EreMin-I'm Bi, He's Gay, I'm Trans, He Doesn't Know || Depressing ||

Pain

 Oh how did it all go so wrong in the end?

~~~

After Eren and I's 'I love you's, I cried. Eren smiled and hugged me so tight that I felt light headed. Also because of this suffocating binder. I was losing blood, I knew it. I needed to take this thing off.

After jumping in the water, I felt everything get worse. The cotton swelled up, trapping my ribs. Stopping any passage of air to get to my lungs properly. Being surrounded by water just made it worse. I needed to get out, but being in love with Eren, I couldn't.

We stayed there for hours. Once we got out, I felt everything in me turn to shit.

Eren didn't know, though. I just said I was tired - which I was - but I was really having trouble breathing and couldn't talk at that moment. Eren offered me to stay over, which I gladly accepted.

x-X-x

"Ar," Eren whispers. "We're here." I open my eyes and see Eren's house in view. "Come on." We bot hop out of the car and make our way inside.

Once the door opens, the smell of freshly cooked food filled our noses. "Mmm.... Mikasa, what are you making?" Mikasa pops her head out of the kitchen.

"Pasta! Mum's famous recipe." She grins.

"Omg, Armin, you have to try it! It's so good!" Eren beams.

"Sure, but, can I have a shower first?"

"Why are you guys wet?" Mikasa asks as we walk into the kitchen.

"I showed him the bridge."

Mikasa gasps. "Omg Armin, isn't it beautiful?" I nod my head vigorously. But I have come to realise that any sudden movement hurts like hell.
I need to take this binder off before I die from lack of air.

"Umm, can I shower, please?" I point to the bathroom.

"No, no, no, Ar!" Eren grabs my hand. "You have to try it while it's warm!"

"Can't you just microwave it afterwards?" The sibling both gasp as if they've been deeply offended. "Sorry?"

"Come on, Ar, you'll forget you're even wet by the time you try this." Mikasa put a beautiful plate of pasta in front of me. I mean, it was gorgeous! I've never seen food look so beautiful before. "Try it."
I do as I'm told and take a mouthful of the pasta and am instantly in heaven.

"Mmmm, this is so good!" I exclaim. I start stuffing my mouth with the pasta and realise... I need to breathe.

Before I know it, I've dropped my fork and am now hyperventilating. I can't breathe. I begin to fan my face as I try to catch my breath.

"Ar? Buddy, you okay? You choking on pasta? Too hot?" I shake my head as my heart begins to pound faster. I can't breathe.

"Armin how long have you been wearing it?" Mikasa jumps up.

"Wearing what?" Eren looks at her.

"Since... You.... Saw." I say between breaths. I watch as she walks out of the room and comes back with a pair of scissors.

"Mikasa, what are you doing?" Eren asks. Before I know it, my shirt is lifted over my head and Eren is now staring at my binder. "A-Armin?" Then, everything feels a bit better. A bit. I clasp the binder to my chest but both sides of it are hanging loosely by my sides. I take a few minutes to catch my breath and no one says anything.
"Ar?" Eren questions after about ten minutes, my breath starting to go back to normal.

I look up and see how hurt his expression is, which makes me want to cry. "W-why did you not... Tell me?" His voice is croaky and I watch as a tear escapes his eye. "I thought we trusted each other?"

"Eren, I'm so sorry." Tears make their way down my face faster than anything.

"I told you so much! Why are you keeping things from me?!" He yells.

"Eren, calm down." Mikasa orders.

"No! Armin! We were meant to tell each other everything!!!" I don't waste any time to turn around and drop my binder, then picking up my wet shirt and slipping it over my head.
When I turn back, Eren won't even look at me. His gaze transfixed to the table as he cries.

"Armin, please." Mikasa whispers, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you for being so kind to me, Mikasa." I mutter. I then run out the door. Run down the street. Run and run.

x-X-x

[WARNING: Contains way more abuse than last time! I'll sum it up at the end of the chapter if you don't want to read it.]

How could I? Why did I keep this from him? Why am I such an idiot?! I HATE MYSELF!

I'm too busy running and crying that I don't even realise that I've ran back home. The first time Eren took me from this house, I memorised everything.

I'm now climbing over the fence and making my way to the back until I hear; "WHERE WERE YOU?!" I spin around and see my father standing there. "WHY ARE YOU WET?!" My heart stopped and I froze. I couldn't move even if I wanted to. "WHO'S EREN?!" My eyes widen as he holds up my phone. I changed Eren's name in my contacts to: Eren <3 because his last contact name was a bit too much.

When I don't speak, father gets really angry and whips out a knife from his belt. I watch as he begins to stab my phone and I made the stupid mistake of running.
I thought if I could just make it into the bathroom, I could lock the door then find something to use against him.

Bad idea.

As soon as I'm through the window, I'm thrown onto the floor. "ARE YOU FUCKING GAY?!?!" I only wince as he stands over my helpless body. "ANSWER ME!" I nod.

Next thing I know, there's a burning pain in my right leg. I look down and watch as my father plunges the knife into me and starts slowly dragging it down my right thigh. I let out a bloodcurdling scream, loud enough to wake up the neighbourhood. Probably loud enough for Eren to hear.

If only.

"STAAAAPP!" I scream.

"NO! ONE FOR EACH THING YOU DID WRONG TONIGHT!" Oh god, how much have I done wrong? "THAT ONES FOR BEING A FUCKING FAGGOT!" I'm still screaming out in pain. "THIS ONE," He stabs the knife into my left ankle and begins to twist it around. "IF FOR SNEAKING OUT!"

When he pulls the knife away, he jabs his finger in and presses.
I scream louder than ever, gripping my leg. "And this one..." He leans close and whispers. "Is for everything else."

The knife runs down my chest until it reaches my stomach and he slices. It was the deepest and most painful out of all of them. I look down to my stomach and see a slash in the clothing and deep red blood oozing out of it, staining the rest of my shirt. I can't even bare looking at my legs.

The only signal I got of my father leaving was the slam of the door. My vision was blurred as tears well up in my eyes and I scream.
And scream.
And scream.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

Was all that went through my mind. And worse of all, I couldn't call Eren.

[Summed up for the people who skipped the abuse scene: Armin's father caught him sneaking back home, broke his phone, cut his right thigh, left ankle and stomach.]