Sober (Chris Brown Story)

One

Afraid.

Afraid is what I feel every day, and whether or not you like to admit it, you do too. It's there, in different shapes and forms, but oh is it there. Now what you are afraid of may vary. There are so many things to be afraid of in this world that I'm surprise we even leave the house.

What am I afraid of?
Not being accepted. Walking into a room and everyone there is talking about me, suffocating me with their words and twisted opinion. Eye balling me as if I were some sort of cell under a microscope. That terrified me; to be honest it makes me sick.

To say this just started would be false; I have been this way for years. Could never stand the scrutiny of others and did not do well under pressure. People... Open places... They terrified me. I'm surprised I made it this far in life without actually considering killing myself. 

You know how they say some people are meant to be alone? Well I'm starting to believe I'm one of those people. I think they only time I have faced my fears of people is when I'm absolutely intoxicated. When I can no longer function and hardly see I am capable of handling a social situation. 

Only when I'm not sober.

-

Danica 

I sat in my window sill studying the seventeen degree winter night. I was cloaked in a thick blanket sipping my peach tea in my big purple mug. The outside world was covered in bundled cloths of white. The trees were naked and touched with white frost. I could faintly hear through the window the wind blowing furiously too violent for anyone to try to get through.

I sighed; this really was going to be a white Christmas. I slumped lower into my seat admiring the frost that had begun to accumulate on my window. I love winter; it is my favorite time of the year. It was so beautiful and positively gorgeous beyond words to watch the snow fall and coat the ground.
Toronto weather has always been somewhat enchanting to me; I suppose that's why I moved here over a year ago. As I sat in deep thought my bedroom door crept open, it was dark and all that could be seen of the person entering my room was a dark shadow. My eyes squinted to recover the figure entering my room, but failed to see the person.

"Danica are you awake?" His voice was hoarse as if he had just woken up. His footsteps could be heard as he neared the window. His figure illuminated by the night sky. It was Gabriel. My roommate of exactly two years. I smiled at him, "Yes, you need me?" 

He nodded as he lifted the mug from my hand, and then his other hand took mine. I stood from my previous spot in my window and followed Gabriel out of my room, into the hall, and into his room. Inside his room on his bed were two outfits, I'm assuming they were for me being that they were both women's clothes. I turned to look at him with a frown glued to my face. 

"Gabe what are these for?" I asked skeptically. A wide smile spread across his face as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I knew that smile, and I knew where this was going, but for some reason I did not flee like I usually do. I waited for him to give me his usual speech, "When was the last time you went out Danny?" He squeezed my shoulder. I sighed and began to remove his fingers from my shoulder, not wanting to have this conversation. He knew well that the club scene was not my place. I always felt weird and uncomfortable.

"No. No, I will not let you drag me out. No!" I shook my head in protest. I began to exit his room going back to where I once was when he grabbed my arm. Gabe pouted as he pulled me closer to 
the bed. "Come on dani! I don't ask much of you! Go out with me this once!" He pleaded. 
Just this once Danica, it can't be that bad. Let your guard down for tonight.
"Ok." 

-

It was that bad. It was just as I imagined. People were staring at me as if I were on exhibit. It made my skin crawl. The hairs on my arms were standing at attention I could hardly keep still. My clothes were tight against my skin and I was sure as I moved towards a couch the dude behind me was looking at my behind. Gabriel had run off with his one love Morgan, leaving me to be miserable by myself. Had I known that this was just a trick to get me out of the house, I would have never agreed to come. 

Settling into my spot I took a sip of my drink I had got from the bar. This had to be my third drink in the last twenty minutes, my nerves were slowly relaxing. I leaned back against the all leather couch taking in the scenery. People pushed against others grinding to panty dropper like this was a sex room. The faces were pastel paintings in my eyes as I grew with intoxication. I'm a light weight so it took a minimum of three to four drinks to impair my judgment. Thank god I'm not driving tonight.
As smile parted my lips as I stared into space not realizing someone had came and sat next to me.
"What's a girl like you, doing in a place like this?" His voice was in my ear, sending tingles down my spine. I turned to face him my cheeks a rosy red as I giggled. I covered my mouth with my hand as I stared at his half shaded face. It was too dark in the club to fully capture the essence of this creature, but from what I could see he was pretty cute.

"I'm here with a friend!" I smiled at him as I attempted to talk over the loud music. He raised an eyebrow assessing me for a moment, "your boyfriend?" I giggled again, shaking my head no. He smiled showing all his teeth. His tongue swiped across his bottom lip as he inched closer so my bare leg was touching his cargos. "Good, so no one will mind if I dance ma?" He asked and again I shook my head. 

That was all the confirmation he needed to whisk me off my feet and to the floor, but not before I finished my drink. I downed the rest and allowed him to take me to the melting pot of bodies. Once there I blacked out.