[1] sad but true. james hetfield, metallica

Twenty six.

I walked down the sidewalk, my hands shoved in my pockets, just thinking. I was on my way to see Kirk and Lars, I didn't want to be alone right now. Matt was in one of his moods, and refused to come out of his room. I hope it wasn't something I had done. Probably was though..

I wanted to walk today. It's not that far away from my house, and I could use the exorcise I guess. James gets to come home tomorrow. I'm excited, but then again I'm not. I just hope he doesn't drink anymore.

I feel so bad for cutting again. I've promised people I would stop and countless times I fail to keep that promise. I can't be trusted at all. I can't get it out of my head. I feel so guilty. I have to tell someone or I think I'll explode. I can't tell Matt or James, they'd be so angry. They'd feel so betrayed. Matt, I understand. I'm his sister. But, James. I still don't understand why he loves me as much as he does.. I don't think I'll ever understand..

I finally arrived at the house, seeing Lars outside doing god knows what. He legit was just standing there, staring up at the house.

"Lars? What's up, man?" I walked over to him, looking up at the house as well: trying to see what he was looking at.

"Oh, just thinking." He shrugged, "I came out for a walk but then decided not to." He looked down but then back up at me.

"Uh. Okay?" I look at him, a smile tugging on the end of his lips.

"So. What brings you here?"

"My legs."

"I mean why'd you come? It's not like James is here..." He smirked, starting to walk towards the door.

"I just wanted to come talk to y'all I guess." I say, walking beside of him. He nodded understandingly, opening the door.

"Hey, Court!" Kirk greeted me, sitting down on the couch with his guitar.

"Hey, Kirk." I wave, walking over to him and sitting beside him. He went back to playing his guitar, he played beautifully. 

Lars sat down on the other couch. "So. You said you wanted to talk to us? Is everything okay?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess everything's okay.." I looked down at my hands, thinking for a moment. "Hey..Do you guys have any beer?" 

Kirk raised his eyebrows, "Really? You mean, your boyfriend almost died from alcohol poisoning, and you're ready to crack open a beer?" 

Hearing, almost died, made me shiver. But no, that is not at all what I meant.. 

"No! I mean..I mean, if you have any. Throw it out. That way James won't be tempted to get it when he comes back.." I say shakily, seeing the look Kirk was giving me wash off his face, being replaced with an understanding nod. 

"Smart idea." Lars smiled, but then frowned. "But James drank all that we had that day.." 

I look down. He drank that much that day? Lord.. 

"Oh.." I simply whisper, "As long as it's all gone." 

"Hey Court?" Lars put his hand on my shoulder, "Are you sure you're okay?" 

"Uh.." I look down, feeling my eyes get hot and watery, "Not really.." 

"Well what's the matter?" He said calmly.

"I broke a promise to James.." 

A/N: sorry this is such a short chapter! It's a really sucky filler lmao. Whoops. It'll get better I hope. :)