Journal Of a Pessimist

You Knew[Entry Four]

Entry Four:

Journal of Lisa

You knew: Entry IV

January 9th, 2016, 12:46 

No matter the truth, you do what you want.

No matter how I feel, you beat me to a pulp.

No matter how long it takes me to wake up, you kill me anyway.

You knew what would happen to me, you know who I am, you always have yet you ignored me, you left me alone for those others you called your friends, those other who you twisted the way you twisted me, but every time I look at you, I can't hate you because I want you,you were there, you were my friend and you were by my side, since the very first day, whether we knew it or not we were together.

I look at you with hurt, you treat those who aren't you followers as slaves and you try to do me the same justice but I don't believe your commands, I don't fall at your threats, your rough voice and cruel face because I know what you were, you were me before I was; you suffered what I had to before I could begin to understand anger, rage.

After years, I won't be afraid, we'll fall apart further, further and more the more we go on, but I can't fear you- you're still worthless, weird, mocked and laughed at- not with me, not on the outside at least, but those who are now your equals... those as bad as you with slaves to push into the dirt, they didn't earn their place at the top like your, they tore their way into it, they ripped apart everyone who used to care, drowned them into submission but you? You waited like a lion stalking its pray, you waited until they were gone, until no one around us knew the truth, then you pounced- you were in front of the antelopes, as they tried to scatter away you rounded them up, them didn't know you but you didn't either- all you knew was what they had done, that was the rage that drove you on.

I was left broken, I am shattered, little shards of pity laying on the ground, no dust to gather but being stained by mud and people shoes grind them to dust, I remember. I see all of the details, they play out in front of my eyes, bring my tears to the surface for other to jeer at.

You don't even know what happened, the past cannot keep you humble if it never existed but you wouldn't know; I'm stuck, forever to have to watch and see all of my memories on replay continuously whilst you progress through life, I stay on one little point.

Today I looked at you, I saw you judge me but I didn't put up with it, I remember when you couldn't judge; when you were just a simple little fool, a goofy little girl with big blue eyes and chubby cheeks, I remember when you went from best friend to best friend, following each like a puppy dog until they threw you away, kicked you into the kennel; eventually, you came to me, you followed me around- stuck to my every word and it pissed me off, I didn't enjoy solitude but it was bliss compared to this, little did I know that I needed it, that I needed you to cling to me, just a simple child, I needed you because you could have saved me.

A simple best friend, two words with no real meaning but you could have stopped it all. 

You let me go.

Love Lisa

And even when you don't, I remember.

Journal of Lisa

You knew: Entry IV

January 9th, 2016, 13:24

Entry Four: complete

A/N

Hey, guys! It's me (obviously...jeez)and I just wanted to say happy new year! I know that is way late considering that entry two would have been posted closer to new years, however, I feel like we've already stopped saying it but the year is still so young! So I want you to tell the next random stranger you see, happy new year, just to give us all a reminder of how much more is to come (this got way deep).

Anywho... I'll ask the question for this week- If you won a million (insert euro-like currency here) what is the very, very first thing you would do with it?

Oddly, and boringly enough, the first answer that pops into my head is to put the money in an account and leave it for college but that's just my totally lame answer, I want to here you all of ye would do!

Well I guess that's all, author out.

Love, LostInCake