Love Is A Dangerous Word

Part 14: July 23, 2022

"I'm writing this to hopefully inform people as to why I made the decision to turn. I have lived a life of prosperity, vigilance, and most of all my open mindedness. I know that those things are monsters, but I just want to see how the other half lives. What's it like to be undead? To only have one need and that is the need to feed. I know I'll have no memory of my past life, but I just want to know out of curiosity. I honestly find the infected interesting, not that I would capture them and experiment on them. It's their nature and how they behave. No idea of how or why they are attracted to things other than humans, like sound and light. Anyways, enough of that. I would like to give confessions about my life and my biggest regret also what I loved most out of it. One thing I confess to is a murder I committed before shit hit the fan. There was this black boy, he was about 15 or 16 and one day I was walking down the road coming home from the gym when he jumped around the corner and pulled me inside the alleyway along with his buddy, whom was about the same age, and tried to rob me. I reacted so drastically that I pulled out the knife I never thought I would use that I always carried around and stabbed him in the neck. His friend backed away in fear and ran away. I..just left the body there, didn't call 911, didn't call anybody, I just walked away with a couple blood drops on my arm. I'm not sure if the cops came because they never came to question me about it and no gang ever got vengeance. It's been haunting me, I have never told anyone nor came forward about it with regret. It was self defense and I knew it I was just afraid to face his family or the gang he was probably affiliated with," Lilith flipped the paper "My biggest regret wasn't that, but that I didn't come forward with it. It haunted me for months, until the apocalypse started and I could start something new. One thing I sure am proud of is Salutem, it was a new start and that's all I saw it as. It was tough, but I got through it. Also that I got to run it next to my loving brother, John. Then Lilith came along, she was one of the people I knew so little, but felt like I knew all my life. She was so supporting and persistent. The moment she got shot on my front porch I knew she would be a good influence. She has been and we have survived a lot together. I love her like my own family. In the end of my long 28 years of life this has to be the hardest thing I've had to write. Not only because I'm writing the the arm the scratch is on, but also because I don't have enough time to write an autobiography and not enough paper or ink. I'll just sum this up by saying I'm ready to die at any moment now. I want Lilith to take me out, I feel like its appropriate," Lilith sighed "That was the final will and testament of Jorge Johnathan Jackson written on July 22, 2022," she folded the paper back up and put it back in her pocket "He died on July 23, 2022 at about 10:30 AM and I'm making this log at 10:45 AM. Where do we go? What do we do? We are walking aimless in this fucking city without a clue or question as to what lies ahead."

Lilith got up from where she was sitting near Jorge's body "After looting and mourning his death for a brief time he asked me to read this aloud to who ever may be watching this," she began to walk when infectors could be seen pouring out the buildings and streets "We should get out of here guys...this day has been one the most emotional days of my life. First some people from the Legion start shooting at us, next thing I know I'm face to face with Zargo, and last I shot a good friend after he turned. I wish I could take a break and go back before this nightmare ever began just to get another taste of society...back to when my friends were all alive...back to when I wasnt killing already dead people. Hopefully I'll have a dream about that, then again no because I'll wake up back in this nightmare then probably want to shoot myself."

Lilith was silent for a moment "No, I promised people I wouldn't give up. I'm still living because of them and I couldn't be anymore grateful. I just want to know how things would be different...how this all could have been prevented. You know the alternate dimension theory? Where any choice you can think of somewhere else in an alternate universe it happened or didn't. If the theory was true then there is a universe in where this doesn't happen and they are some lucky mother fuckers. I think I've dragged on this rant long enough. I need to change the batteries anyways, Lilith out."

Lilith turned off the camera and put it in her bag "I'll change the batteries later," she said to herself. Walking in the front of the group she turned around to notice a look the other 3 were giving her. It was a confused and worrysome look but also curious.

"You saw your old friend?" Hope asked.

"Long story...dont worry about it."

"Im worried for you," Lang said.

"There's nothing to worry about Lang."

"Are you feeling anxious more than usual?" Hugs asked.

"You're a soldier, not a psychiatrist."

"A soldier who studied pyschology."

"Can you guys get off my back for fuck sake?" Lilith snapped "I need some time alone."

"Of course Lily," Hugs said.

Lilith paced herself more ahead splitting herself away from the rest 'These are the only people I have left...and I'm pushing them away,' she thought to herself 'After we stop to sleep I'll try to open up and show Hugs and Lang my logs so they can get a better understanding. For now I just want to think in silence.'