[1] sad but true. james hetfield, metallica

Twenty one.

Courtney's POV:

"Hey, Jason, we should hang out sometime! Y'know, maybe we could jam together! We play, too." I overheard Lars saying excitedly, I knew James wouldn't feel to great about it..
But Jason seems nice, why not try and befriend him?

"Sure! Sounds fun." Jason grinned, nodding his head. Kirk and Lars smiled widely, James flashing a painfully forced smile. Poor James..

Maybe James thinks Lars and Kirk are trying to replace Cliff..I don't know.

"So, it's the chick's birthday." James said, giving Lars a look. Lars looked confused but shrugged it off, putting a smile back on his face.

I felt the heat rise into my cheeks as Jason smiled at me. "Uh..Happy birthday, chick." He giggled nervously.

"Courtney." James smiled, but it was one of those fake sarcastic smiles that makes you look like a jerk. Damn, James. Oh well.

"Right, Courtney." Jason looked down, but then back up, I gave him a half smile.

"She's so short she looks thirteen." Kirk joked, making me glare at him.
They're always crackin' jokes about my height.

"Yeah, but I'm twenty." I looked at Jason, who sadly looked surprised. Even James couldn't hold back a laugh! Damnit.

"Wow." Jason chuckled, flipping his hair out of his eyes. 

"How old are you, Jason?" Lars asked.

"Uh. I'll be twenty five soon." He answered. So, he's the same age as James.

"So, you wanna come to our place sometime?" Lars asked, he's really into this whole thing.

"Yeah, man! Just give me a call!" Jason said, then gave Lars his number. New friend for the boys? Possibly. New friend for me? Again, possible. I don't know, we'll have to see!

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Later that day, James and I were up in my room playing music and just talking. I was actually having a good time, being with him was so amazing.

He sat on my bed, watching me as I strummed away at my guitar. He kept smiling, making my stomach fill with butterflies.

"You're really good. And you say you're not." James giggles, turning on his side, propping his head up with his hand.

"Hush, James." I smirked, rolling my eyes.

"I know you can sing, too." He smiles.

I set my guitar down and shrug, "Eh."

"Eh." He mocks me, starting to laugh. He fell back down on his back and stared up at the ceiling, his arms behind his head.

"Are you sure you're okay, just because it's my birthday doesn't mean we can't talk." I say, scooting closer to him.

"I'm okay.." He looks at me but quickly looked away. Yeah, he's defiantly hiding something.

"Is it because you don't wanna play with anyone other than Cliff?" I say hesitantly, I didn't want to set him off but I wanted to know what was wrong.

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but didn't. He completely ignored me, turning on his side away from me.

"James." I touch his arm, "Tell me."

"I don't know! Yeah, I guess so!" He yells, taking me by surprise.. I rub his arm as he begins to talk more, letting him vent to me. "But..But there's nothing nobody can do about it now! Cliff's gone. I have to fucking move on and forget about him, like everyone says, right?" My heart dropped.

"No, James, you don't have to forget about him." I whisper, "It's okay to be upset."

"I feel like a big baby! Crying all the time. Sometimes not even because I miss him and my mom, I just get so upset over nothing! I hate being this way in front of you." He runs his fingers through his hair.

He keeps a lot of stuff inside. When he finally let's go and talks about it, it's heartbreaking.

"It's called depression. I understand! You don't have to keep your feelings from me.." I say, trying to stay calm.

"I don't want to be depressed anymore." He groans, "I'm so tired of it!" Me too..

"I don't either James, I'm tired of it too. But what can we do about it? We can help each other..Can't we?" I take his soft hand in mine. I could see it in his eyes that he was fighting back tears, I was too. It bothers me he's gone through so much..

"I want to you to be the happiest person alive, you deserve to be. I don't want to drive you away from me. " James says, changing the subject to me. But why?

"I've been through some pretty bad shit, too..And you're still here for me. Why on earth would I ever leave you?" I mumble, feeling a tear slide down my cheek.

He sat up, staring at me. He let a few tears fall from his eyes, but never broke eye contact with me.

He scooped me up and hugged me tightly, I thought he'd never let go. And I never wanted him to.

"They're trying to replace him." James sobbed, his face buried in my shoulder, "Why are they trying to replace him?" His tone of voice sounded so sad, it tore me apart.

"And I need my mom..." He whispered, only making him cry harder.

I know how he feels. My mom and dad left me when I was fifteen, leaving me with my Aunt Macey until Matt took me in. Aunt Macey sure wasn't the best...

But the thing about James, is that his mom died. Mine didn't die, I just have no idea where's she's at right now. They left me behind. He lost two important people to him, and so did I..

"I know, James.." I rubbed his back, "But just listen to me, she loves you so much. She's your mom, please remember that."

"I..I..I know." He pulled out of the hug, rubbing his eyes. His face was now red and blotchy, his eyes puffy. I felt so terrible.

"Your mom loves you, too." He put his hands on my shoulders.

"Well then why'd she leave me? My dad, too!" I yelled, not even meaning to. It made me so sad, yes. But it made me so angry, too.

I loved my parents. I thought the world of them. Until I was about thirteen, they changed. They treated Matt and I like shit, but Matt soon moved away. Leaving me alone with them. I explained this to James, and he listened to me.

"Baby, I'm so sorry.." He sighed, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb.

"I'm sorry, too." I mumbled, leaning up and wrapping my arms around his neck, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"I love you so much, Courtney." His voice cracked.

"I love you so much too, James. Don't you ever forget it."