Lockdown

episode 9

"No. No, no" Emma breathed, crawling forward as she loomed over him. Sitting back, Emma pulled his heavy body into her arms, cradling his limp frame. Blood from the gashes in his back seeped into her pants, tears slipping from her eyes. "Felix" she said again, running her hand through his hair as she pushed it back from his forehead.

A soft inhale passed through his lips, a low rumble at the base of his throat. Emma's eyebrows pulled together, her back bending as she leaned over him. "I-I'm sorry". The quiet words slipped through his lips, creating a burning pain in her heart.

"Why? Why are you saying that?" Emma asked desperately, clenching his shirt in her hands as she pulled him closer.

Felix's eyes pulled open slowly, his long lashes batting softly as he blinked. The breath was stolen from her lips, his piercing blue eyes haunting as they traced over her face. "Because I ruined it. I ruined what we had" Felix whimpered, his lower lip wobbling softly.

Emma shook her head, rocking them slowly. "Felix, we-we don't have to-"

"I have to. I'm just about out of chances, wouldn't you say?" Felix interrupted with stern eyes, watching Emma still under the intensity of his stare. "I fucked everything up. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me. You were my best friend, the one person in the world that I trusted the most. You were my everything" he breathed softly, a reminiscent look in his eyes.

Wincing as if his words were hurting her, Emma took a shaky breath as another tear rolled down her cheek. "Then why? Why the hell did you sleep with someone else?" Emma questioned, unable to stop herself from asking the question that had been eating away at her. "We weren't dating, sure, but you knew. You knew what that would do to me. You knew-" a shaky breath escaped her, "you knew I loved you."

Felix let his eyes fall shut as tears of shame and hurt covered his face. "I know. I knew. I did" Felix admitted, his voice breaking as the burden of guilt settled over him, only intensified by the look of pure hurt that flashed in Emma's eyes.

"Then-then why?" she whispered softly, staring into two desperately sorry eyes.

"Because I was scared. I was scared that you were my everything. I was scared that someday I would do something stupid and lose you, and I would be lost. I was scared of being intimate, scared of being vulnerable around someone I cared so much about." Felix admitted as he bit his lower lip in regret. "And I was stupid. I was so goddamn stupid. I thought if I hurt you, I wouldn't have to lose you"

Emma shook her head with furrowed brows, pain buried within her eyes. "I wouldn't have left you, not without cause. You could've always trusted me. I did nothing to give you any other impression" Emma responded softly, a slight tremor in her words.

"I know. I know Em. You didn't-you didn't do anything wrong. I-" Felix stopped, his eyes moving back and forth as he searched for words. "I ruined it. And it was worse than anything you could've ever done to me. I hate myself, and I have been living with this guilt of hurting you, and this pain of losing you that's been making me insane. Because, I love you. It's always been you"

The words hung in the quiet air, their soft breaths slow and gentle. Emma's eyes searched his, looking for the lie that swam in the pools of blue. But there only lay the glinting surface of truth, the earnest look that told her he meant it.

Emma slid her thumb across his cheek, wiping away the streams of tears. Felix leaned into her touch, a trembling breath escaping him as his eyes fell shut for a moment. Pulling him closer, Emma rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes.

For a moment, they weren't trapped, or being hunted by some monster. They were just Felix and Emma, in the purest form, like they used to be. It was just the two of them, together. It was all they could ask for, each other's presence, the best solace in this dark situation.