The Fourth Side of the Triangle

Chapter 15.

15.

Everything stops when the tests come through: time, food, sleep, drink.

Amy feels a sudden need to lash out at the woman in front of her as the doctor shuffles the papers on her desk unnecessarily slowly. She would have known, Oliver thinks now, she would have known.

The doctor- Dr Hadley the tag around her neck reads- sits back in her chair and looks at the couple in front of her. Her job is to deliver bad news to patients who come to the clinic but no matter how many times she has carried out the same routine, it does not seem to get any easier. She doesn’t miss the way that the woman flinches as her partner takes her hand in a supporting gesture when she opens her mouth to speak.

“I am afraid, Mr Haydon, that we have found some problems with your lab tests.”

 Fear seeps into every pore of Amy’s being as she prepares for the words she has been waiting to hear for the past... well, she thinks, ever since she gave birth. Maybe even before. She has known for two years that this day would eventually rear its ugly head, but now it was here, she finds that there was nothing she could have done to prepare herself for this.

“What do you mean... problems?” Oliver asks, brow furrowing. Dr Hadley pauses briefly to remind herself to speak factually and concisely with the well educated man in front of her.

“Our test results show that you are unable to have children. Your sperm cells are inactive and I am terribly sorry, but there is no treatment for this.”  She stops as Oliver shakes his head and looks at the blonde haired woman with a puzzled expression on his face.

“But... Why? Is it because of something I’ve done? Did I do this to myself?’ he asks, his voice still sounding surprisingly strong, with only a hint waver as he forces his words out.

“No Mr Haydon, I am afraid that this is a... a... condition contracted at birth. You have never, and will never be able to have children.”

Oliver continues to shake his head, his body on a loop-

“No,” he says, “no. You must have made some kind of mistake. I have a son. A healthy, baby boy and he’s... he’s perfect and I’m his father-” his voice has cracked now. Everything has fallen into place and now he is falling too. There is too much to take in; too much and too fast, everything is happening too fast. He drops Amy’s hand out of his own and turns his head slowly to face her. He only vaguely notices the tears that are running down Amy’s face and falling into her hand which lies cupped in her lap. He is still shaking his head and he opens his mouth to speak but no words come out.

“I’m so sorry,” Dr Hadley says softly, “if you would like to-”

“Thank you for your time,” Oliver says bluntly, no expression colouring his voice. With that, he stands and strides from the room, clasping on to the last of his dignity, the last of his strength, leaving Amy to hurry after him.

He manages to keep it together until they step out of the building. The cogs have finally stopped spinning in his brain and the last piece of puzzle has finally clicked into place. He yanks his arm free as Amy tries desperately to entwine her fingers in his.

“Ollie, I’m sorry,” she sobs, “I’m so, so sorry... I just... I love you, I love you so much...” she trails off. She has no words to say, nothing to make this remotely okay and she chokes on her cries as Oliver turns to face her, his own face drenched in sweat and tears as he shoots her an unreadable expression.

“But you love him more, is that it?” he shouts, everything spilling out of him in one long rush, “you promised me... you both promised me that you wouldn’t... why does everything get taken away? Why is everything so fragile and why is nothing ever simple?! Why couldn’t, just this once... Joshua... how can you take him from me, how can you... I know you knew Amabelle, I know... I know you knew that he was his. Why didn’t you tell me? How could you not have told me?” Oliver is hysterical, breath coming in great hiccoughs. He can’t breathe, he can’t even see and he knows that people are giving them strange looks, but they’re standing outside a fertility clinic, the passers-by can guess what has happened. “How could you look me in the eye for all that time knowing that he wasn’t my son?”