Race

Chapter 25

Vee's P.O.V.

He had promised.

Weeks had passed. I had to remind myself of that sometimes, that it only had been weeks. It felt like years.

I had lost everything there was to lose. The love of my life. The sanctuary that his place had been. The only two friends I had had in this city.

And I still didn't know why.

He had promised.

I had walked through the streets around the hospital for hours, until the sun had come up completely and I had stopped shaking and crying.

I had considered to go back to the hospital, to face him again, fueled by the ridiculous hope that it had been a misunderstanding, that he had not meant what he had said, that it had just been an effect of the concussion, that he had been confused.

My first assumption had been that the whole night had been some nightmare, that I would wake up at his place and it all had been a bad dream. The second one that the accident might have been real but that he hadn't actually kicked me out, that I had just been exhausted and had fallen asleep in the chair next to his hospital bed and that the awful events of the day had caused that nightmare. The bloody marks and the pain of my fingernails pressing into my right forearm had negated these assumptions. The nightmare had been no nightmare, it had been real.

So I hadn't returned to the hospital, feeling like I couldn't stand him looking at me the way he had done before. Not again. Like he hated me.

He had promised.

Shivering and looking like death herself, I had sat on the bus, trying to find my way back to his place, people looking at me worriedly. I had checked my phone nervously every few seconds, hoping to find a missed call or even just a text from either Jake or Niall, telling me that they had found out about what he had said to me, telling me that he felt sorry for what he had said and wanted me to come back. The message never came. The call never came.

Eventually, I had found my way back to his place. God, I couldn't even think his name anymore. Much less speak it out loud.

He had given me until he would get out of the hospital but as it turned out, I couldn't bear to stay at his place anyway. There were memories everywhere - in the kitchen, in his bedroom, in the living room, God, even in the goddamn bathroom - of me being too in love to see, to understand. He had just pretended to be in love with me. It had not been real.

There was no other explanation for me dismissing him out of my life so quickly without doing so much as naming a valid reason.

I packed the few belongings that I had stored at his place and left.

He had promised.

With no other place to go, with neither Jake nor Niall returning any of my calls, I had no choice but to go back to my own place.

He and I had considered selling it, as I was practically only living at his place anymore anyway. I was glad we hadn't. Even though horrible things had happened there, it at least held no memories of him and me. Some calls and the one night he had spent here, that was it. God, the place even held more memories concering Niall than it did him.

The fact that he had suggested selling it seemed cruel to me. Things didn't add up. Why would he have wanted me to sell the place, fully aware of the fact that he would sooner or later kick me out?

I hadn't been able to sleep at first, but I doubted I would have been able to sleep at any place.

He had promised.

After days of silence, it finally came. The call.

It had been Jake to call me.

"Look, Vee," he had said, his phrasing and serious tone telling me that what he was about to say would break my heart even more than it was already broken. "I don't know what happened between you two but he seems to be intent on never seeing you again. I know it's hard on you but maybe just give him some time? I'm sure he will come around. Anyway, we're all going to stay with his parents in Italy for a while. It's for the best, I'm sure."

Throughout the whole conversation, all that I had said was just "Hm", "Okay" and "Alright" apart from the one time that I had inquired after his well-being, still needing the reassurance that the man I still loved was okay.

And that was the last thing I had heard from any of them.

He had promised.

After two weeks, my body had finally stopped hurting, the pain slowly transitioning into numbness. I started sleeping again, in fact it was what I did most of the days. Just sleep. And if I wasn't asleep, I just lied in bed and stared at walls. Only on rare occasions did I actually go outside, namely when I no longer had any food at my place or was in need of something else. My mind had always been a place crowded with thoughts toppling over eachother and chasing eachother. But now it had turned blank.

Even the thought that I had had a million times in the two weeks before, the thought that had always been there, ever present, as if carved into the back of my head, had vanished. So what? He had promised that he would not throw me away as soon as he had gotten me into bed but he still had. There were a lot of people who did it. And hadn't it been what I had expected from him from the very start?

His promise had meant nothing.

For some reason I had clung to this thought so much, to this promise. I couldn't even tell you or anyone else why exactly his promise had been the thing I had been obsessing over for so long. Maybe, I had continued to hope that he had meant it, that he would come back, seeing that he had promised not to leave me. Instead of just accepting the truth that he had broken his promise, I had not accepted the fact that we were over and by doing so, I hadn't even given myself a chance to get over him.

As soon as I had come to that conclusion, I had started to feel better. The thought that had haunted me for three weeks now seemed to have lost all its power over me. It was catharsis.

Lethargy turned into nervous restlessness.

One morning, I got up and went outside. I brought my laptop with me and went to the nearest coffee shop that was not the Starbucks I had worked at.

I was aware of the fact that I still looked awful. I hadn't had much of an appetite for the past few week, resulting in my clothes hanging over my frame loosely. I was pale and looked sickly. But I was about to change that.

Other girls had been played by boys, other girls had broken up with boyfriends. I was behaving ridiculously, I could not let myself ruin my own life over a guy, no matter how deep my feelings towards him had been. I would get my life back on track. And I would do so now.

I spent the whole day at the coffee shop, going through websites, applying for jobs.

His promise might not have counted for anything. But mine did. And I promised myself that I would not give up. Bad things had happened to me and I had two choices. Let it consume me and sulk over it for the rest of my life. Or take my life in my own hands and try to make it as good and satisfying as possible. I chose the latter, I chose a life worth living.

A/N: Hello! A new chapter yay!! A very short one, so not that yay!! But still yay, right?

I hope this was bearable to read, I always feel like I'm sucky at the description of feelings etc. but at the same time I feel like they are very very important and that even though chapters that are all about feelings may not really have a plot but after all feelings are motivations for all kinds of actions etc in the future so they still advance the plot :)

Anyway, I hope you still liked it and fingers crossed that I manage to update soon! (A.k.a. fingers crossed for university starting to be less stressful and me passing all my exams etc)

HAVE A NICE DAY !