"Maybe we should sleep. It's getting late." I say, wiping my eye.

"Yeah." He mumbles and he lets me go and walks back inside the house. I follow him and close the door to the balcony.

"Holy fuck." I turn around as Luke is staring at his phone with wide eyes. I quickly walk over to him. "What? What is it?"

"Fuck, we need to go. Now. Get everything you need, we might be there for a while." He quickly puts on a sweater over his t-shirt.

"Where? Luke? Luke, what the hell? Was it the hospital?" I say, trying to get his attention.

"Get your shit, okay? Michael is waking up. It's time to go." Luke says, looking around with a confused expression.

I take a few steps back. "Waking up?" I say slowly.

"Yes, Spencer. Now come on, we need to leave, now." Luke says as he quickly starts walking down the stairs. I grab my phone and go after him.