A New Woman

10: The steps toward a better me

Her black nails trace the words on the thin page in front of her. It felt as if she was holding lives in the palm of her hand. The power that this book seemed to hold made poison run from her fingertips around her body through the veins until it pumped through her heart. Her eyes didn't read the book, but instead they looked at the words in fear and discontempt. Arnold stood behind her trying not to invade a moment that seemed personal but also trying to remind her that she was not alone in this world but he didn't know what to do or how to help.

"You don't understand, do you?" She suddenly said. Her deep Texan accent swirled around the room before hitting him like a brick wall. Unsure of what she mean, Arnold remained silent and continued to watch as she flicked through the pages of her journal. "Arny, You don't get it at all." The woman complained, "I've plotted and schemed and executed and succeed but I am not satisfied." She turned to look at him with damn eyes,

"Where is this all coming from?" He asked her nervously, "We were talking about getting pizza a moment ago" Arnold tried to lift the mood but it didn't seem to work. The atmosphere was heavy, heavier than anything he had ever felt before.

"I know it was you" Beyoncé made eye contact with him and closed the book before throwing it on to her bed. "I know you called him, I know you're trying to make me stop all of this and that's the point. I can't." Arnold watched the journal for a while, not taking his eyes off the object on the bed as he remembered all the devilish things written within it's pages.

"You're right" He told her, still looking at the journal. "I don't understand." He shrugged and then looked over to her, "I don't understand why we're doing this anymore, I don't understand why you're so angry, why you're so fixated on the past, why you can't just move on. The rest of the world has moved on so why can't you?" He began walking over to her but she didn't pay too much attention to him,

"I have every right to be angry" She replied sternly,

"Just because you have the right to be so, it doesn't mean that you must" Arnold's soft voice encouraged, "Wouldn't you be better off if you would just let yourself be happy?" Arnold was trying to understand but in many ways he just didn't get it anymore. He used to, back when this all started and he needed to get his own frustrations out but not anymore. Not now that he realises that they've done far more harm than he ever intended.

"What's the point in being happy if I'm only going to be hurt again?" As she asked this question his face softened and he stood close to her with affectionate eyes. "I know what you're going to say, you're gonna say: no one's gonna hurt you. But I know that's not true, because they always have and they always will. That's why I have to keep control. I have to hurt them before they get to me." She lowered her head from the man and before he had the chance to come up with something to tell her, her phone began to ring. Neither of them moved until the object vibrated on the bedside table and Beyoncé turned around looking down at the name. "It's Kelly" She smiled just a little, to herself, and then picked up the phone and held it to her ear.

"Bey" She heard through the other side of the phone, "I need to know where you are and how you seem to be surviving because I can't handle being in the dark about this anymore. Do you like in a hotel or something?" Kelly asked. It had been weeks of Kelly asking for information but Beyoncé never failed to avoid the questions and truth. She wasn't ready for anyone to know anything but she figured that now was the best time to tell her.

"Kelly, I moved" Beyoncé said simply, "Are you happy now?" The woman chuckled. Arnold left the room, knowing that Beyoncé and Kelly had a tenancy to talk for quite a while, and went back to the living room to continue watching a TV show he and Beyoncé had been watching when he returned from work earlier.