Kilgrave's Joy

33- Aka The Answer

I had my answer.

I stepped forwards and removed Kilgrave's towel, looking at him as I closed my eyes and grabbed his cheeks, standing on my toes and kissing him, pushing him towards the bed. "Fuck 'slowly'." I mumbled, feeling him smirk on my lips. Grabbing my waist he flipped us over, his left arm staying behind my back as his other hand took my top off, unhooking my bra at the same time.

Someone know's what they're doing. I thought, moving my legs and hooking them around his waist, pulling him closer. "No. Let me." He pulled away, hovering over me as his arm stayed under me. "You're sure?" He asked, and I nodded. pulling down my trousers he began kissing my my legs, towards my inner thigh as as I began to arch my back, he moved passed and began kissing up my navel, up in between my breasts and back to my neck. Kilgrave's hands grabbed mine and raised them above my head, his lips leaning into my ear, his breath hitching. He had planned on telling me to do something.

"Tell me what to do." I said, feeling him stiffen before kissing my neck softly, nipping at the skin.

"Leave your hands there." He whispered, a shiver going down my spine at his voice as the fog clouded my mind, I closed my eyes and let it lead me, experiencing the almost high-like feeling that came with it.

"Please." I begged him, completely under his control. I opened my eyes to see him yet again hovering above me, the look in his eyes... it was worry. "Please, Kilgrave." I begged again, assuring him this is what I wanted. The high I was riding on right now was one that I didn't want to come down from, not just yet. I had given myself to Kilgrave utterly and completely, and that was something I couldn't take back. Despite this not being my first time with him, this was my first time where I was completely... myself.

"Gladly." Kilgrave retorted, growling before hooking his arms around me, taking my high to a level I didn't think possible.

***

I lay there under the covers, hearing the loud 'lup-dup' of his heart as his chest rose and fell.
I just had sex with Kilgrave.
"Are you awake?" He asked, the vibrations on his chest making his voice reverberate in my ears. His arm was around my shoulder, the infinite amount of patterns he was making comforted me.

"Yeah." I answered simply, still taking what had just happened in. "Women don't tend to fall asleep after-" I stopped myself, grabbing the sheet so as not to reveal my breasts and sat up. My mind ran around, repeatedly asking what the hell I had just done.

"Neither do I." I felt him sit up and kiss my shoulder, his hands resting on my shoulders.

"I-I should go to my room." I said, unable to think of a better excuse. I was uncomfortable and had no idea what to say to him.

"What?" Kilgrave let go of me, letting me stand up so that I was naked. "No, stop." He said, making me stand here in front of him naked. "I asked you, and you said yes. You begged me. That wasn't me, Joy. That was you, for Christ's sake!" I could tell he was angry, but all I could do was hug my waist as I held my head down and closed my eyes.

"Kilgrave, please." I was never one of those women who hated their body, but I didn't particularly love it either. Standing in front of him like this was mortifying, so much so that I hadn't noticed the tears rolling down my face.

"Do you regret what we just did?" He suddenly asked me, still not letting me leave.

"Kilgr-"

"Answer me honestly and you may go." He said, sitting up in his bed. I looked at him briefly before looking to the ground, my head spinning.

"I don't know." I answered, honestly, his control fogging over my mind. But it wasn't a good feeling, it felt like an oncoming storm, the feeling of uneasiness. "I don't know." I repeated, looking down as I turned and grabbed my vest, quickly slipping it on before rushing out of his room, running to mine and shutting the door, jumping on my bed. What the hell did I just do. I kept asking myself that question, the two sides of me at war. I had given myself to Kilgrave, and I think the worst part was that I had liked it. I loved not being in control of myself in that situation. But as he proved, there were times where control was not a good thing.

"Bloody hell Joy..." I mumbled to myself, unable to comprehend the hurt I must have just caused Kilgrave.
That thought followed me as I drifted off, my eyes closing as my thoughts drifted onto happier things.

Opening my eyes, I checked the time to see I had been napping for a fair few hours, with the sun set and the street lamps out. Right before I thought about food my stomach growled, and there was a knock at the door.
"Miss? Your dinner is ready." Confused as to who's voice that was, I slipped on my pyjama bottoms, realising that I had left all of my other clothes in Kilgrave's room.

"Thank you." I replied, opening the door to see a middle aged woman, obviously one of the staff Kilgrave had hired.
Making my way down to the kitchen, I smelt the wonderful aroma of a roast dinner, which happened to be what they were cooking. "Where's Kilgrave?" I asked, seeing that there was only one place laid out.

"He won't be joining us tonight." She said blankly, she had obviously been controlled by him. Did I really hurt him that much by leaving earlier?
Sighing, I thanked the woman for the meal and dug in, filling myself up before excusing myself, checking to see if he was in the lounge, but it was just another staff member.

"I'm sorry Miss Joy, I was just-" He got up to move for me, but I raised my hands.

"Oh no, I was just checking to see if Kilgrave was here. Thank you." He nodded and returned to his program, the volume quite low. He could obviously hear it upstairs if it was too loud. Walking back up the stairs I chuckled to myself, thinking about how impatient he truly was, and how life had been so cruel and unkind to him, that he had only returned the favour.

Shaking those thoughts out of my head I stopped at the top, looking right, towards Kilgrave's room. I was rather lathargic and tired after the roast, and he was probably still mad with me...
I turned towards my room, walking to my door before realising that I had been the one to upset him. Quickly grabbing my PJ top I changed out of my vest into that, shut my door and made my way to his room, knocking on the door.
With no response, I knocked again, a little louder.

"Lisa if this is you I swear-" the door opened to an angry looking Kilgrave wearing nothing but boxers, that's the second time today. "Oh." He turned around and walked back to his bed, where he got into it and faced away from me.

"I came to apologise." I said, stepping into the dark room.

"You came. Now if you're done, get out." Kilgrave snarled, luckily his choice of words meant that I didn't have to leave.

"No, I'm not done." Walking carefully to his bed, I grabbed the sheets and slid in, hugging his back. "I'm sorry." I curled myself up behind him, forcing myself not to leave. "Please take that back. I can't fight it-"

"Stay." Kilgrave whispered, turning over to face me.

"I didn't mean to do that to you. It wasn't fair." I admitted, feeling his thumb on my lips.

"Shh. I understand. After everything I've done to you, and that we've been through, I just couldn't believe you actually love me back." I froze at that, my eyes widening.

"Kilgrave... I can't love you, not-" I felt him sink, about to turn back over. "Not yet. But maybe I can learn to." I quickly added, pulling myself into him, my cool skin against his radiator like body.

"Thank you." Kilgrave said, breaking the silence between us.

"For what?" I asked, feeling him hug me tighter.

"For showing me that I do know how to love."